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Thread: Wrong Approach?

  1. #1
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Wrong Approach?

    Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

    His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and shout, "WHO'S HORNY"???" and she acts like she is asleep every time.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

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  3. #2
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Wrong Approach?

    Sven was working at the fish plant in Minneapolis when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went directly to the emergency room. The doctor looked at Sven and said "Let's have the fingers and I'll see what I can do ." Sven said, "I haven't got da fingers. "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2005, We have microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?" Sven says, "How da hell vas I suppost to pick dem up?
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  4. #3
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    Re: Wrong Approach?

    Classic. :MandJ:
    I hope it's never sunny in Philly again.

  5. #4
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
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    Re: Wrong Approach?

    Go Gators!

  6. #5
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Wrong Approach?

    Wetz sent me this one...

    One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

    He thought to himself, It's certainly not a ship. And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibility of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet suited black clad figure.

    Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette? Ten years, replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. Faith and begorrah, said the man, that is so good, I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!

    And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, Ten years. Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket, removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "Tis nectar of the Gods!" stated the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!" At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked how long has it been since you played around? With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!!!!"
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations


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