Oh powerful baseball gods…this humble Cincinnati Reds Fan implores your mercy. Your wrath has fallen upon our team over the last few evenings, weakening our warriors and having them succumb to their foe’s blows.
Painful it has been to see our once invincible sluggers whiff at the air or dribble soft rollers to the opposing side’s glove-bearers. Especially at a time when our much maligned rock throwers have been surprisingly effective in their endeavors.
What have we done to invoke your fury?
Perhaps we have failed to pay you the homage and respect you deserve. I believe it was last Thursday when a bold strike from our oft-ailing returning soldier GRIFFEY THE YOUNGER turned a well-deserved defeat into a surprising victory. Such an event could only have been a GIFT from the Baseball Gods. We should have honored you. Instead warriors and onlookers alike proclaimed it of our own doing. Our arrogance was our undoing.
Please forgive us, we pledge to:
Offer our reverence to the Baseball Gods and the game, with its inevitable ups and downs.
Respect the enemy, in particular the apparently weak, since they have little to lose and partisans who have suffered more than we.
Support the team that has been given to us by Lord Krivsky, in sickness and in health, till trades or DFA’s do us part.
As a sacrifice to the Baseball Gods, I will refrain from watching tonight’s game and only read about the results when the next sun arises. We hope the baseball gods accept this and other offerings and placate their fury.
your most humble worshipper