AL QAEDA'S LATEST TERROR THREAT: SUICIDE CAMELS
Julia Smits (Washington, D.C.)
Security experts are advising Americans to be on the lookout for unattended camels.
Evil mastermind Osama bin Laden's henchmen have smuggled hundreds of suicide camels into the United States.
The animals are strong enough to carry hundreds of pounds of explosives that can be detonated by remote control -- blowing anybody within 50 feet to smithereens.
But you can save yourself and your loved ones the indignity of becoming an Al Qaeda hit by exercising common sense and keeping on the lookout for camels turning up in places where they don't belong, such as:
1. Roped to parking meters in front of federal buildings.
2. Poking around nuclear power plants.
3. Hanging around airports or trying to board a commercial jet.
4. Watching fireworks displays or crashing holiday cookouts on the Fourth of July.
5. Attending the Republican and Democratic conventions with or without a floor pass and red, white and blue hat.
"The plot is diabolical -- the threat is real," says a CIA source in Washington, D.C.
"While we've been patrolling airports and scouring the Internet looking for evidence of terrorist penetration, Al Qaeda has been smuggling in camels right under our noses.
"Our best guess now is that there are hundreds of these animals positioned near strategic targets in every state.
"And when these things blow, it's going to be big. In a coordinated effort, the devastation could be even more spectacular than 9/11.
"Just imagine the images we'd see on TV if suicide camels silenced the Republican and Democratic conventions this summer or managed to wrest control of an airplane from a flabbergasted pilot.
"The consequences are too terrible to think about. We're asking all Americans to be vigilant in the face of the most sinister terror threat yet. If you see a camel, call the police.
"And while you're at it, get the hell out of Dodge."
It's estimated that each fullgrown suicide camel can carry up to 600 pounds of explosives and contaminants -- including radioactive plutonium pilfered from nuclear power plants and canisters of nerve gas available from science and hobby shops that advertise on the Internet.
The lethal payloads can be detonated by remote control from distances of up to a mile, says the CIA source. That means terrorists who send the camels on suicide runs can be relaxing with a gay lover or sipping a cocktail in a topless joint when the critters blow.
"What's next for these fiends -- suicide puppies?" asks the CIA source. "After this, I wouldn't put anything past them. They are evil to the core."