They're taking their skills to the streets!
By Nick Jefferys
PAHRUMP, Nev. -- On the heels of the megahit reality show The Apprentice comes a brand new search for sharp business professionals -- The Apprentice Hooker, says the program's creator.
"Smart, dependable prostitutes are hard to find," says Mike McGee, CEO of Strumpet Productions. "I came up with the brilliant idea after a friend, who frequents legal Nevada brothels, told me his favorite hostess, Madam Bovary, confided in him about how tough it was to hire Ladies of the Night who were beautiful, but also intelligent.
"The Apprentice Hooker will attract 'working girls' from all across the country. They'll compete to get into Madam Bovary's brothel, The Best Little *****house in Nevada, where they'll live like queens and service only the wealthiest men in America -- and make themselves a fortune in the process!"
But competitors are going to face stiff challenges to win employment with Madam Bovary.
"I make Donald Trump look like a doormat," says the brothel boss. "Everyone thinks it's easy to be a hooker. Ha! I demand excellence.
"I run a beautiful 'resort' for wealthy, sometimes famous men. They want a lovely lady who is attractively attired. I need women of grace who can prove to me they understand the art of making a deal."
Madam Bovary insists there are a great many similarities between being a successful businessperson and a professional prostitute. Both must be able to:
•Show off their product in the best light.
•Negotiate quickly and firmly.
•Utilize time management and scheduling techniques.
•Provide customer satisfaction.
•Defeat the competition.
•Close the deal quickly.
•Generate repeat business.
•Know when to kiss butt.
The weekly, hour-long program will feature Madam Bovary and 20 escorts each season.
"I'll also let them watch me in action. They can learn a lot by example."
If, after reviewing the tape, Bovary comes to the conclusion there is no hope for that particular prostitute, she'll turn to her and say, "You're laid off."
"The winner or winners will pack their bags and come to live in The Best Little *****house in Nevada, where they'll work and reside in luxury," said Bovary. "The views are fantastic, the women get unlimited spa and gym time, a personal trainer, regular manicures, pedicures and massages. On the practical side, they'll receive full coverage medical benefits and a 401k."
McGee says home audiences will be glued to their TV sets, rooting for their favorites and watching the hookers in action. Viewer discretion will be advised.