Turn Off Ads?
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

  1. #1
    GR8NESS WMR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Lexington, Kentucky
    Posts
    16,960

    Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    Area Man Training For Upcoming Sanford And Son Marathon
    August 31, 2005

    SHELTON, CT—Ever since Alex Bryce was a boy, he has dreamed of participating in a TV marathon. Now, at age 26, he is days from making that dream a reality.

    Alex Bryce, 26, in the midst of his strictly regimented workout routine.
    This weekend's Sanford And Son marathon on TV Land is the ultimate test of a watcher's endurance, and Bryce plans to watch the entire 48-hour event, which comprises 96 half-hour episodes with two-minute commercial checkpoints at 11-minute intervals.

    "Marathons are exhausting, but exhilarating," said Bryce, who has completed four prestigious TV mini-marathons, including the grueling "Ab Fab Friday." "Afterwards, my muscles are stiff and my eyes are bloodshot, but it's always worth it."

    Bryce, a recreational TV watcher whose personal best is 16 hours, has been on a strict training regimen for six months. He wakes up daily at 5 a.m., slips on his sweats, and immediately hits the couch to watch television. On hard training days, he watches Sanford And Son DVDs.

    "I'm always tempted to get up off the couch or fast-forward, but I remind myself that every time I cheat, it hurts my chances on the big day," Bryce said. "When I feel my resolve slipping, I recline as much as I can or cover myself with a cushion. That usually does the trick."

    Bryce added: "But the best thing a marathoner can do to delay the onset of discomfort is begin properly, by warming up with a hot bowl of chili and stretching out on the couch."

    Bryce underscored the importance of carbo-loading and regular hydration, saying, "I don't want to be like that guy who passed out during the Happy Days marathon because he hadn't been drinking enough Mountain Dew."

    "Doritos, pizza, M&M's, Yoo-hoo: anything that doesn't require you to go to the fridge," Bryce said. "Right now, I can barely move. So I'm right where I want to be."

    The repetitiveness of the Sanford And Son marathon course, which includes 97 feigned heart attacks, 165 utterances of the word "dummy," and 44 appearances by ugly old Aunt Esther, frequently drives seasoned watchers to drop out prematurely. To minimize the risk of failure, Bryce has been mentally preparing himself for the weekend's trial.

    "I visualize myself sitting still through the tougher parts [of the marathon], so I don't lose focus and change channels during a cameo by Lena Horne," Bryce said.

    Veteran TV marathoner Andrew Lederle predicted that Bryce may have trouble lasting through season two's laborious exchanges between Fred and his friend Bubba Bexley. If Bryce can weather that stretch, Lederle said, he could very well experience the storied "watcher's high" around the third season, when the show really hits its stride.

    "Hopefully he'll catch his second wind right around 'Ol' Brown Eyes,' when Fred is convinced that the engraved ring Lamont got him was actually stolen from Frank Sinatra," Lederle said. "It's all downhill from there."

    Bryce is currently taking a few "recovery days" in preparation for the grueling marathon.

    "Once I make it through, I'll know I've accomplished something incredible," Bryce said.

    Bryce added: "This is the big one."

    Quote Originally Posted by Scrap Irony View Post
    Calipari is not, nor has he ever been accused or "caught", cheating. He himself turned in one of his players (Camby) for dealing with an agent to get one Final Four overturned. The other is all on the NCAA and Rose. (IF Rose cheated.)
    "Cheering for Kentucky is like watching Star Wars and hoping Darth Vader chokes an ewok"


  2. Turn Off Ads?
  3. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    7,641

    Re: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    "Strickland Propane... Taste the meat, not the heat." - Hank Hill

  4. #3
    Hot Stove Season HotCorner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    The 513
    Posts
    2,179

    Re: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    The Onion rocks!

  5. #4
    Please come again pedro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    portland, oregon
    Posts
    14,747

    Re: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    Bryce underscored the importance of carbo-loading and regular hydration, saying, "I don't want to be like that guy who passed out during the Happy Days marathon because he hadn't been drinking enough Mountain Dew."
    Get your nunchucks and the keys to your dad's car. I know where we can get a gun

  6. #5
    Plays The Right Way Hap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    796.357
    Posts
    1,719

    Re: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    If this is indeed true.....................and he indeed loves that show so much............................

    Why in the he11 doesn't he just buy a DVD recorder?
    .

  7. #6
    Cruisin' for trouble
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Fredericksburg, VA
    Posts
    3,290

    Re: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    Tivo.

  8. #7
    Maple SERP savafan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio
    Posts
    17,569

    Re: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    The picture says it all.
    My dad got to enjoy 3 Reds World Championships by the time he was my age. So far, I've only gotten to enjoy one. Step it up Redlegs!

  9. #8
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    West N. Carolina
    Posts
    55,715

    Re: Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing I've Ever Read

    Go Gators!


Turn Off Ads?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Board Moderators may, at their discretion and judgment, delete and/or edit any messages that violate any of the following guidelines: 1. Explicit references to alleged illegal or unlawful acts. 2. Graphic sexual descriptions. 3. Racial or ethnic slurs. 4. Use of edgy language (including masked profanity). 5. Direct personal attacks, flames, fights, trolling, baiting, name-calling, general nuisance, excessive player criticism or anything along those lines. 6. Posting spam. 7. Each person may have only one user account. It is fine to be critical here - that's what this board is for. But let's not beat a subject or a player to death, please.

Thank you, and most importantly, enjoy yourselves!


RedsZone.com is a privately owned website and is not affiliated with the Cincinnati Reds or Major League Baseball


Contact us: Boss | GIK | BCubb2003 | dabvu2498 | Gallen5862 | LexRedsFan | Plus Plus | RedlegJake | redsfan1995 | The Operator | Tommyjohn25