That could be a thread in and of itself... Emergency Room Stories.Originally Posted by NYMoose
Never use a steak knife to cut another hole in you son's belt. The emergency room folks do not like re-attaching a finger.
That could be a thread in and of itself... Emergency Room Stories.Never use a steak knife to cut another hole in you son's belt. The emergency room folks do not like re-attaching a finger.
"In my day you had musicians who experimented with drugs. Now it's druggies experimenting with music" - Alfred G Clark (circa 1972)
If you plan on drinking a lot, have something to eat. Cuts down the chances of puking greatly to have something in your stomach. But if you don't, and you have to puke during the ride home, make your girlfriend stop the car first, cuts down the time you have to spend washing her car the next day. If you can get her to stop in time, you can puke while still wearing your seatbelt, just lean over the side. If you don't you can fall face-first into what used to be inside of you. Talk about learning something the hard way. Freaking Gross.
Do tell her you've spent the time apart during the holidays thinking of nothing but her.
Don't tell her that you've spent the time apart, figuring out that Womack will probably have to hit in the neighborhood of .316/.376/.418 and have above the '05 average VORP of 7.1 to be ranked as a Type B free agent, or that you've been pouring over game logs and PBP, trying to figure out if LaRue's passed balls really mean he sucks as a catcher and that he's overpaid.
"...You just have a wider lens than one game."
--Former Reds GM Wayne Krivsky, on why he didn't fly Josh Hamilton to Colorado for one game.
"...its money well-spent. Don't screw around with your freedom."
--Roy Tucker, on why you need to lawyer up when you find yourself swimming with sharks.
When using a reciprocating saw to gut a house, do take the time to switch to a more precise and controllable tool if knowlingly cutting near water lines.
"I'm virtually free to do whatever I want, but I try to remember so is everybody else..." - Todd Snider
Before asking to lick the bowl, remember that while they may look the same, pancake batter and cake mix do not taste the same.
Last edited by Dom Heffner; 12-26-2005 at 02:09 PM.
Don't bet the bank on 4 or more players replicating "career years" when formulating a 25 man roster.
If it's a "really funny idea," it's probably not a "really good idea."
Don't think too much on the spot when arguing with your lady. They are always smarter in conflict than you.
Witty signature.
When working in an office setting, do not rely on your buddy, the IT manager to cover up your heavy internet usage all the time. He may get tired of doing it, or perhaps, his boss may ask for a spot check and he has no time to doctor the records for you.
After breaking up with a girl, getting back together "to work things out" almost never works. This typically means you will take her out to dinner a few more times to give her a something to pass the time while she's warming up a new romance. Once you break up, stop calling, talking or "working things out", period.
Do not date the married executive assistant for your company and expect it to work out well.
If your gutters are clogged, fix them. Don't just let them drain over the sides because you weren't in the mood to drag out the extension ladder.
I'll have to think about this one awhile and get back with ya'
But learning the hard way is really the only way I know how.
"In my day you had musicians who experimented with drugs. Now it's druggies experimenting with music" - Alfred G Clark (circa 1972)
Rarely is a lesson learned, unless learned the hard way...
Never drive faster than the car in front of you.
There are two things you can never have too many/much of: books and art.
No matter how poor you are, the one thing you should never skimp on is dental hygiene.
(Those first two are my mother's two rules of living. The third one I added myself.)
and then of course there is my grandmother's famous advice, given to all of us when we were, oh, maybe ten:
Don't talk to boys, because all boys want is a warm place to put it.
There is no such thing as a pitching prospect.
Bah! You let out our secret!
My head in an oven?
“And when finally they sense that some position cannot be sustained, they do not re-examine their ideas. Instead, they simply change the subject.” Jamie Galbraith
My head in an oven?
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