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Thread: DanO's Day at the Office

  1. #31
    Vavasor TRF's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    10:22 AM

    In preparation for the upcoming lunch, DanO narrows his choices to GoldStar, Skyline and White Castle while discounting LaRosa's completely. Wanting to discount the public perception that he is all about the binder, DanO has it's entire contents dumped to his Blackberry. All the power of a binder in a small inconspicuous device.

    Settling on Skyline DanO ponders the new dilemna that faces him: 3-way, 4-way or 5-way?
    Suck it up cupcake.

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  3. #32
    Joe Oliver love-child Blimpie's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    10:24 AM

    DanO uses every ounce of guile in his body and manages to finagle Bret Boone's cell phone number from his agent. Tampering rules be damned--DanO forces himself to stray "outside the box" and decides that it would be prudent to gauge Bret's potential interest in returning to Cincinnati via a twelve player, seven team trade.

    DanO: "Bret, this Dan O'Brien speaking....(silence)....

    Bret: "Mmpht...What, what time is it?..(distinct sound of stomach acid entering his esophagus)

    DanO: "Ahem...Uh, I'm the General Manager of the Cincinnati Reds. Just between we gents, our front office is aggressively pursuing your talent at this juncture of the offseason. We think having you as a key component in our veteran infield (with Aurilia and Womack) would be a win-win for all parties."

    Bret: "Look man, I told you in the lounge that I didn't order two girls...just the red head..."

    DanO: "Sure, I could see how that would be problematic. Any-who, I was just mentioning to Robert Castellini that we need more character types on this team. I mean, who among us has not seen the footage of your walk-off home run that sent the Yankees to the World Series a few years ago..."

    Bret: "HEY...HEY, do you know who this is you are messin' with? I'll KILL you, man..."

    DanO: "Okay then, I guess it sounds like your on board. Here's to seeing you in a Reds uniform in 2006!"
    "Booing on opening day is like telling grandma her house smells like old lady."--WOY

  4. #33
    This one's for you Edd Heath's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    10:29am

    After successfully reaching Bret Boone, DanO's on the move for some veteran righthanded precence in the bullpen. Dials up the Mexican League.

    DanO - Is this Rich Garces?

    Garces - (hungover) yyyyeahhhhh. Who's yelling in my ear.

    DanO - This is DanO'Brien, general manager of the Cincinnati Reds. Spring Traning begins in a month in Florida and I'm calling to offer you a invite.

    Garces - Is this you Tolbert?

    DanO - Wha...who?

    Garces - This isn't very frickin' funny. I'm hungover, I just devored a plate of tacos, beans, rice & salsa & I'm out of Maalox. If you were gonna pull this crap, at least you could have said you were from the Braves.

    Silence -

    DanO - Well, do you still want to come to Spring Training?

    Garces - Well, do I have to work out?

    DanO - uhh...yeah.

    Garces - Well, no I'm not coming. (Slams reciever down)

    DanO crosses his name off the list.
    Some people play baseball. Baseball plays Jay Bruce.

  5. #34
    This one's for you Edd Heath's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    10:31am

    DanO calls Garces back

    DanO - Hey, Rich we really want you to come to play for us. You don't have to show up until opening day.

    Garces - Isn't Cincinnati cold in April.

    DanO - Well, it's not too bad...

    Garces - Call my owner in the Mexi League.

    (DanO dials up the owner of the Monterey Lobos of the Mexican International League)

    Owner - Yo hable espanol?

    DanO - I didn't know you guys spoke French?

    Owner - Si!

    DanO - We want Rich Garces for the Leagos Grandos

    Owner - We want Willy Mo Pena

    DanO - Deal.

    DanO delves into the Cincinnati Bell Yellow Pages and wants to get Mexican delivered.
    Some people play baseball. Baseball plays Jay Bruce.

  6. #35
    This one's for you Edd Heath's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    10:33am

    DanO calls Dean Taylor over. Pays him $20 to call Lancaster to tip him off at Post about the Garces-Pena deal.

    Taylor - Marc, I'm tipping you off-we just dealt for some veteran pitching.

    Lancaster - Who?

    Taylor - Rich Garces

    Lancaster - For who?

    Taylor - Willy Mo Pena

    (Lancaster laughs uncontrollably)

    Taylor - (hair raises on his necK) - Now, by golly, I'm serious. We made a deal Garces for Pena. Straight up - Now, you report it. (Slams phone down)

    (Lancaster hangs up the phone, sighs deeply and places his head on the desk. He slowly begins banging his head against the desk, while daydreaming he's working the Los Angeles Angels beat next to former Post Employee Tony Jackson at the Los Angeles Daily News)
    Some people play baseball. Baseball plays Jay Bruce.

  7. #36
    I hate the Cubs LoganBuck's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    A typical day for DanO

    He comes in at least 15 minutes late, he uses the side door so nobody notices.

    Once he gets to his desk he just spaces out for about an hour. You know, he just stares at his desk so it looks like he is working. He does it again after lunch.

    In any given day he gets about 15 minutes of real work in.
    The Sox traded Bullfrog the only player they've got for Shottenhoffen. Four-eyes Shottenhoffen a utility infielder. They've got a whole team of utility infielders.

  8. #37
    Unsolicited Opinions traderumor's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    10:45 AM

    DanO calls the Strat-O-Matic game company and wants to know why he has not yet received his computer game. Asks to talk to company owner Hal Richman after getting nowhere with the customer service clerk, who was not sympathetic to the customer's inability to evaluate his team's lineup using the software and perform various what-if scenarios to determine which players he will target for a trade. DanO refrains from using "Do you know who I am?" on aforementioned clerk, apparently not wanting to take the chance for a response of "Who?"
    Last edited by traderumor; 01-05-2006 at 08:51 AM.
    Can't win with 'em

    Can't win without 'em

  9. #38
    Unsolicited Opinions traderumor's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    11:15 AM

    DanO finally hangs up after getting to speak to the Strat-O-Matic chief and gettting to tell him what he thought about Bobby Abreu's fielding rating, despite what Doug Glanville has to say about Gold Glovers and "1" ratings. He also debates Ken Griffey, Jr.'s "4" rating, arguing that he is one of the best in the game and deserves at least a "3" based on reputation. Hal disagrees and threatens to make a last second change to "5" for Griffey if DanO doesn't back off.

    Finally the call turns jovial as both men get a huge laugh at the number of "N-HR" rolls that appear on Eric Milton's card. Hal reveals to DanO confidentially that for the first time he considered letting batters with weak power to get homers off the lefty's card based on the premise that anyone had at least some probability of getting a homer off him. Things get a little testy when Hal ends the call with "I don't know what kind of idiot would pay Milton $8M a year." DanO debates switching to OTP Baseball for his GMing needs.
    Last edited by traderumor; 01-05-2006 at 08:56 AM.
    Can't win with 'em

    Can't win without 'em

  10. #39
    Baseball card addict MrCinatit's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    11:20
    O'Brien contemplates trading Dunn to Goldstar for a bowl of Chili. Cancels deal when he discovers salted crackers are NOT included.

  11. #40
    Unsolicited Opinions traderumor's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    11:16 AM to 10:23 PM

    DanO finally calls it a day. The rest of the productive day was spent discussing the re-signing of Rich Aurilia. Adam Dunn's agent called twice, three different GMs sent emails, and the dish ran away with the spoon while he and Axlerod discussed escalators (the agent finally got through to DanO that he was talking about incentives and not the things carrying people from one level of the stadium to another) and playing time promises. No agreement was reached. But the KungPao was excellent.
    Can't win with 'em

    Can't win without 'em

  12. #41
    Hey Cubs Fans RFS62's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    10:57 PM

    DanO arrives home and cracks open a cold Yoo Hoo. The end of another productive day. Suddenly, he realizes he didn't bring his binder home with him.

    Panic ensues, as he can't remember where he left it.

    The drive back to the office was fraught with fear and wild thoughts. Who could have his precious? And what if they open it and read his journal?

    The realization that his innermost thoughts and feelings might somehow end up on the internet drives him nearly crazy, and he wildly retraces his steps looking for the binder.

    "What am I going to do?!?!" he wails.
    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    ~ Mark Twain

  13. #42
    Baseball card addict MrCinatit's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    11:30 p.m.
    taking a break from looking for his binders, Dan turns on his work computer again and searches eBay for another starting pitcher.
    it is there he stumbles across some of his binders being sold by a dude named NarronRocks. O'Brien puts in a top bid of 5 million for each binder.

  14. #43
    Unsolicited Opinions traderumor's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    Monday 9:08 AM

    DanO is now hibernating, resting from an arduous weekend of negotiating the key contract of the offseason. Axlerod and Aurilia were tough negotiators and reminded DanO several times that Rich could make more elsewhere, but loved playing in Cincinnati so much that he'd play for darn near nothing, or $1.35M, whichever is larger. Calling their bluff, DanO wrote "1.3" on a red posty note (red being the color for "official contract bids") and told the agent to take it or leave it, all while trying to keep the sweat beads from dripping on the table.

    Now, for a long winter's nap. His work here is done....oh how we hope his work here is done soon and very soon.
    Can't win with 'em

    Can't win without 'em

  15. #44
    Member membengal's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    Just wanted to thank you all for this. I got several quality laughs from this when you all were doing this, that helped to ease the pain of the Womack/Aurilia weeks.

  16. #45
    Titanic Struggles Caveat Emperor's Avatar
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    Re: DanO's Day at the Office

    1-23-06: DanO calls a press conference for 7:30 PM in his living room and spends an hour listing several hundred people that he wants to "F-Off"

    Nobody attends.
    Championships Matter.
    24 Years and Counting...


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