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Thread: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

  1. #31
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Quote Originally Posted by 15fan View Post
    My 3 year old is potty trained, but occasionally needs some help with some of the tidying up activities after the bodily processes are completed.

    Before the holidays we had some folks over, and the kiddo needed to go to the bathroom. She used the downstairs bathroom, which isn't far from the part of the house where the guests were. When she was finished, she yelled for my wife to come help her. No problem. So my wife went in, pulled a hunk of toilet paper, and started to clean up the kid.

    Evidently, my wife was tidying up the wrong part of the anatomy, because the kid yelled at the top of her lungs "Don't wipe my cornhole, Mommy! Just my coochie!"

    And then there was the time that the kiddo & I were running errands. While we were at Home Depot, she had to drop a deuce. We found the men's room, and several of the stalls were occupied. We found one that wasn't, and she went to work, with plenty of grunting. When she was done, she turned around and looked in the bowl. Without hesitation, she blurted out "Oh! A big one!" I've never heard as much laughter in a men's room in all my life.

    I've also had to explain on multiple occasions my kid's proclamation that I'm the daddy because I have "a peanut".
    When my oldest boy, who is now 18, was 4 years old, he had trouble properly wiping himself after #2. One day we were at the local KFC for dinner. My son needs to go the bathroom, and since it was well in view of our table I said go ahead and go.

    About 10 minutes later the door flies open, my son is standing there in the doorway with his pants down around his ankles and yells "HEY! I NEED HELP IN HERE!"
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

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  3. #32
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Leader View Post
    We were at church this past Sunday. It was about the middle of mass, maybe a little after that. Everyone had put their "kneelers" back up into position. The priest was blessing the offering. Someone's "kneeler" fell back to the ground and made a very loud noise. My youngest (3) says "What the HELL was that?" The whole place was silent when he said that. Everyone within 10 rows of us was cracking up laughing.
    LMAO.... that's hilarious! What's a parent to do in those situations?

    In our church we like to get the kids involved somewhat so every Sunday they chose a different child to come up front and read the selected scripture.

    My daughter, who was ten at the time, was reading a passage that mentioned the word hell 2-3 times. Every time my daughter got to that word she said "heck". Everybody in the church broke out laughing!

    We had a little talk with him, and my Dad from whom he learned this funny little phrase, after church.
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    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  4. #33
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Quote Originally Posted by gonelong View Post
    A few months before my son turned 3 we were in church. Sometime during the mass he whispers to me, "Daddy, you said this is God's house, right?"
    Me whispering: "Yes".
    Him whispering: "So that means Jesus lives here too?"
    Me whispering: "Yes"
    Him not whispering: "Jesus has four ceiling fans!"

    My wife listens to the Beatles quite a bit. Yesterday I heard my boy (barely 3) singing "Yellow Submarine" ... all of it, word for word.

    GL
    Reminds me of the story where the grandparents took their young grandson to church one Christmas to see the live Nativity play. They were seated up in the balcony because the boy was rather unruly and they wanted to be somewhat separated.

    So they begin the play, and they start bringing in the wild animals one by one, then the shepherds come down the aisle. The boy is hardly paying attention is being very hyper. The grandma shhhh's the boy and says here comes the King. It gets the little boy's attention, he jumps up, runs, looks over the railing and says..."That's Elvis??"
    Last edited by GAC; 01-26-2007 at 08:31 AM.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  5. #34
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Quote Originally Posted by SunDeck View Post
    Roger that. My dad radar kicks in whever I here "uck".
    The closest my teens get is the constant use of the word "friggin". I actually hate that word.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations

  6. #35
    First Time Caller SunDeck's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Quote Originally Posted by GAC View Post
    The closest my teens get is the constant use of the word "friggin". I actually hate that word.
    That's entry level cussing.

    When I was about twelve, I decided I'd start using some four letter words around the house. I tried it in front of my dad and he just told me flat out,
    "You know son, that sounds really stupid, coming from your mouth."

    That was it. Cured. Immediately.
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  7. #36
    He has the Evil Eye! flyer85's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    My two nephews (then must have been about 9 and 5) were visiting my parents. They lived out in a somewhat rural area with a treeline along their backyard and their dad how showed them when they needed to relieve themselves they could go into the treeline and take a whizz. They were outside at my parents and my dad and myself were watching out the side window of the lower floor of their bi-level(window at ground level). My oldest nephew runs up gets really close to a bush and starts to go, it took a few seconds to figure out what he was doing because he was being as discreet as possible. Just as he finishes his young brother comes running up. He stops about 2 feet short of the bush and pushes his underwear and pants down to his ankles and pulls his shirt up to his neck(my sister would tell me he would change all of his clothes if he dribbled on himself). He then starts peeing on the bush in a high arcing stream. My Dad and I are laughing so hard we are almost crying when young Andrew spots us watching and laughing. He simply makes a face and sticks out his tongue while continuing his business.
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  8. #37
    Puffy's Daddy Red Leader's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    On a similar theme, my parents have a pool in their backyard. My Dad lets the boys jump out of the pool and go on the bushes in his backyard if they have to relieve themselves, rather than forcing them to go inside to the air conditioned house to the bathroom (my wife hates this).

    My youngest jumped out of the pool last summer and yells "watch this" to my Dad. He proceeded to let a high, arcing stream flow over the bush onto the side of their house. I walk out the back door at the same time and see this occur. I tell him to calm it down and to go on the bush and not shoot it over the bush onto the house.

    My Dad looks over and says "Let him go, I'm enjoying watching it. I wish I had that kind of pressure to do that. That's amazing. I'm lucky if I don't dribble on myself these days." I busted out laughing, but then thought, *man* I'm not too far away from those days myself.
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  9. #38
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    I have a little cousin who had toe surgery and they gave her medication that made her feel loopy, and the nurse asked doctor, "What kind of dressing should be on the cuts?" My cousin outta nowhere said, "Ranch!!" I thought it was hilarious!
    Let's make some noise!

  10. #39
    You're being very UnDude. sonny's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Our sixteem month old loves emulating animals and noises cars make etc..
    one day, while feeing him, I said what does a cow say?

    "moooooo"

    What does a sheep say?

    "baaaabaaaaa"

    what does a gorilla say?

    "oooooh ooooooh" (while beating his chest)

    then Just for kicks, I asked him: what does mommy say?

    "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
    Witty signature.

  11. #40
    Mon chou Choo vaticanplum's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    I LOVE the church stories...I think my favorite little-kid story ever regards my cousin in church when she was 3, which combines my favorite, church stories and small children embarrassing their parents stories. Suburban-raised, she was a little sheltered, to say the least, and of course very young. Well, in church one sunday, their family was sitting across the aisle from a black family. My cousin spotted them, and in the middle of service, in a dead silent church apart from the priest, screamed out excitedly, "Look, Mom! The Jeffersons!!!"

    On a similar note, a couple of years ago I was at the beach with my cousin and her kids. The middle one (youngest at the time) was two and a half then and was in the midst of a phase of being fascinated by breasts. He loved them. My cousin was pretty laid-back about this so he talked about breasts, no big deal. He also, for the first few years of his life, hilariously and inexpicably, referred to himself in the third person (Sam is hungry; will you take Sam to the beach?; etc.)

    So we're sitting at the beach and the boys are playing nearby. All of a sudden Sam runs up to a very overweight man in swim trunks and starts talking to him. We watch carefully, because they're close enough that we can keep an eye on them but too far to really hear what they're saying. Sam is very cute and friendly and we can see that he's asking the man questions. Suddenly, Sam reaches up and makes a grab for the man's chest, one hand per thing. My cousin is mortified (I, unhelpfully, was trying very hard not to laugh) and stands up to go get him and apologize, but right them Sam comes running over shouting, "He said they are manboobs, Mama!! Sam likes man-boobs!!" He was so elated at the possibility that he, too, might one day be able to have them after being told so many times that they were only for girls. It was incredible. Luckily, the man seemed to be very good-natured about it.
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  12. #41
    Rally Onion! Chip R's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamCasey View Post
    Boy just told me boogers taste like chicken.
    My older niece was in my mom's car over Xmas. Mom was driving, I was in the front seat and my younger nephew and her were in the back. They were talking about something weird and what it tastes like and my niece said, "It tastes like chicken." I thought it was funnier that she knew the joke than what she said.
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  13. #42
    THAT'S A FACT JACK!! GAC's Avatar
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    Re: Kids Say (Do) The Darnedest Things

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamCasey View Post
    Boy just told me boogers taste like chicken.
    My wife's chicken tastes like boogers.
    "panic" only comes from having real expectations


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