As a parent, I am always trying to protect my son from things that might hurt him. Of course, some things we just have to learn the hard way (like don't say you were drafted by a major league team if you weren't).
I learned the hard way not to put on a pull-over sweater when the ceiling fan is on.
Anyone else have any lessons. Anyone. Oldrighthander?
Not to intentionally step on bees with your bare feet.
Not to stick your finger in an electrical socket.
You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim Coombs, da do da do...
'When I'm not longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.'
-Snoop on his retirement
Your Mom is happy.
Don't call you second wife by your first wife's name.
She used to wake me up with coffee ever morning
Ok, I'll bite. Kitchen chairs are for sitting on and not standing. Also, don't assume that "nothing" actually means nothing.Originally Posted by creek14
The answer to "does this make me look overweight"? ... is ALWAYS no.
I've learned to ponder the ramifications of the decision to have "Just one more"
To beware when fly fishing in the wind. The hook may come back and hook you in the nose.
And to use barbless hooks.
Never be in TOO big of a hurry to zip up at the urinal...
Don't tell your spouse that her/his Christmas / Birthday / Anniversary present is on lay-away and that they will be getting it "soon".
'When I'm not longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.'
-Snoop on his retirement
Your Mom is happy.
Never, ever, get caught looking at a woman hotter than the one your with.
"...You just have a wider lens than one game."
--Former Reds GM Wayne Krivsky, on why he didn't fly Josh Hamilton to Colorado for one game.
"...its money well-spent. Don't screw around with your freedom."
--Roy Tucker, on why you need to lawyer up when you find yourself swimming with sharks.
hitting a bullet with a hammer is a bad idea.
Don't wait until you are 8 years into your second marriage before you realize your first wife is still your life insurance beneficiary like I did.
I've been to dinner at Jimmy Buffet's house, and I've eaten it at a homeless shelter. And there's great joy and harrowing terror to be found in both places.
-Todd Snider
Cutting open a firecracker with a steak knife is too.
at least you didn't have to die for your wife to find out.
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