Turn Off Ads?
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: What Did You Call Me?

  1. #1
    You know his story Redsland's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Norfolk, VA
    Posts
    7,714

    What Did You Call Me?

    What Did You Call Me?

    -by Redsland

    Some days you’re the hammer, some days you’re the nail. Today I’m thinking screwdriver. Hold the OJ.

    Around the office, I’m known as “the baseball guy.” Years ago this could have been attributed to the fact that I was a rabid fan. But I’m less rabid today, thanks in part to the loss of my pet raccoon, Snarly, and, somewhat ironically, to the dogged efforts of the medical community.

    You probably know the type I’m often assumed to be. Perhaps you’re me yourself, and if so, do you know where either of us put the car keys? People who festoon their offices with autographed festoonery. Who proclaim “We’re number one!” when the RPI clearly says they’re in the middle teens. People who, I think we can agree, have probably painted their chests more times than they’ve polished their shoes.

    Not me. Not anymore. But I perpetuate the myth of fandom. Why, you ask? Easy. I do it for those who are close to me. As a courtesy to my colleagues. For them. What can I say? I’m a giver.

    Why shouldn’t I be? We’re all the same. We put our pants on one leg at a time. Or, if you prefer, our panty hose, if, say, the office is really cold or we’re all going clubbing later. In any case, we all race to work each day, rush to our desks, and frantically try to cram 10 hours of Amazon.com and personal calls into only eight.

    Before all of that and again after it, there are a few moments of silent calm as we walk to and from our cars. And sometimes, quite by coincidence, I’ll be traveling to or from my car at precisely the same time you are. This is going to cause us to wait for an elevator together. To ride up or down together. To be together. And nothing, I have found, makes it easier for people to strike up a conversation of approximately elevator-ride length than being with “the baseball guy.”

    Well, maybe I shouldn’t say nothing makes it easier. After all, alcohol is well known as the social lubricant. But there is no place for alcohol in the office, wink wink, and besides, there are precious few people here I’d want to lubricate, and even fewer whom I’d want to have lubricate me.

    And so I grease the skids by being “the baseball guy.” If not for my well-known avocation, who knows how many “going up?” tete-a-tetes beginning with “How about that…” might have ended with “…weather,” rather than “…pitching”? Coincidentally, both questions elicit the same response, which is, “5, please.”

    Superficial chit-chat is such a strange animal. People seem compelled to engage in it with acquaintances whose names they can’t quite remember, but stop speaking the moment an actual stranger climbs into the same elevator. My evening? To regale you with the tale would give you such a fascinating glimpse into my very being that when someone from “3” infiltrates our midst, we instantly lock down into an information embargo that would make the Dell hotline beam with pride.

    The truth is, there are a lot of perks to being “the baseball guy.” My March Madness brackets can and do tank without much comment. If you draw my name in the Secret Santa pool, any gift that’s held together with red stitches or covered in tobacco juice is perfectly acceptable, including Don Zimmer. And when new hires are being trotted around on their first day, I’ve noticed that many more of them manage to say something cogent to me than they do to my neighbor, “the extreme antiquing guy.”

    Sure, my title is a little one-dimensional, but it’s a far cry better than the sobriquets I’ve earned at previous places of employment, like “the baseball guy who better not show up late again,” and “guess whose turn it is to clean out the john.”

    Yep, it’s a sweet little system in which everybody wins. Everyone gets to focus on their own problems without thinking too much or too hard about me. And me? Well, now I can finally stop watching all of those games and just focus on the things I love: piles and piles of stats.

    ###
    Makes all the routine posts.

  2. Turn Off Ads?
  3. #2
    Hey Cubs Fans RFS62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    16,601

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    ~ Mark Twain

  4. #3
    Haunted by walks
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    Syracuse
    Posts
    6,569

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    Whatever your day job is, you should quit it.

  5. #4
    Waiting for a tour/album KittyDuran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Hamilton, Ohio
    Posts
    8,399

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    Quote Originally Posted by BCubb2003 View Post
    Whatever your day job is, you should quit it.
    I know where he works and it's kinda "swanky"...
    2014 Reds record when I'm attending: 15-11
    2014 Dragons record when I'm attending: 2-1
    "We want to be the band to dance to when the bomb drops." - Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran

  6. #5
    Mon chou Choo vaticanplum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Pittsburgh
    Posts
    7,158

    Re: What Did You Call Me?



    There's wisdom way beyond baseball and work here.
    There is no such thing as a pitching prospect.

  7. #6
    Waiting for a tour/album KittyDuran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Hamilton, Ohio
    Posts
    8,399

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    I'm not the "Baseball Gal or Girl"... more a "Big Baseball Fan". People come to the office whether it be the Postal Carrier, UPS guy, the Copier Repairman, etc. and if it's in season or a big trade went down, I'm always asked for an opinion. If a person doesn't know me well or a guest, and notices the "shrine" on my desk, they will ask the innocent questions of... "Like baseball?" "Reds fan?" or "Dragons Fan?" (if they're from Dayton - if they're not they don't have a clue). After that the question that follows is... "Go to any games?" When I tell them how many they seem shocked. I believe its more of a Greater Cincinnati area thing - sort of being a Reds fan but not going to too many games with the old reason still being the strike.
    2014 Reds record when I'm attending: 15-11
    2014 Dragons record when I'm attending: 2-1
    "We want to be the band to dance to when the bomb drops." - Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran

  8. #7
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Bellefontaine, Ohio
    Posts
    26,656

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    In your office job as "baseball guy".... do strikeouts matter?

    Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode and the discourse between Elaine and Keith Hernandez....

    Keith: I know all about getting to 1st base.
    Elaine: Well maybe you should keep an eye on that 3B coach because he's not waving you in.

    At work, and in the breakroom, I am considered the ultimate "Baseball Guy" when it comes to the Reds.

    Now there are some on here who think I have a problem with stat guys/sabermetrics (which I don't).

    I wish some of you could listen in on some of the conversations/duscussions we have over the Reds and various players. You'd be proud of me!....

    They should have never traded Casey
    Castro was a great signing
    Adam Dunn's B/A is too low and the guy K's too much

    Trying to talk to them about OPS, RC, and other statistical criteria simply blows them away, and they look at me like I'm some sort of geek who has never played the game.
    Last edited by GAC; 11-23-2006 at 06:10 AM.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  9. #8
    Member Jpup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Southern KY
    Posts
    6,967

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    Redsland, you are a genius. Keep it up.
    "My mission is to be the ray of hope, the guy who stands out there on that beautiful field and owns up to his mistakes and lets people know it's never completely hopeless, no matter how bad it seems at the time. I have a platform and a message, and now I go to bed at night, sober and happy, praying I can be a good messenger." -Josh Hamilton

  10. #9
    Passion for the game Team Clark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Posts
    8,104

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    Wow! What a refreshing post. I laughed, mused and reflected. I feel cleansed. Thankyou Redsland.
    It's absolutely pathetic that people can't have an opinion from actually watching games and supplementing that with stats. If you voice an opinion that doesn't fit into a black/white box you will get completely misrepresented and basically called a tobacco chewing traditionalist...
    Cedric 3/24/08

  11. #10
    Member ochre's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    4,266

    Re: What Did You Call Me?

    amazon.com? That's soooooo 2002~!
    4009




Turn Off Ads?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Board Moderators may, at their discretion and judgment, delete and/or edit any messages that violate any of the following guidelines: 1. Explicit references to alleged illegal or unlawful acts. 2. Graphic sexual descriptions. 3. Racial or ethnic slurs. 4. Use of edgy language (including masked profanity). 5. Direct personal attacks, flames, fights, trolling, baiting, name-calling, general nuisance, excessive player criticism or anything along those lines. 6. Posting spam. 7. Each person may have only one user account. It is fine to be critical here - that's what this board is for. But let's not beat a subject or a player to death, please.

Thank you, and most importantly, enjoy yourselves!


RedsZone.com is a privately owned website and is not affiliated with the Cincinnati Reds or Major League Baseball


Contact us: Boss | GIK | BCubb2003 | dabvu2498 | Gallen5862 | LexRedsFan | Plus Plus | RedlegJake | redsfan1995 | The Operator | Tommyjohn25