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Thread: Have a heart! - Help a MLB Player

  1. #1
    Time is the Revelator. LvJ's Avatar
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    Have a heart! - Help a MLB Player

    Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in
    our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We
    have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate
    scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, and a
    myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we
    must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

    Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are living
    at, just below, or in most cases far above the seven-figure salary level.
    And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
    giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming
    strike situation. But you can help!

    For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of
    a large screen projection TV) you can help a MLB player remain economically
    viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
    problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and
    every little bit will help!

    Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a baseball player
    it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing in Florida
    or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more
    than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical
    insurance, but to a baseball player, $700 will partially replace his daily
    salary.

    Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
    home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or
    enjoy a weekend in Rio.

    HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

    Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
    sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate,
    and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon
    signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
    player lounging during the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for
    a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your
    refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

    HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

    Your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
    help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be
    able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
    additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

    YES, I WANT TO HELP!

    I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is checked
    below:

    [ ] Infielder
    [ ] Outfielder
    [ ] Starting Pitcher
    [ ] Ace Pitcher
    [ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
    specific team - $10 per minute)
    [ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)

    Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the player for
    the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the player I have
    sponsored, along with an Alex Rodriguez 2001 Income Statement and my very
    own Donald Fehr MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80
    for hat).

    Your Name: _______________________
    Telephone Number: _______________________
    Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
    [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
    Signature: _______________________

    Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit): Account
    Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______ [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ]
    American Express [ ] Discover
    Signature: _______________________

    Mail completed form to MLB Players Union or call 1-900-F%*&-THE-FANS now to
    enroll by phone ($10 per minute).

    Disclaimer: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have
    sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited to,
    telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties.

    Contributions are not tax-deductible..........................
    .................But we are working on a bill that would make your
    contributions Tax Deductable.



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  3. #2
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    MLB Telethon

    That has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a long time!
    Thanks LvJ
    "Time to Condense the Nonsense" Terrible Terry Tate - Office Linebacker

  4. #3
    Hey Cubs Fans RFS62's Avatar
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    Man, *sniff* that really got to me.

    Where do I sign up?
    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    ~ Mark Twain

  5. #4
    Time is the Revelator. LvJ's Avatar
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    Originally posted by RFS62
    Man, *sniff* that really got to me.

    Where do I sign up?
    Just call 1-900-F*CK-THE-FANS!

    $10 Bucks a Min..

    :smokin:

  6. #5
    Member 15fan's Avatar
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    Anxiously awaiting the Sally Struthers commercial associated with this noble cause...

  7. #6
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    LVJ, You outdid yourself on that one, , thats the funiest post I ever seen on here. I called that number, Aaron Boone's girl friend answered. She was very sexy sounding.:evilgrin: Got to print this one out and save it.

  8. #7
    Time is the Revelator. LvJ's Avatar
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    Yep, thanks to an unknown email ..

  9. #8
    syncope
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    Re: Have a heart! - Help a MLB Player

    Originally posted by Red LvJ

    [ ] Infielder
    [ ] Outfielder
    [ ] Starting Pitcher
    [ ] Ace Pitcher
    [ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
    specific team - $10 per minute)
    [ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)

    [ ] Tom Hicks (desperately needs funds for yacht payments, Bushie Presiduncial Campaign donations).
    Cash only, please.

  10. #9
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    That was great Ill have to print that out and hang it on my fridge
    "If he doesn't want to come, to hell with him, Go get somebody else." - Adam Dunn

  11. #10
    Rally Onion! Chip R's Avatar
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    Good stuff!
    The Rally Onion wants 150 fans before Opening Day.

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rally-...24872650873160

  12. #11
    Bunn-O-matic max venable's Avatar
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    Outstanding post.

  13. #12
    Dunnilicious creek14's Avatar
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    I emailed it to Marty and Joe. Wonder if it will get any air time. :evilgrin:

    I signed it "smooches" just to suck up to them a little so they might read it.
    Will trade this space for a #1 starter.

  14. #13
    Member CougarQuest's Avatar
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    THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!

    We ought to mail it to each of the players. I bet they would get a kick out of it too
    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  15. #14
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    My Dr says I'm not suppose to laugh this hard cause it hurts my recovery!

    Can we give them cash, which is just as good as money?

  16. #15
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    Originally posted by GAC

    Can we give them cash, which is just as good as money?
    Good ole Yogi
    "Hindsight is 20/20"


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