Ladies of the Forum: Your Advice Needed

[GriffeyFan]

Hello,
I have a personal situation that I would like to pose to the ladies of this forum. I don't know how many women peruse this forum, but I would think there would be a few. Guys, you're welcome to respond as well but I think the ladies will probably be able to answer this better.

Anyway...here goes. There is a girl that I used to work with at my job. We started out in the same department and I began about 9 months before she did and then she came on and we worked together for about 3.5 months before I moved on to a different division (same building and same floor).

Well, she was a taken woman when she started and she got married 6 months later. She also ended up moving to a different division and now works 2 aisles over from me. We still talk, though not as much as we used to because her current position doesn't allow for much personal phone calls and visiting. We usually shoot a few emails a day to each other and so on.

Even though I knew she was a taken girl when she started, I almost instantly fell for her. I had never met someone who had so many of the characteristics I was looking for in a woman. That said, I never indicated any of this to her because she was going to be married and I wasn't about to rock that boat.

So, the bombshell I received came about 2 weeks ago. She said she had something to tell me. In fact, she described it as her "drama." So she goes on to tell me that she is getting a divorce (married just over a year) and that she and her husband have been separated for almost 2 months. I was so totally shocked that I didn't know how to respond. That was about the last thing I expected her to say.

The stranger thing about the whole thing was that a little less than a week earlier she had asked me if I had a girlfriend (which I didn't) and then asked why and to keep her updated. I didn't think much about it b/c we would talk about those types of things from time to time. So now I'm wondering maybe that wasn't just a coincedence...or maybe it was.

Ok, so here's where I need your advice. I want to get her a little something for Christmas...something that just says "I'm thinking of you" or "I'm here if you need to talk." I don't want it to be too much. I want it to be a friendly gesture, not a "courting" gesture if you know what I mean.

I think there is a potential for us but I know that window might not be open until several months down the road. For now, I just want her to know that I'm here. She's a very smart girl though and I'm sure she already knew I liked her.

Anyway, so that's it. If you don't want to post anything here, you can PM me.

Thanks for listening.

[WMR]

I can answer this one. She wants you dude.

http://www.amazon.com/Kama-Sutra-Sex...?ie=UTF8&s=dvd

Order soon though, only 3 left in stock.

You're so money and you don't even know it.

[Spring~Fields]

Caveat emptor

[Yachtzee]

I can answer this one. She wants you dude.

http://www.amazon.com/Kama-Sutra-Sex...?ie=UTF8&s=dvd

Order soon though, only 3 left in stock.

You're so money and you don't even know it.

Classic.

[Highlifeman21]

Spa package somewhere.

There's plenty in town, if you know sorta where she lives, try to get her a gift cert closer to her casa.

Toss a note in there along the lines of "Here's a little something to unwind 2006" or something like that. It's ambiguous, yet says you were thinkin of her.

I've never met a woman yet who doesn't like time at the spa.

[CougarQuest]

Griffeyfan, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but SHE'S BEEN THROWING YOU HINTS!!! Ask her out already. After you've gone out, you'll KNOW what to get her.



Oh, and WMR's book idea is a 2nd date gift. Highlife's idea is an anniversary gift (1st month, 1st year) or the "she wants to go to the opera and there's a huge game on the same type" gift idea.

[TeamMorris]

Griffeyfan, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but SHE'S BEEN THROWING YOU HINTS!!! Ask her out already. After you've gone out, you'll KNOW what to get her.

I would have to agree with CQ here (Hi CQ)! The hints are flying! Send her flowers with a nice card. People may roll eyes to that but I know they always make me feel special Do it soon and then ask her out for a drink or coffee after work some day. That way you can talk face to face and get to know her and the situation better before you ask here out on a real date ! Go for it & good luck!!

[WVRed]

Griffeyfan, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but SHE'S BEEN THROWING YOU HINTS!!!

Most guys are clueless around women (myself included, speaking from experience) when it comes to subtlety. Although I give you credit GF for putting two and two together.

My advice would be jewelry. It doesnt have to be an engagement ring, but it does show interest while not being overly familiar. Maybe try and see if you can find her birthstone.

Although i've got to admit, the Kama Sutra isnt a bad idea for yourself. Props to WillyMo.

[Ltlabner]

Am I a total jerk, but only going by the facts given, I think I would keep a wide birth and avoid this potential relationship for a while? Giving her a gift, especially considering all of the hinting, only opens the door for more to follow.

Sorry to be a wetblanket, GF, but I'd be cautious of jumping into a serious relationship with anybody who is just getting out of a failed marriage. The shortness of the marriage, and that they've been seperated are certinally extinuating circumstances, but I'd rather she take some time to figure out what happened, deal with any issues she might be having due to the failed marriage, etc. Maybe she is amazingly well adjusted, but most people have baggage from a situation like that.

While your intentions to only express your support for her are admirable, if she indicates that she wants something more serrious (and she's already hinting like mad) would you only keep it friendly for the length of time you felt she needed or would you be tempted to let things happen right away?

I'd rather go through the heartache of fighting the urge to blurt out you're crazy about her, than the agony of finding out you are Mr. Rebound Guy.

Just my $.02. Like I said, I'm probably Mr Stick in the Mud but that's my take.

[Heath]

Am I a total jerk, but only going by the facts given, I think I would keep a wide birth and avoid this potential relationship for a while? Giving her a gift, especially considering all of the hinting, only opens the door for more to follow.

Sorry to be a wetblanket, GF, but I'd be cautious of jumping into a serious relationship with anybody who is just getting out of a failed marriage. The shortness of the marriage, and that they've been seperated are certinally extinuating circumstances, but I'd rather she take some time to figure out what happened, deal with any issues she might be having due to the failed marriage, etc. Maybe she is amazingly well adjusted, but most people have baggage from a situation like that.

I'd rather go through the heartache of fighting the urge to blurt out you're crazy about her, than the agony of finding out you are Mr. Rebound Guy.

Just my $.02. Like I said, I'm probably Mr Stick in the Mud but that's my take.

Just my .02 is ditto on this.

Getting the rebound at one end doesn't mean you get the points at the other.

I agree with Lil' Abner...give her some time. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

[KittyDuran]

I'd start out with a card... then see how she responds. On a personal note, I frown on office romances, too many politics involved for my taste. Like L'Abner I'd be cautious. Also, what YOU want out of the this relationship might be different than what she wants. She's just getting out of a failed marriage and seems to want to get back into the saddle again.

Even though I knew she was a taken girl when she started, I almost instantly fell for her. I had never met someone who had so many of the characteristics I was looking for in a woman. That said, I never indicated any of this to her because she was going to be married and I wasn't about to rock that boat.

This sent warning signs to me - you are already taken with her (which she doesn't know) and you might get a letdown if she is looking at you as a stepping stone and not as long term.

[savafan]

Well GF, I'm kinda in this situation right now, in the advanced stages, in that the two of us jumped, and now things are really complicated and messy.

I have to agree with Ltlabner when he says to be cautious. I wish I would have...

[letsgojunior]

I can answer this one. She wants you dude.

http://www.amazon.com/Kama-Sutra-Sex...?ie=UTF8&s=dvd

Order soon though, only 3 left in stock.

You're so money and you don't even know it.

This is the best advice I've heard in recent memory.

[Reds4Life]

Sounds like you are setting yourself up to be the rebound guy, which rarely works out and usually ends in disappointment and hurt feelings.

[919191]

Also, what YOU want out of the this relationship might be different than what she wants. She's just getting out of a failed marriage and seems to want to get back into the saddle again.

This is good advicee, GF, and it is probable that what she wants now is not what she will want a few months down the road. Don't go running away, just take your time.