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Thread: Changes for NASCAR?

  1. #1
    Resident optimist OldRightHander's Avatar
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    Changes for NASCAR?

    NASCAR Introduces New Format for Selected Races

    ESPN
    March 16, 2006

    NASCAR is one of the most popular sports in America, but CEO Brian France is always looking for ways to expand the fan base. "The average person can relate to sports like baseball and basketball because many people played those sports growing up. Many sports fans cannot relate to what it takes to drive a race car and those fans have a hard time seeing racing as a sport.", France said in a recent interview.

    So what changes does France propose to help more fans relate to racing? Some of the races for next season will feature a passenger of the opposite sex in each car to act as a back seat driver. "Most men can relate to how irritating it is when their wives or girlfriends critique every aspect of their driving.", said Mr. France. "This will add a new dimension to the races that more people will be able to identify with."

    The passenger will be trained in the use of phrases designed to distract the driver. The degree of difficulty will increase as the race goes on. During the first ten laps, the passenger will make random irrelevant comments about discounted items at the local department store or about the ridiculous outfit so and so's wife had on at church. For the next ten laps, comments like, "Do you realize how fast you're driving?", "If you get a ticket our insurance will go up, and we're already paying enough as it is.", "Don't you think we'd get better mileage if you slowed down a bit?" and "Were we really supposed to turn left back there?" will be allowed. After twenty laps, anything goes. The earlier phrases can be repeated but more will be added such as, "Do you think I look fat in this outfit?" and "Will you look at that! Why do women wear such skimpy things?" There will also be random emotional outbursts about anything unrelated to driving and frequent requests to turn down the volume on the radio or change the station.

    A microphone in the car will record everything and television broadcasts will feature audio from selected cars throughout the race. The drivers will be assessed time penalties for any physical aggression directed at the passenger and any response that includes profanity.

    This new feature will not only give men watching the race a new way to identify with the drivers, but it will make the race even more challenging. The passengers will be judged according to how distracting they were and prizes will be awarded to them as well.

    "It should not take much time or effort to train enough passengers for the scheduled races.", commented France, "This sort of thing comes naturally to most women."

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  3. #2
    Dunnilicious creek14's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Oh boy, now we not only slam NASCAR, but women too. Nice.
    Will trade this space for a #1 starter.

  4. #3
    Please come again pedro's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Why they letting France change Nascar? Don't they know those frogs hate freedom?
    Get your nunchucks and the keys to your dad's car. I know where we can get a gun

  5. #4
    Hey Cubs Fans RFS62's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Quote Originally Posted by pedro
    Why they letting France change Nascar? Don't they know those frogs hate freedom?

    Cheese eating surrender monkeys
    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    ~ Mark Twain

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    Resident optimist OldRightHander's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Quote Originally Posted by creek14
    Oh boy, now we not only slam NASCAR, but women too. Nice.
    I'm an equal opportunity abuser. Actually, this was inspired by some wonderful conversations recently while I was behind the wheel. I said that the next car we get will have a speedometer that can't be viewed from the passenger seat. I won't elaborate on where it went after that.

  7. #6
    Big Red Machine RedsBaron's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Quote Originally Posted by pedro
    Why they letting France change Nascar? Don't they know those frogs hate freedom?
    I wonder if Brian France ever thought about changing his name to "Brian Freedom."
    "Hey...Dad. Wanna Have A Catch?" Kevin Costner in "Field Of Dreams."

  8. #7
    Just The Big Picture macro's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Comedian Tim Wilson said that he thought each car should be required to carry the primary sponsor's merchandise on board during each race. When the Tide car wrecked, you'd have powdered bleach strewn all over the track. When the M&M car crashed, you'd have little chocolate candy all over the place for the other drivers to drive through.

    I might add that this part of his stand-up routine was developed in the days before Jim Beam, Jack Daniel's, and Viagra became sponsors on the circuit.


  9. #8
    Dunnilicious creek14's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Quote Originally Posted by OldRightHander
    I'm an equal opportunity abuser.
    I'll be looking forward to the articles you post that dog men.
    Will trade this space for a #1 starter.

  10. #9
    Big Red Machine RedsBaron's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Quote Originally Posted by creek14
    I'll be looking forward to the articles you post that dog men.
    Now that would be going too far.
    "Hey...Dad. Wanna Have A Catch?" Kevin Costner in "Field Of Dreams."

  11. #10
    Member Cedric's Avatar
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    Re: Changes for NASCAR?

    Quote Originally Posted by OldRightHander
    NASCAR Introduces New Format for Selected Races

    ESPN
    March 16, 2006

    NASCAR is one of the most popular sports in America, but CEO Brian France is always looking for ways to expand the fan base. "The average person can relate to sports like baseball and basketball because many people played those sports growing up. Many sports fans cannot relate to what it takes to drive a race car and those fans have a hard time seeing racing as a sport.", France said in a recent interview.

    So what changes does France propose to help more fans relate to racing? Some of the races for next season will feature a passenger of the opposite sex in each car to act as a back seat driver. "Most men can relate to how irritating it is when their wives or girlfriends critique every aspect of their driving.", said Mr. France. "This will add a new dimension to the races that more people will be able to identify with."

    The passenger will be trained in the use of phrases designed to distract the driver. The degree of difficulty will increase as the race goes on. During the first ten laps, the passenger will make random irrelevant comments about discounted items at the local department store or about the ridiculous outfit so and so's wife had on at church. For the next ten laps, comments like, "Do you realize how fast you're driving?", "If you get a ticket our insurance will go up, and we're already paying enough as it is.", "Don't you think we'd get better mileage if you slowed down a bit?" and "Were we really supposed to turn left back there?" will be allowed. After twenty laps, anything goes. The earlier phrases can be repeated but more will be added such as, "Do you think I look fat in this outfit?" and "Will you look at that! Why do women wear such skimpy things?" There will also be random emotional outbursts about anything unrelated to driving and frequent requests to turn down the volume on the radio or change the station.

    A microphone in the car will record everything and television broadcasts will feature audio from selected cars throughout the race. The drivers will be assessed time penalties for any physical aggression directed at the passenger and any response that includes profanity.

    This new feature will not only give men watching the race a new way to identify with the drivers, but it will make the race even more challenging. The passengers will be judged according to how distracting they were and prizes will be awarded to them as well.

    "It should not take much time or effort to train enough passengers for the scheduled races.", commented France, "This sort of thing comes naturally to most women."

    Hilarious stuff.
    This is the time. The real Reds organization is back.


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