Let me start by saying that I am generally a well heeled guy...Genteel if you will. Yeah, I can be loud and stuff, but for the most part I have good social graces and don't generally get myself into too much trouble.
But there's this other side of me. I've got a sick sense of humor, and I can do and say some very cringe inducing things.
I have good days and bad days.
Today was one of those bad days.
It started innocently enough. Got up, cooked the dog some breakfast, gave him his insulin, payed the bills, checked my fantasy baseball score (I've got a 27-8 record on Baseball Manager dontchaknow...), went to the bank. Normal stuff.
Then there was the car wash. It's one of those places that takes your car from you, vaccuums it out, runs it through the machine, all while you wait. Well, I was just sitting there watching CNN, when this yuppy wearing a pink Ralph Lauren shirt, pleated pants, and tasseled shoes (you know, the whole business casual look) talking very loudly on his cell phone about "meetings" and "emails"....Guh!
Anyway, the guy TURNS THE TELEVISION OFF so he can make all of his moreimportantthananythingyoucouldeverdo calls. The whole time, I'm sitting there at once trying to contain myself and devise some kinda scheme to do something totally passive aggressive to the guy.
You've got to understand...I hate these people. They're worse than hippies. Way worse. At least hippies do funny things and really don't hurt anyone.
So, as he's talking, I started feeling really "gassy", to put it mildly. I went out with my girlfriend last night, and on the way home I picked up some White Castles, so something mighty was brewing down there. So, when I was able to put two and two together, I decided to hold it until my name got called to pick up my car. Lemme tell ya, that wasn't easy. I felt like I was on a date or something (I don't do that stuff around my girlfriend and that's what makes me a gentleman). Anyway, I soldiered on for twenty minutes or so, until I heard those two beautiful words "Jon Michael!" (they know me by name there)and I was out of there like a flash, but I left a gift that surely kept on giving behind.....I did bring a little with me, and it was definitely a winner.
When I got home, I noticed the girl that lives next me had yet to pick up her mail, and there was a Victoria's Secret catalogue sitting right there on top of her mailbox......I mean, I'll put it back, but I haven't seen one in a long time.
I'm just curious is all.
That's not really very bad, is it?