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Thread: Now You Know Everything

  1. #1
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Now You Know Everything

    The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

    No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

    Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

    You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

    Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

    The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

    The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

    American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

    Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

    Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

    Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.


    The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

    So did the first "Marlboro Man."

    Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

    Pearls melt in vinegar.

    The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

    It is possible to lead a cow upstairs..but not downstairs.

    A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

    Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

    Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second ?

    William Jefferson Clinton

    (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)

    And the best for last.....
    Turtles can breathe through their butts.

    (I know some people like that; don't YOU?)

    Now you know everything there is to know.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

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  3. #2
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    Wetz sent me this one too...


    A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They
    couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just
    walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an
    anvil. He then stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple
    of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a
    problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he was scratching his
    head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She
    asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

    The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I
    would offer to walk you home, but I can't figure out how to carry this lot." The
    old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket
    in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other
    hand?"

    "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be
    there in no time."

    The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow
    without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in
    the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish
    me?"

    The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil,
    two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up
    against the wall and do that?"

    The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the
    anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  4. #3
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    A Blonde Decided She Needed Somethng New And Different For A Winter Hobby.

    She Went To The Bookstore And Bought Every Book She Could Find On Ice-fishing. For Weeks She Read And Studied, Hoping To Become An Expert In The Field.

    Finally She Decided She Knew Enough, And Out She Went For Her First Ice-fishing Trip. She Carefully Gathered Up And Packed All The Tools And Equipment Needed For The Excursion. Each Piece Of Equipment Had Its Own Special Place In Her Kit.

    When She Got To The Ice, She Found A Quiet Little Area, Placed Her Padded Stool, And Carefully Laid Out Her Tools.

    Just As She Was About To Make Her First Cut Into The Ice, A Booming Voice From The Sky Bellowed,

    "there Are No Fish Under The Ice!"

    Startled, The Blonde Grabbed Up All Her Belongings, Moved Farther Along On The Ice, Poured Some Hot Chocolate From Her Thermos, And Started To Cut A New Hole.

    Again The Voice From Above Bellowed,

    "there Are No Fish Under The Ice!"

    Amazed, The Blonde Wasn't Quite Sure What To Do, As This Certainly Wasn't Covered In Any Of The Books.

    She Packed Up Her Gear And Moved To The Far Side Of The Ice. Once There, She Stopped For A Few Moments To Regain Her Calm. She Was Extremely Careful To Set Everything Up Perfectly -- Tools In The Right Place, Chair Positioned Just So.

    Just As She Was About To Cut The New Hole, The Voice Came Again:

    "there Are No Fish Under The Ice!"

    Petrified, The Blonde Looked Skyward And Asked,

    "Is That You Lord?"

    And The Voice Boomed Back,

    "No, This Is The Manager Of The Skating Rink"
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  5. #4
    Plays The Right Way Hap's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    What does The United States Naval Academy have in common with a used condom?

    They are both full of worthless sea men.
    .

  6. #5
    You know his story Redsland's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    Quote Originally Posted by GAC
    The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

    No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

    Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

    You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

    Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

    The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

    The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

    American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

    Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

    Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

    Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.


    The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

    So did the first "Marlboro Man."

    Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

    Pearls melt in vinegar.

    The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

    It is possible to lead a cow upstairs..but not downstairs.

    A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

    Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

    Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second ?

    William Jefferson Clinton

    (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)

    And the best for last.....
    Turtles can breathe through their butts.

    (I know some people like that; don't YOU?)

    Now you know everything there is to know.
    Run most of these through Snopes, and you'll find that they're wrong.

    Sorry. :allovrjr:
    Makes all the routine posts.

  7. #6
    breath westofyou's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    Run most of these through Snopes, and you'll find that they're wrong.
    Department of MISinformation

  8. #7
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    Darn

    I was hoping the Donkey one was true
    Go Gators!

  9. #8
    You know his story Redsland's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    That's one they don't definitively answer.

    http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/donkey.htm
    Makes all the routine posts.

  10. #9
    Where's my chair? REDREAD's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
    Just did it with a page out of a phone book. Folded it in half 8 times.. I imagine other thin paper (maybe newspaper) would work too..
    Thank you Walt and Bob for going for it in 2010-2014!

    Nov. 13, 2007: One of the greatest days in Reds history: John Allen gets the boot!

  11. #10
    The rest is drama. marcshoe's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    What's really frightening is the number of people killed each year by donkeys on airplanes.

  12. #11
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    I don't see how some of you have that much time on your hands to "strain" everything you get through Snopes.

    I guess Snopes then does know everything.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  13. #12
    Duranie Ho, Ho, Ho! KittyDuran's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    Wetz sent me this one too...
    I didn't know the first post was from Wetz until you prefaced the jokes - then I thought "Snopes time"! but it seems that Redsland beat me to it...
    2014 Reds record when I'm attending: 23-18 - FINAL
    2014 Dragons record when I'm attending: 2-1 - FINAL
    "We want to be the band to dance to when the bomb drops." - Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran

  14. #13
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    Quote Originally Posted by tixe
    What's really frightening is the number of people killed each year by donkeys on airplanes.
    It's those in-flight Kosher meals that send them over the edge! :mhcky21:
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  15. #14
    Baseball card addict MrCinatit's Avatar
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    Re: Now You Know Everything

    huh. there is an American Donkey and Mule Society. and they have a website.

    the end is near.


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