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Thread: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

  1. #1
    Time is the Revelator. LvJ's Avatar
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    Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    Tom Cruise revealed that he was much happier in previous existences and his current life is probably one of the least satisfying he has led.

    Scientologist Tom Cruise revealed that he is much older than the forty three years he has spent in his present body.

    Tom Cruise noted that he is "old beyond reckoning." What's more, his current life is "probably one of the least satisfying" he has led.

    "I was much happier in previous existences when I wrote plays, composed music, conquered nations, discovered continents, and developed cures for diseases," said Tom Cruise.

    Cruise said he became aware that he "had been here before," when he read the complete works of Shakespeare in a month, despite being dyslexic, not long after dropping out of high school.

    "Shakespeare was deja vu for me," said Tom Cruise. "It was so cool. I felt as if I had seen his words already, knew them all by heart. Then, after I began studying scientology, I realized the words had come from my heart in a previous life. That's why I say that as glorious and enviable as my present life is, making "War of the Worlds" and all those other great movies can't compare to writing "Romeo and Juliet" or the sonnets.

    In addition to recognizing his days of future passed in the works of Shakespeare and Bach—and in the achievements of Columbus and Napoleon—Cruise recognizes the continuing reappearance of "Anti-Thetanic forces," such as Matt Lauer and Brooke Shields, with whom he has clashed in former lives.
    http://toronto.fashion-monitor.com/n...2202tom_cruise

    Hide your power alleys; Hide your wife

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  3. #2
    Please come again pedro's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    Get your nunchucks and the keys to your dad's car. I know where we can get a gun

  4. #3
    Harry Chiti Fan registerthis's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    Considering that there is some doubt as to whether Shakespeare even existed...well, I'd say there is now some question as to the existence of Tom Cruise's sanity.
    We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

  5. #4
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    I'm Batman
    Go Gators!

  6. #5
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

    Pay attention to the open sky

  7. #6
    Please come again pedro's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    In addition to recognizing his days of future passed in the works of Shakespeare and Bach—and in the achievements of Columbus and Napoleon—Cruise recognizes the continuing reappearance of "Anti-Thetanic forces," such as Matt Lauer and Brooke Shields, with whom he has clashed in former lives.

    What a busy busy boy Tom has been.
    Get your nunchucks and the keys to your dad's car. I know where we can get a gun

  8. #7
    Where's my chair? REDREAD's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    That dude needs some serious help. I keep waiting for him to say that all this garbage is a practical joke. It got him some big publicity for awhile, but it's going to hurt his career when everyone thinks he's a nutcase.
    Thank you Walt and Bob for going for it in 2010-2014!

    Nov. 13, 2007: One of the greatest days in Reds history: John Allen gets the boot!

  9. #8
    He has the Evil Eye! flyer85's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    I have always been amazed by the cultural obsession with celebrity and why people pay attention to what they have to say about anything.
    What are you, people? On dope? - Mr Hand

  10. #9
    breath westofyou's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    I used to be a White Castle.


  11. #10
    Where's my chair? REDREAD's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    Quote Originally Posted by pedro
    What a busy busy boy Tom has been.
    Yes, humankind would've really been screwed if Tom never existed in all those previous lives and had such great accomplishments
    Thank you Walt and Bob for going for it in 2010-2014!

    Nov. 13, 2007: One of the greatest days in Reds history: John Allen gets the boot!

  12. #11
    CELEBRATION TIME RBA's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    If this was the 1930's, Mr Cruise would be locked up in an asylum and someone would be drilling holes in his head. And than 40 years later someone would make a movie out of the star that ended up crazy.

  13. #12
    Churlish Johnny Footstool's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    Cruise is really messed up.

    I was Shakespeare.
    "I prefer books and movies where the conflict isn't of the extreme cannibal apocalypse variety I guess." Redsfaithful

  14. #13
    Little Reds BandWagon Reds Nd2's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    "How come in former lifetimes, everybody is somebody famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmoe?" - Crash Davis
    "...You just have a wider lens than one game."
    --Former Reds GM Wayne Krivsky, on why he didn't fly Josh Hamilton to Colorado for one game.

    "...its money well-spent. Don't screw around with your freedom."
    --Roy Tucker, on why you need to lawyer up when you find yourself swimming with sharks.

  15. #14
    Please come again pedro's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    Quote Originally Posted by KronoRed
    I'm Batman
    that's nothing

    I was bat boy

    Get your nunchucks and the keys to your dad's car. I know where we can get a gun

  16. #15
    Dunnilicious creek14's Avatar
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    Re: Tom Cruise, formerly known as, Shakespeare

    I'm Sparticus.


    Oh and one more thing. Run Katie, run like the wind.
    Will trade this space for a #1 starter.


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