The Reds Report
By Redsland, for Redsland

Castellini, Ungagged
Promises fans “passion,” proves it with sensuous open-mouth kiss to Hal McCoy.
“Impatient” owner waited three months, got unanimous approval after owners’ luncheon by holding aloft “the antidote.”
XU trustee returns for Shootout, heralds new beginning for Reds, beginning of end for Bearcats.
Hometown ownership “critical” as Hyde Park resident wrests control from Indian Hill outlander.
At GAB, hands-on owner won’t stop touching thermostat.
Mrs. Castellini’s embroidered pillow a plush cry for help?

O’Brien Fired
Produce king cans GM.
Weak link who spent a year “getting to know everyone” spotted on boss’s second day.
Machado boat purchase put on hold.
Told to clean out his desk, former GM estimates task could take “several years.”
Former GM to interview with Texas Roadhouse.

Front Office News
Kullman calls all 29 GMs, asks if their refrigerators are running.
Prospective minority partner a minority with a group of minority owners, a majority of whom are also minorities.
Beattie, hired to assess pitching “soup to nuts,” finishes before soup arrives.
GM candidate Antonetti waives self.

Reds Notes
Dunn broke hand twice last year, agent says he “can’t grip a pen.”
Former Reds to inspire team at spring training include Soto, Browning, Aurilia, Hammond.
Nuxhall back to booth; Stewart “won’t have a full-time job handed to him.”
Freel charges dropped when witnesses couldn’t remember anything the next day.
Paul Wilson throwing without pain, velocity, movement.

World Baseball Classic
WBC denies 10-run mercy rule designed specifically for Vietnam’s Danny Graves.
A-Rod agrees to play for U.S. team with Jeter, asked to switch nationalities.
Brand extension to result in confusing New World Baseball, Diet World Baseball, and World Baseball Zero.

Around the League
Ishii to Japan.
“Reformed” Denny Neagle fined for solicitation, slides one dollar at a time under Clerk of Courts window while humming “The Thong Song.”
Danny Graves offends Vietnamese hosts with scandalous thumbs-up gesture.