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Thread: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

  1. #1
    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
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    Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    I'm sure I've had worse than this one, but this always sticks out in my mind.

    I was about 12 years old or so, watching television with a few of my relatives at Thanksgiving when a commercial for "Buddy's Carpet Barn" came on and I opened my big mouth.

    "Who in the heck would name their kid Buddy? What a stupid name."

    My cousin replied, "Well, my name's Buddy."

    "Yes it is," I said, recalling a moment too late that a man named Buddy was two feet away.

    You know, in thinking back on that, I've met only one person in my life named Buddy, and I've only uttered that sentence one time in my 37 years and he just happened to be sitting right next to me when I did it.
    If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don't follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-foward the parade. --Mitch Hedberg

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    2009: Fail Ltlabner's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    I was at Wright State University in Fairborn, Ohio. 1990. Freshman year.

    Being the stud that I am I pulled on my skin tight ripped jeans, AC/DC concert-t and button down shirt (sleves rolled up, worn open and not tucked in, of course) along with my snake skin boots and sauntered over to my first class.

    After sitting through Bio 101 in a 600+ person lecture hall I strutted over to the cafetera to await some friends. While waiting outside, an attractive member of the female gender took up a place across the hall from me to await her friends. Since I was a total playa in those days, I checked her out and made clear that I noticed her and approved. After a few minutes of sultry looks, alluring eye gestures and making sure my flowing locks (read: mullet) were stunning I made my way to the restroom.

    Upon walking up to the urinal (while congradulating myself for driving another woman wild with passion) I reached down to unzip my fly.......

    Only to realize that it was down the entire time. From the minute I left the dorm, all through class with 600 people and while I was knocking that girl out with my don juan-y-ness my zipper was wide open. Being that they were skin tight jeans there was no mistaking what was going on.

    It was at that moment I fully accepted the fact that I am a dork.
    a super volcano of ridonkulous suckitude.

    I simply don't have access to a "cares about RBI" place in my psyche. There is a "mildly curious about OBI%" alcove just before the acid filled lake guarded by robot snipers with lasers which leads to the "cares about RBI" antechamber though. - Nate

  4. #3
    Pre-tty, pre-tty good!! MWM's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    I was at working at a Client's building (Cincinnati Financial) shortly after I got out of undergrad. They have two buildings that are someting like 10 floors high. All the floors are exactly identical and they are setup in a circle-like design with a hall going around the entire floor. We were located on the 10th floor while we were there. The Men's bathrrom on our floor was out the main door and directly to the left. The women's was out the door and directly to the right.

    I went in to the men's room on my floor to do som reading (if you know what I mean). I went in there and both stalls were occupied. The stairway is directly next to the men's room door, so I walked out went immediately down the stairs to the floor below. I walked through the stairway door and imediately into the restroom door next to the stairs (where the men's room is on my floor).

    I'm in there for a few minutes when two women walked in and were chatting. I immediately realized I was in the women's bathroom. They reversed the sides of the main entrance where the restrooms were on this floor.Because I didn't have any need for the urinals, I didn't even notice that there weren't any and that there were 4 stalls. So I'm sitting in there as silent as I can possibly be. One of the women went into the stall next to mine and went herself. After they left I was about to make a dash for it when another woman walked in and went into one of the other stalls.

    As sson as she left, I got up and made a mad dash for the door. When I walked out I looked down both directions of the hall and luckily no one was there. I was lucky no one saw me.
    Grape works as a soda. Sort of as a gum. I wonder why it doesn't work as a pie. Grape pie? There's no grape pie. - Larry David

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    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    MWM, that reminds me of a time I was on an elevator with one other person, travelling from the 5th floor to the first.

    It was just us two when I started to smell something that could only be one thing.

    And it didn't come from me.

    The elevator stopped at the second floor and my gaseous elevator mate got out.

    When I got to the first floor the door opened and there was a group of about 5 super hot ladies getting onto the elevator who- I suddenly realized- were about to convict me of a crime I did not commit.
    If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don't follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-foward the parade. --Mitch Hedberg

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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by Dom Heffner View Post
    MWM, that reminds me of a time I was on an elevator with one other person, travelling from the 5th floor to the first.

    It was just us two when I started to smell something that could only be one thing.

    And it didn't come from me.

    The elevator stopped at the second floor and my gaseous elevator mate got out.

    When I got to the first floor the door opened and there was a group of about 5 super hot ladies getting onto the elevator who- I suddenly realized- were about to convict me of a crime I did not commit.
    Are you sure this isn't a Rudy Ray Moore sketch?

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    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    Are you sure this isn't a Rudy Ray Moore sketch?
    Never heard of Rudy Ray Moore, but I assure you it happened in August of 2004 in beautiful (though the weather on the elevator was a bit humid) Tampa, Florida.
    If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don't follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-foward the parade. --Mitch Hedberg

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    For a Level Playing Field RedFanAlways1966's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    I'm too embarrassed to tell... :

    All funny stories above... MWM, Ltlabner and Dom.

    I must admit that the below story had me LMAO....

    "Who in the heck would name their kid Buddy? What a stupid name."

    My cousin replied, "Well, my name's Buddy."

    "Yes it is," I said, recalling a moment too late that a man named Buddy was two feet away.
    Small market fan... always hoping, but never expecting.

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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by Dom Heffner View Post
    Never heard of Rudy Ray Moore.

  10. #9
    2009: Fail Ltlabner's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by Falls City Beer View Post
    Are you sure this isn't a Rudy Ray Moore sketch?
    Come on FCB, no embrassing stories in your fabled past?
    a super volcano of ridonkulous suckitude.

    I simply don't have access to a "cares about RBI" place in my psyche. There is a "mildly curious about OBI%" alcove just before the acid filled lake guarded by robot snipers with lasers which leads to the "cares about RBI" antechamber though. - Nate

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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by Ltlabner View Post
    Come on FCB, no embrassing stories in your fabled past?
    I'll think on it. There are tons. Though I abandoned my dignity long ago.

  12. #11
    Joe Oliver love-child Blimpie's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    This one is easy....

    The summer before my senior year of high school, my parents up and moved the entire family from Lexington, Kentucky to Palm Beach, Florida. By the time we got settled in, I had lived in Florida but only two months prior to beginning my senior year in a brand new high school. Thus, when the first day of classes arrived, I still did not know a single solitary person in a school that had 1,800 students.

    Because I was a transfer student, I was told to report to the guidance office with my transcripts the first thing in the morning. Presumably, I would then be placed in the proper classes, etc...When I got to the office, it was absolutely packed with other students. The room was so crowded, in fact, that I was one of many students who had to sit in little miniature chairs--shoved off to the side of the guidance counselor's office.

    When my name was finally called, I quickly learned that my path to the office was blocked by at least a dozen students who shared my appointment schedule. The only way I could possibly navigate my way through the sea of students (without asking about half of them to move their chairs) was going to require some ingenuity. Being the new cat in school, I opted for the path of least resistance and decided I would not ask all of the other students to move their chairs just so I could get by them.

    Instead, I had the bright idea to skillfully balance atop my little plastic chair and then--at the precisely proper moment--vault over top of the remaining rows of students to the open area of carpet in the room. Sounded like a plan. Heck, I figured that I would even get style points from my peers for my degree of difficulty.

    Well, the best laid plans are most definitely laid to rest. Although I performed a thorough analysis of the required vaulting distance, wind speed, and backpack load factor--I failed to consider a very salient detail. Much to my chagrin, my chair was situated directly below a framed door opening that led to another office. Yes, as I stood upon my plastic chair, the top of my dome could not have been any more than 6" from the bottom of the door casing. Before anyone else could process what I was intending to do, I sprung out of my chair and cracked the top of my head squarely against the door opening.

    I am not talking about a "glancing blow" or anything here. I mean that I literally knocked myself out--COLD. Apparently, I was even out before I hit the floor. There I was, sprawled out unconscious in the middle of the guidance office floor on my first day in a new school. Although I was only napping for about 20 seconds, when I came to, there were about four students crouching over top of me checking for signs of life. One guy who was laughing hysterically said to me, "dude, that was the stupidest thing I have ever seen anyone do before..." His name was Mike Weisburg and he became the first person who I officially met at this school. We actually ended up being pretty good friends for several years.

    The last time Mike and I spoke was about 15 years after that incident. He still reminded me that after I fell to the floor like a sack of doorknobs, you could see a huge clump of my scalp that was still clinging to the top of the door frame like something out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre home.
    "Booing on opening day is like telling grandma her house smells like old lady."--WOY

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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    my most embarrasing moment? everytime i look in a mirror undressed

  14. #13
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    http://www.redszone.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51838

    I have more, but the above should suffice.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  15. #14
    Oy Vey! Red in Chicago's Avatar
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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    Having a bad case of diarrhea during a Penn & Teller show in Vegas. I must have made 10 trips back and forth to the bathroom. The final trip was a few minutes before the show ended. I'm in there blasting away, while the cleaning crew is mopping the floors and taking out the garbage. It's uncomfortable enough having to do that in a public bathoom, let alone when the cleaning crew is in there. I tried my best to hurry, but you know there are just some things that can't be rushed. Anyway, after I finally got done, washed up and exited the bathroom, there were about 20 security people waiting to close up the arena. I've never had so many people waiting for me to finish pooping in my life. Completely mortifying. My friends still haven't let me forget this. So much for "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"

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    Re: Your Most Embarrasing Moments

    6th grade camp--camp kern---the last nite there they hold a dance..it seems that i'm the only one in there without a dance partner..making me depressed..then they start playing this sappy depressing love song...everything hits me at once and i start crying like an idiot-75% of my future graduates dancing with their newfound partners and im crying like somebody shot me.....what a putz


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