OK. How many are getting up at 4 AM and venturing out today for the sake of the sales?
I don't even leave the house. No way!
My wife and sister-in-law are going out.
I would rather face al Qaeda then a woman with a shopping cart trying to get into WalMart or Targets at 5 AM. Your chances of survival are far greater.
About 4 years ago my younger brother let his wife talk him into going out with her. He thought it couldn't be that bad.
Being the older brother and married longer, I tried to educate him on the shopping gene....
"Matt, you're inexperienced and untrained. While fathers were sending their boys to YMCA camps and baseball clinics, every mother out there was sending their daughters to training camps, refining their skills with a shopping cart on how to make the kill and a "take no prisoners" mentality.
While you went on nature hikes to learn more about the environment, these girls were out in nature learning how to take down a deer with their bare hands!
I'm telling you.... do you think it's mere coincidence that the week of deer hunting season coincides with Black Friday? Both involve fresh meat.
The only reason your wife wants you to go along is because every hunter needs a dog.
If you venture out there into that, somewhere there's a 600 lb woman, who probably nursed Dick Butkus when he was a pup, in her flowered bath robe and hair in curlers with a shopping cart all sharpened WAITING FOR YOU to take you out over a Furby!
THINK MAN THINK!
Let me save you the time and we'll go out in the shop, I'll get the hedge trimmers and castrate you right now."
Below is the God's honest truth.....
Well.... the boy went out anyway. He waited in line, at the crack of dawn, outside the new Super Walmarts for almost 2 hours with his wife and about 200 others.
When the store was getting ready to open it's doors, here comes THAT woman pushing her shopping cart from the lot, and thinking she was gonna waltz right into the doors in front of everyone as if she had tenure or some right to do so.
My brother made the ill-advised mistake of throwing his cart in front of her's in a weak blocking maneuver. He then opened his mouth and screamed "Where the hell do you think you're going?"
The woman actually went after him physically.
Where was his wife? Did she hang around to defend him?
No... Doors opened, and she didn't hesitate. After all, we're talking the sales of the year here. Her husband made the greatest sacrifice, and his wounds will heal. She was in Walmarts with those other 200 women.