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Thread: The Reds Report

  1. #1
    You know his story Redsland's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Norfolk, VA

    The Reds Report

    The Reds Report
    By Redsland, for Redsland

    Krivsky Named GM
    Previous interviews helped immensely; gave valuable insight into Reds tradition, facial hair policy.
    GM, wife have four dogs at home, “eight or so” on roster.
    Factors cited in Krivsky/Beattie tie-breaker: strong work ethic, track record of trading Eric Milton.

    Failed GM Candidates Out
    Special Ass. Jim Beattie, hired to examine pitching, reads own final report, slinks out back door.
    Rick White signing not enough to save Kullman’s job, co-candidate’s report opines.
    Post-Kullman front office scrambles to replace printer cartridge.

    Naehring “Not” Demoted
    Out on new boss’s first day for major dental work, Tim Naehring suffers kick in the teeth, now Minor League Field Coordinator.
    Upon news, GM says former Director of Player Development was “all smiles…literally salivating;” nurses quickly slow Novocain, codeine drips.
    Johnny Almaraz new Director of Player Development, revamps minors with innovative “take two strikes” edict.

    Dayton Daily News: Beattie Defeats Krivsky
    Legally blind Hal McCoy insists two well-placed sources pointed toward grayish blob that sure looked like Beattie.
    Patience, understanding urged by GM candidate Jack McKeon, HoF’er Steve Garvey.
    McCoy to leave DDN, become Reds beat writer for New York Times.

    Hatteberg Signed
    In radical departure from predecessor, new GM’s first FA acquisition a veteran lefty backup/pinch hitter.
    Incumbent lefty bat Jacob Cruz invites Hatteberg quail hunting.
    Will wear number 21 made famous by ousted team favorite Skeeter Barnes.

    Reds Notes
    Joe Morgan to dine with team at spring training, expected to ask players to do better job of advancing the butter.
    Visa status prevents Timo Perez from participating in games; Reds suggest INS take hard look at Milton, Wilson.
    Luke Hudson designated in favor of ugly duckling Mike Gosling.
    Minor leagues ranked 29th; shocking blow to those who thought there’s nowhere to go but up.

    Around the League
    Yankee Ron Villone off Italy’s WBC team after revelation he lives nowhere near Little Italy.
    Brandon Larsen goes to Hollywood; Paula Abdul moved to tears by rendition of Mr. Mister’s “Broken Wings.” Less impressed, Simon suggests another line of work, offers to get Brandon’s old job back.
    Brady Clark gets $7 million deal, providing hope of success to cornrowed white people everywhere.

    Makes all the routine posts.

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  3. #2
    Rally Onion! Chip R's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Cincinnati, OH

    Re: The Reds Report

    I think this may be your best work yet.
    Quote Originally Posted by Raisor View Post
    I was wrong
    Quote Originally Posted by Raisor View Post
    Chip is right

  4. #3
    Make America Stupid Again RFS62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    New York

    Re: The Reds Report

    All the fake news that's fit to print
    Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

  5. #4
    Dunnilicious creek14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2000

    Re: The Reds Report

    Quote Originally Posted by RFS62

    All the fake news that's fit to print
    Will trade this space for a #1 starter.

  6. #5
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    West N. Carolina

    Re: The Reds Report

    Good stuff as always
    Go Gators!

  7. #6
    This could be the year Phil in BG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Bowling Green, Ohio

    Re: The Reds Report

    Good stuff!!

    On a side note:On the Reds website all of the changes are showing under Roster, Front office except Tim Naehring doesn't show up anywhere. Unless I'm missing it.
    Last edited by Phil in BG; 02-14-2006 at 11:27 AM.

  8. #7
    Member Jpup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Southern KY

    Re: The Reds Report

    great as always.
    "My mission is to be the ray of hope, the guy who stands out there on that beautiful field and owns up to his mistakes and lets people know it's never completely hopeless, no matter how bad it seems at the time. I have a platform and a message, and now I go to bed at night, sober and happy, praying I can be a good messenger." -Josh Hamilton

  9. #8
    He has the Evil Eye! flyer85's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    south of the border

    Re: The Reds Report

    Redsland has to be a paid writer somewhere. This stuff is just too good.
    What are you, people? On dope? - Mr Hand

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