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Thread: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

  1. #1
    Resident optimist OldRightHander's Avatar
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    Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    Performance Enhancers Not Just For Players

    Associated Press
    June 9, 2006

    CINCINNATI, Ohio

    The Feds are not stopping with Jason Grimsley. In the wake of the recent scandal involving the Arizona pitcher, federal officials have stepped up investigations into performance enhancers in baseball, but are not just looking at players.

    "Performancing enhancing drugs are a problem across the board in baseball. We will root out the problem in all areas of the game, on and off the field.", said an anonymous federal agent.

    One area that has recently caught the attention of investigators is the myriad of baseball related web sites such as Sons of Sam Horn and Redszone. Such sites exist for most teams in baseball and are popular places for fans to discuss the games. "If you are involved in baseball, you must be clean.", said another agent.

    After an extensive investigation, agents showed up with a warrant and searched the home of KronoRed, a member of a site devoted to fans of the Cincinnati Reds. The large number of posts attributed to KronoRed drew the suspicion of investigators and lead to the warrant. Agents discovered three desktop computers, four laptops, and 264 spare keyboards. When asked about the keyboards, KronoRed simply replied, "I wear them out pretty fast, so I have to have enough spares on hand." The computers and keyboards were all tested and found to be clean, but 365 gallons of apple juice were found and confiscated. A federal agent commented, "We have to test the juice for any substances that could enhance typing performance or help someone sit at a computer for long periods at a time without sleep. It just doesn't seem possible that someone could make that many posts without the aid of an illegal substance."

    KronoRed was irate. "That was a year's supply of perfectly legal apple juice that they took from my house. I don't see how it could be a performance enhancer. With as much as I drink, the bathroom breaks take away from time I could be posting on Redszone."

    In spite of the pending charges, KronoRed maintains his innocence and will not ask for his release from Redszone. "Krono is a valuable part of our community. He might post a lot, but he's clean", said an administrator of the web site.

    "I just love baseball and I like to talk about it. I just have more to say than most fans. I am sure that nothing abnormal will be found in the juice that was taken from my house.", said KronoRed.

    KronoRed was last seen in the juice aisle at Kroger. The results of the investigation have not yet been released. It is unknown if any other internet posters are being investigated.

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    KronoRed (03-31-2014)

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  4. #2
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    I'm innocent and I appreciate all my fans sticking with me during this difficult time

    Thank you
    Go Gators!

  5. #3
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    Come on OldRightHander, you are only 41,818 behind KronoRed. We COULD throw you into that same boat.

  6. #4
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    Quote Originally Posted by redsfanfalcon
    Come on OldRightHander, you are only 41,818 behind KronoRed.
    Not even that close.

    Krono lost a boatload of posts when the 'be the last to post' threads were removed from Redszone. Add those back in and he's got something like eleventy-billion posts.

  7. #5
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    I thought that little blue pill was making a it's way back into baseball and it's fans from the title.

  8. #6
    Baseball card addict MrCinatit's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    I do not think Krono is on the juice.
    However, I do maintain that Krono is not actually one person, but 27 different people posting under one name. No single person could have that many posts.

  9. #7
    ORG Infidel Cicero's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    This wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't red. We all know Krono is a me first poster, but if he was green or blue we wouldn't be having this discussion.
    Ron Popeil apologist.

  10. #8
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    I'm suprised this hasn't been done earlier, he has twice as many posts as anyone else. He's only been in the league three years.

    I must admit I've thought about juicing, myself. A fringe poster like myself doesn't have much of a shot without it. I have to provide for my family somehow, ya know?

    I have a feeling the lid about to be blown off this story. There will be some names that will SHOCK you. It's for the good of the game, though.

  11. #9
    2009: Fail Ltlabner's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    I just assumed that KronoRed was some sort of boiler-room, sweat shop sorta opperation churning out posts quicker than a tellemarketer can dial his next phone number. I envision some dark, dank basement somewhere with 47 down-trodden, under-fed, under-paid and over worked folks chained to old IBM PS2 machines with 386 processors pecking out post after post after post. The boss of the room is a swarmy, overweight, shirt-tail hanging out, greasy caped, poorly dressed man with a cigar in his mouth, and his pants half zipped. Shouting out orders like a circus barker, he alternates between brow-beating the workers and pouring KronoRed another mug of swill...uh..I mean apple juice.
    a super volcano of ridonkulous suckitude.

    I simply don't have access to a "cares about RBI" place in my psyche. There is a "mildly curious about OBI%" alcove just before the acid filled lake guarded by robot snipers with lasers which leads to the "cares about RBI" antechamber though. - Nate

  12. #10
    Member TeamCasey's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal


  13. #11
    On the brink wolfboy's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    My sources tell me that this is much more widespread than you'd think. Many have speculated that Krono's posts are "leaded apple juice" powered. That's only the beginning. Cyclone's posts are largely enhanced by ingesting ground up calculators and spreadsheets. WOY has been injecting historical archives for years. And, just as we all suspected, Raisor's bloodstream is around 93% Spanish Fly. I can't even get into Jim Coombs. You'd need an advanced degree in chemistry to understand that one.
    How do we know he's not Mel Torme?

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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    That's great ORH!!!
    Let's make some noise!

  15. #13
    CELEBRATION TIME RBA's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    A thought "Krono" was just one of those annoying "bots" that pop ups in every Redszone thread. I didn't know a living breathing person was behind it.

  16. #14
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal

    I must protest!
    This is the place where all the posting has come from

    As you can see..nothing illegal here
    Go Gators!

  17. #15
    Baseball card addict MrCinatit's Avatar
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    Re: Another Performance Enhancing Scandal



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