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Thread: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

  1. #1
    Hot Stove Season HotCorner's Avatar
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    Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    I don't know whether to laugh or wince ...

    http://www.channelcincinnati.com/irr...44/detail.html

    BRENTWOOD, N.H. -- Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.

    According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.

    The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.

    "Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald.

    The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.

    He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury.

    Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.


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  3. #2
    Churlish Johnny Footstool's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    Hazard pay for the locksmith.
    "I prefer books and movies where the conflict isn't of the extreme cannibal apocalypse variety I guess." Redsfaithful

  4. #3
    Ripsnort wheels's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    Two weeks?

    You'd think he woulda gone to the hospital or something sooner than that.

    I remember one time......

    Aww...Forget it.
    "Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?" ~ Jim Bouton

  5. #4
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    I woner if his 'friend' was his ex-wife.

    Rem

  6. #5
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    I guess his "friend" likes to play ballgames.

    He seems to get drunk a lot. I hope, for the love of God, he was sober when he was using that hacksaw.

    Think of the number of suspicious wives who will be buying Master Locks in the next week or two.

    Can we call this whole incident a "head" lock?

    Is anyone aware that cock and lock rhyme?!? Poets, enjoy this one.

  7. #6
    Little Reds BandWagon Reds Nd2's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out.
    I guess he was locked and loaded.
    "...You just have a wider lens than one game."
    --Former Reds GM Wayne Krivsky, on why he didn't fly Josh Hamilton to Colorado for one game.

    "...its money well-spent. Don't screw around with your freedom."
    --Roy Tucker, on why you need to lawyer up when you find yourself swimming with sharks.

  8. #7
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    Ouch.

    This hurts to read
    Go Gators!

  9. #8
    I rig polls REDREAD's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    Maybe his friend was worried the family jewels would get stolen, so he locked them up
    [Phil ] Castellini celebrated the team's farm system and noted the team had promising prospects who would one day be great Reds -- and then joke then they'd be ex-Reds, saying "of course we're going to lose them". #SellTheTeamBob

    Nov. 13, 2007: One of the greatest days in Reds history: John Allen gets the boot!

  10. #9
    Baseball card addict MrCinatit's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    he tried to take the thing off with a hacksaw!!????!!!! geez...why not use a blow torch, or simply a piece of dynomite.


    words of wisdom: friends don't let friends put padlocks around their family jewels.

  11. #10
    Man Pills Falls City Beer's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    Just get your balls to the wall.
    “And when finally they sense that some position cannot be sustained, they do not re-examine their ideas. Instead, they simply change the subject.” Jamie Galbraith

  12. #11
    Dunnilicious creek14's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    I'm thinking women are the only people who find this even midly amusing.
    Will trade this space for a #1 starter.

  13. #12
    Strategery RFS62's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    Quote Originally Posted by creek14
    I'm thinking women are the only people who find this even midly amusing.

    I'm thinking you're right.
    We'll go down in history as the first society that wouldn't save itself because it wasn't cost effective ~ Kurt Vonnegut

  14. #13
    First Time Caller SunDeck's Avatar
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    Re: Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock

    Real friends don't touch another friend's package. For any reason. Period.

    What was the encore supposed to be, caulking his butt?
    Next Reds manager, second shooter. --Confirmed on Redszone.


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