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Thread: Two and One Half Years

  1. #1
    Ripsnort wheels's Avatar
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    Two and One Half Years

    "I don't want you to think you're some sort of PROJECT".

    That's how the conversation began.

    My response?

    "Maybe I do, just a little bit...."

    Inside I felt that little thumpity thump.

    You know, that feeling you get when you and your "person of persistant interest" are about to have The Big Breakup Talk.

    It's really hard to think back to that day two weeks ago without getting that feeling.

    www.redszone.com/forums/showthread.php?p=11266#post1126616

    I'll always remember her for her abject opposition to smiling. Seriously, that's almost as close as she ever got when it came to actually smiling.

    Of course, that's not the girl I first met. I thought she was fun loving, yet demur and maybe just a little bit guarded. Plus, I thought she was a total fox.
    I'm not gonna lie to you, for the first time in my life I went all in for the looks.
    'Course, you can't really tell from that picture.

    When I first met her, I found myself doing things for her attention that I would have never done before.

    I was comprimised. My security had been breeched, and I couldn't do a derned thing about it.

    All the while, she was beginning her offensive.

    I didn't dress well enough.

    I didn't know how to watch my language (that one's true, but tell that to Nick Tosches or Earl Weaver and see what happens).

    I voted for Nader in 2000. She went off on me for nearly forty five minutes when I told her that one.

    She would constantly put me down for growing up in a small town, yet totally discounted the fact that I somehow grew up to be a well read Punk Rock guy.
    Do I put on heirs? No, and somehow that made me beneath her. Even though she reads books with phrases like "The NUMBER ONE beach book of the year" printed on the jacket.

    She said that stuff, and not one single shred of it is untrue. If I wanted to freak you all out, the list could actually go on for three or four pages.

    Why in hades would I put up with that? I can be bitter, surly, pig headed, boorish and nihilistic....Thing is, while I was with her, I was just.........

    Numb.

    I had nothing in the tank. I was ready to become a Stepford Husband if it meant I'd be allowed to do naughty things to her. Thing is, she isn't really all that naughty to begin with. Shoulda been another red flag.

    I was a one man hung jury and it makes me sick.

    "I think we need a break" She said.

    "We might need more than that, toots." I said.

    My roomate once wrote a song about me. "Professional Againster" was the name, and it fit perfectly.

    She reduced me to a meely mouthed, nervous, nail biter who wouldn't challenge her or anyone else for fear of.....Something.

    I honestly don't know what I was afraid of.

    Not getting laid?

    Not bloody likely, Bub.

    Being alone?

    Haw! She's gone, and alla my pals are comin' outta the woodwork just for the CHANCE to rock out with me.

    Not getting married?

    To quote my best friend Tim Moreland: "Would you really wanna deal with THAT for forty years? Let's face it, you're not gonna live to see seventy anyway..."

    It's funny how things work.

    I knew this day would be cataclysmic.......I just thought it would be the BAD kinda cataclysm. Ya know, floods and alla that hokum.

    Naw baby NAW.

    Life is actually kinda good. I started going to one of those Gym things (a few weeks before the breakup...How prescient am I btw?), The Thomas Jefferson Slave Appartments played on Saturday for the first time in years, The Reds could possibly make the playoffs, and my friends are calling me again.

    It's funny. I've got the energy to post on Redszone more, and I think I writing with more zeal than I have in years.

    I think ol' Wheels is back, and I missed him. I sure you all did as well.

    You've been served, people.

    Love me, hate the Cardinals.

    I'm gonna leave you guys with a project. Find some New Bomb Turks songs on the internet. Look for the song "Veronica Lake". Listen to the words, and that's where I am. It's off their 1997 record entitled "At Rope's End".

    "The bent angels broke my neck, and eventually my mind. My time is short, why do I spend so much time searching for Veronica Lake."
    "We know we're better than this, but we can't prove it." - Tony Gwynn

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  3. #2
    Member SteelSD's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    wheels, thank God and all that is holy that you're rid of her.

    Here's the great secret of the greatest relationships of all time...

    We do not love people in spite of their flaws. We love people because of them.

    I dated a goodly number of girls before I found my wife. Every one of them had a fatal flaw. That fatal flaw is that they all wanted to change me into something I was not rather than accept me for who I was. And I'd like to highlight "who I was" because people do change over time. Contrary to popular belief, people do change. My wife understood and understands that. She also understands that who I am is a huge benefit to her and, likewise, she is a huge benefit to me. She knows that because I have put 100% into the relationship and she has responded with 100% back.

    Relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100.

    Knowing that, there is little reason to wish for what used to be; especially if what used to be wasn't all that good. Sounds like you were giving 110% while your partner was giving 40%. Nearly every adult on his board has been in those relationships before. They suck. They suck badly because those relationships demand that you be someone you can't possibly be. Ever. No matter how much you change or grow, you can't ever be the person the other needs you to be.

    For the short-term, that's tragic on multiple levels because the person who's determined that they "need" something different is very rarely ever going to find it. They may find what they perceive to be their "need" but it's superficial. Those people are swayed by appearance rather than substinance. When that happens they're lost. It's a life of unhappy because they couldn't appreciate the best they ever had.

    wheels, I've got a wife who accepts me for who I am without hesitation. I've grown a great deal since we first got together as has she. We were both worth it. She loves me for my flaws rather than in spite of them. She walks into comic book shops and, sometimes, walks out with more books than I do. She's my best friend. She's my counterbalance. She's my conscience and my project and my life. When you find a girl like that, you won't have any problem holding onto her because she'll hold onto you tightly without trying to tell you who you need to be for her to stay with you.

    I've always considered life before marriage as the best way to find out exactly what you don't want. I applaud you for figuring that out and I insist that your experience with that girl is going to aid you in procuring a better match within a couple months of this post.
    "The problem with strikeouts isn't that they hurt your team, it's that they hurt your feelings..." --Rob Neyer

    "The single most important thing for a hitter is to get a good pitch to hit. A good hitter can hit a pitch that’s over the plate three times better than a great hitter with a ball in a tough spot.”
    --Ted Williams

  4. #3
    Where's my chair? REDREAD's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Just wanted to pop in and say I'm glad things are working out for you man.
    Thank you Walt and Bob for going for it in 2010-2014!

    Nov. 13, 2007: One of the greatest days in Reds history: John Allen gets the boot!

  5. #4
    Member TeamCasey's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Quote Originally Posted by wheels
    I was ready to become a Stepford Husband if it meant I'd be allowed to do naughty things to her.


    Welcome back, Wheels!

    I'm sorry ....... but it sounds like she's not good enough for you.
    Pots and Kettles

  6. #5
    Joe Oliver love-child Blimpie's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    "You're so money, you don't even know it...."
    "Booing on opening day is like telling grandma her house smells like old lady."--WOY

  7. #6
    Charlie Brown All-Star IslandRed's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Good move. Being alone is a pretty good deal relative to one of those soul-sucking relationships.

    I'll ditto what Steel said. My wife thought I was basically OK the way I was, and vice versa, and we can live with each other's flaws and foibles. And it helps that she's not bothered by that many things in the first place.
    Not all who wander are lost

  8. #7
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Sounds like you made the right move, my man.
    "Strickland Propane... Taste the meat, not the heat." - Hank Hill

  9. #8
    He has the Evil Eye! flyer85's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    a favorite quote about marriage from Howard Hendricks

    I spent the first 10 years of my marriage trying to keep my wife from discovering who I really was before I figured out she already knew who I was and loved me anyway.
    What are you, people? On dope? - Mr Hand

  10. #9
    Puffy's Daddy Red Leader's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Steel, that was a great post, man.

    Wheels, welcome back to your life. Now go do what "you" want to do with it and don't let others try and make you waste it constantly sucking your time on them.
    'When I'm not longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.'
    -Snoop on his retirement

    Your Mom is happy.

  11. #10
    Puffy 3:16 Puffy's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Wheels - I've got one word for you man.

    Hookers.
    "I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all out of bubble gum."
    - - Rowdy Roddy Piper

    "It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong. I am not a big man"
    - - Fletch

  12. #11
    White Castle to the Nile Crash Davis's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Good stuff here, wheels. I went through something very similar a few years back.

    Wait, didn't I read a thread like this from you about 2 years ago?

    I love the wheels break-up threads. One of the unique treasures of redszone.
    "I fought because I understood and could not bear to understand, that it was my destiny -- unlike that of my father, whose fate it was to hear the roar of the crowd -- to sit in the stands with most men and acclaim others. It was my fate, my destiny, my end, to be a fan."

  13. #12
    Puffy 3:16 Puffy's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Quote Originally Posted by Crash Davis
    Good stuff here, wheels. I went through something very similar a few years back.

    Wait, didn't I read a thread like this from you about 2 years ago?

    I love the wheels break-up threads. One of the unique treasures of redszone.
    2 years ago - that might have been the Puffy had Sex thread. That is about the right timeframe.

    Another couple of months or so and I should have another.

    Just gotta save up the $200 bucks.....
    "I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all out of bubble gum."
    - - Rowdy Roddy Piper

    "It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong. I am not a big man"
    - - Fletch

  14. #13
    Mon chou Choo vaticanplum's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Steel, you sound exactly like my mother That's one of her two rules of living about which she has always been adamant: you cannot change other people. Change comes from within; if someone changes, it is because he or she made the decision to do so. You can exchange ideas, you can provide argument, but you cannot change other people. "Projects" have Elmer's glue and duct tape, not brains and emotions.

    Her other rule for living is Never drive faster than the car in front of you, which is wise. (She has a third one too -- There are two things you can never own too much of: books and art -- but turns out she was wrong about that. I move all the time and I'm sick of lugging all my big stupid books around.)

    In any case, wheels, it sounds like you are much better off. At the very least you certainly sound happier and like you have learned valuable stuff for the future. I do feel like I come across people (not often, because I have the smartest, bestest friends in the world) who seem to be staying in relationships for no other reason than fear of being out of them, which makes zero sense to me. There is so much else in the world and you can't force what isn't right or what cannot work, and certainly you can't force what makes you unhappy. Life is too short. Enjoy your great friends, your family, your music and baseball and whatever else you know you love.
    There is no such thing as a pitching prospect.

  15. #14
    Ripsnort wheels's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Quote Originally Posted by Crash Davis
    Good stuff here, wheels. I went through something very similar a few years back.

    Wait, didn't I read a thread like this from you about 2 years ago?

    I love the wheels break-up threads. One of the unique treasures of redszone.
    Seriously, this doesn't really happen to me all that often.

    I've had two, or maybe three really intense relationships.

    The rest have been just waking up in one of my female friends' beds and having a big laugh about it later, or one nighters in strange towns.....But that's a whole 'nother story.

    I do tend to wax romantic....Repeatedly. Just today I caught myself thinking all gushy like over a good friend's sister.

    I had to slap myself.
    "We know we're better than this, but we can't prove it." - Tony Gwynn

  16. #15
    Pre-tty, pre-tty good!! MWM's Avatar
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    Re: Two and One Half Years

    Welcome back, wheels. You've been missed. Great thread, BTW.
    Grape works as a soda. Sort of as a gum. I wonder why it doesn't work as a pie. Grape pie? There's no grape pie. - Larry David


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