I hope you enjoy the $50 in "free" subway rides you'll be getting from my Metro card, and the two McDonald's hamburgers that the $2 in change you stole from me will buy you. I also hope that you appreciate the work of Mr. Paul McCartney, because the CD you took from my CD player is quite good.
The Safelite Auto Glass store also wishes to extend their gratitude to you for the opportunity to replace my rear window. It's fine citizens such as yourself that help them stay in business.
Finally, thanks for making my morning eventful. I was getting so tired of the get-up-and--drive-to-work routine. Your act of vandalism allowed me to take a few moments to sip my tea and pet the cat while I awaited the call back from the friendly D.C. police officer.
Yours in eternal gratitude,
An Irritated Citizen