Okay, maybe I am just tired, but this made me laugh
Losers of the Week, Feb. 17
This week, you, esteemed loser spotter, get to pick punch lines. Yep, it's Losers Multiple Choice, for the incisive indecisive.
The cocky rap star believes he should be in the Bible because, in his words, "I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already." What other Bible characters have changed the sound of music in their time?
a. Lazarus, who rose from the dead and wound up releasing more albums than Biggie and Tupac combined.
b. Cain and that funky beating he gave Abel.
c. The white-haired guy who sang that "Steppin' out to Eden, Yay Brother" song. No wait, that was "Star Trek."
d. David. The one time he took his eyes off the Lord and began feeling sorry for himself, he invented emo.
e. Judas Priest. Nuff said.
f. Whoever inspired Stryper and their bee costumes has a lot to answer for.
In his upcoming movie "Alpha Dog," JT plays a hardened drug pusher from the streets. Yet according to someone who recognized the Chinese symbols in his fake tattoo, the message it translates to is "ice skating". Can you think of a more embarrassing message for a drug dealer to be sporting on his arm?
a. "Synchronized swimming?"
b. "Tonya Harding was framed!"
c. Anything having to do with Kaballah.
d. "Hugs not drugs."
e. "Former lead singer of N' Sync."
The Week in Pop Music
If you could point to one event this week that signals the downward trend in pop music, what would it be?
a. After three decades, Barry Manilow has the No. 1 album in the U.S. with 'Love Songs From the Fifties." Holy Perry Como, Batman!
b. Leo Sayer has the No. 1 single in the U.K. with a remix of his Seventies hit, "Thunder in My Heart."
c. Leo Sayer knocked a dead guy, the Notorious B.I.G., out of the top spot and Sayer's career has been dead considerably longer.
d. An American Idol graduate won two Grammys.
e. Michael Jackson, the Shah of Pop, is mooching off wealthy families in Dubai.
f. Van Halen is heavily rumored to be the next band to get a new lead singer via a reality TV show while David Lee Roth flounders in radio.
g. Phil Collins continues to draw breath.
h. The RIAA is insisting that copying your CDs onto your iPod or computer constitutes "unfair use" unless you get permission from the copyright holder. Which leads to embarrassing phone calls like, "Uh, Usher, we really hate to bother you but-"
i. The emergence of a sex video featuring Kid Rock and ex-Creed singer Scott Stapp.
j. The emergence of ex-Creed singer Scott Stapp anywhere.
Loser Couple of the Week
Tom & Katie
Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom's saying: "Their relationship is basically over." Another friend adds: "They both agreed that the marriage wouldn't work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other." If this is indeed true, why would a Tom and Katie Split now be such a big tragedy?
a. We get gypped out of watching them learn to hate each other. Just think of the coach mauling potential.
b. Now we gotta return this "Tethan Teething Ring."
c. Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith will want to know why this is happening and wonder how this split will affect their nauseatingly happy marriage.
d. If these two cuckoo birds use the "official joint statement" to respect their privacy at this time too soon after the Heather Locklear and Ritchie Sambora split, it might not ring true.
e. We just came up with the perfect name for the power couple-Tomatie!