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Thread: Hallmark Channel movies

  1. #16
    breath westofyou's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by marcshoe View Post
    So your farts decapitate people? That's important.
    Only after I have eaten 1000 year old eggs at the chinese place

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    Quote Originally Posted by 757690 View Post
    The Hallmark Christmas movies are the only ones worth watching, and they are magnificent. I can watch one a day.
    30 days of Christmas, sweeter than any binge watching out there

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  3. #17
    Member Kinsm's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by M2 View Post
    traderumor brought them up in a baseball thread, but I feel they're worth a topic on their own. Hallmark churns out formulaic treacle based on every season and holiday, often starring actors who've slipped to the D list. Lacey Chabert never may have made fetch happen, but she's box office gold for Hallmark. Watching one of these films can get you to wear out IMDB, trying to figure where else you've seen members of the cast.

    Would it be nice if they tweaked the formula or invested a little effort in character and dialog? Sure, but Hallmark's niche is comfort TV. People go in with high demand for their low expectations to be met. The result is both soothing and maddening. It can also be unintentionally hilarious. As I mentioned in the other thread, Hallmark films are perfect MST3K fodder. They are built to be goofed upon. I also maintain every Hallmark film is easily adaptable to porn - the flimsy plots, the barely believable cosplay of how things function in the real world, the stilted dialog. You could totally film three version of each offering: one for Hallmark, one somewhat naughty version for late night cable and one full-on porn version. Maybe Danica McKellar and Dylan Neal would balk at that, though I bet it would pay pretty well.

    Anyway, I'm curious to see who considers Hallmark a guilty (or even not guilty) pleasure, who spite-watches it, etc.
    Lacey Chabert in porn you say?

  4. #18
    breath westofyou's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by dougdirt View Post
    My DVR IS FULL OF THEM.

    Lacey Chabert? YES PLEASE. But, I'll generally watch them all. They aren't deep. They are light hearted. They have happy endings. I'm about that life. I want to see people happy in the end. I want to see people fall in love.
    My Secret Valentine... the story of Chloe Granger finding love

    That's the HM channel... me? I'll watch WW2 Newsreels before that stuff.

    Cheese is a weird thing, some can ingest more others no, romance is a good genre, it just doesn't touch me in the vein that channel deals and I have a taste for cheese, but more home towny... like Hoosiers but even less artistic

  5. #19
    Member Redsfaithful's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    They feel cynical to me, which admittedly says more about me than anything I'm sure.

    It's amazing how much Hollywood churns out that is sub-theater level entertainment. For example, I had no idea how large the genre of movies is involving golden retrievers until I had kids.
    “When I use a word,” Trumpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.” “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.” “The question is,” said Trumpty Dumpty, “which is to be master—that’s all.”

  6. #20
    Member 757690's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by westofyou View Post
    30 days of Christmas, sweeter than any binge watching out there
    Not sure what that is, but Freeform (formally “ABC Family”) has 25 days of Christmas, and it’s just as magnificent.
    “We’re going to get the pitching.” -Bob Castellini
    “You got the pitching, now what?” - Reds fans

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  8. #21
    breath westofyou's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by 757690 View Post
    Not sure what that is, but Freeform (formally “ABC Family”) has 25 days of Christmas, and it’s just as magnificent.
    That’s the one I was referring to, serious wall to wall schmaltz

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  10. #22
    Posting in Dynarama M2's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsfaithful View Post
    They feel cynical to me, which admittedly says more about me than anything I'm sure.

    It's amazing how much Hollywood churns out that is sub-theater level entertainment. For example, I had no idea how large the genre of movies is involving golden retrievers until I had kids.
    Those dogs are amazing at sports.
    Friends don't let friends fWAR.

    Coddle thy pitchers.

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  12. #23
    Posting in Dynarama M2's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by westofyou View Post
    30 days of Christmas, sweeter than any binge watching out there
    When that originally started it was wall-to-wall Rankin-Bass. It's where I first saw "The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus", which is the most subversive thing ever put on television.
    Friends don't let friends fWAR.

    Coddle thy pitchers.

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  14. #24
    Member Sea Ray's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by Roy Tucker View Post
    My wife LOVES those Hallmark movies. Absolutely loves them.

    She gets mad at me because I can predict the plot after watching the first 5 minutes. So she makes me promise to not say anything when she is watching one under penalty of losing marital “favors”.
    I hear you! My wife loves this stuff. She spends her Sundays watching them non stop. Every plot is the same. You can tell from the first 15 mins who's going to get together in the end and live happily ever after. They're always enormously successful in their careers, money's not an issue. The guys are always 3.5" taller than their partners. And they never have a serious argument. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with this problem. Thankfully my late teenage daughter hates these too.

    My wife also never misses an episode of the Bachelor. I wonder if that's common amongst Hallmark folks?

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  16. #25
    Rally Onion! Chip R's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    I saw one a couple of years ago when I was visiting my mom that was a bit different. Candace Cameron Bure was this WWII nurse whose husband was MIA. She bumps her head and ends up in the same town at the present time. It wasn't actually a romcom although it had a happy ending.
    Quote Originally Posted by Raisor View Post
    I was wrong
    Quote Originally Posted by Raisor View Post
    Chip is right

  17. #26
    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    I am definitely not the target market for these.

    Awful.

    Not as bad as Law and Order, but close.

  18. #27
    Member BernieCarbo's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    I think the only Hallmark movie I ever saw was last year. It was about this woman from New York who got stranded in some town in Ohio and met this guy who owned a Christmas tree farm.

    Another thing of note is that the Hallmark Channel is about as white as it gets.

  19. #28
    15 game winner Danny Serafini's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    Every plot is the same. You can tell from the first 15 mins who's going to get together in the end and live happily ever after. They're always enormously successful in their careers, money's not an issue. The guys are always 3.5" taller than their partners. And they never have a serious argument.
    And if you're a rich, big city lawyer you're in trouble, because sometime in the next two hours your love interest is going to walk off with that handyman over there (yeah, I've had to endure a LOT of these )

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  21. #29
    Sprinkles are for winners dougdirt's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by Danny Serafini View Post
    And if you're a rich, big city lawyer you're in trouble, because sometime in the next two hours your love interest is going to walk off with that handyman over there (yeah, I've had to endure a LOT of these )
    Sometimes she's going to walk off with the farmer, or the baker.

  22. #30
    Moderator cumberlandreds's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Never fear Hallmark Channel Radio will begin tomorrow on XM radio. So if you can't watch it you will be able to listen to it. At least for the Christmas season anyway.

    http://blog.siriusxm.com/hallmark-ch...liday-channel/
    Reds Fan Since 1971


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