Headlines from around the SEC

[Chip R]

Alabama

"Alabama Leads Way In Human Cloning, Vows Bryant Clone."
"Alabama Crowned 2006 Practice Champions."
"Alabama Bans Bryant Comparison Painting; Cites Shula Embarrassment."
"Several Media Members Spotted Crying At Saban Press Conference."
"Mike Shula Concerned Saban Offense May Score 'Too Much.'"
"Jesse Jackson Protests Saban Hiring; Claims Racism In Croom Getting
Passed Over Again."
"Alabama Fans Pray For Bryant To Rise From Grave On Easter Sunday."


Auburn

"Auburn Victorious In Annual A-Day Scrimmage; Toomer's Corner rolled."
"Tuberville Undergoes Ear Reduction Surgery; Vows To Fight 'Dumbo
Syndrome.'"
"Midnight Auburn Plane Bound for Louisville to Privately Meet with New
Cardinals Coach in Preparation for Tuberville Loss to 'Bama."
"Auburn Claims Latest National Title: 2006 Undefeated on the Road
Championship."
"Crayola Crayons to Become the Official Writing Instrument of the
Auburn Tigers."


Tennessee

"Fulmer Fuming Over Stolen Post-Game Meal; Junior and Lulu Suspected."
"Fulmer Concerned Over Low Arrest Totals."
"University Gives Seminar On Finding Phony ACT Takers for Football
Prospects In Greater Atlanta Area."
"Demonte Bolden Voted 'Tennessee Defensive Tackle Most Likely To
Eventually Stomp On A Helmet-Less Player's Face' by the Knoxville
News.


LSU

"Les Miles Overdoses; Gumbo Suspected."
"Big Baby Breaks Diet, Eats Mike The Tiger."
"Bayou Bengal Faithful Dubbed 'Greatest Coonasses In The World' By
American Culture Quarterly."
"LSU To Begin Giving Out Free Beer Bottles To Throw At Opposing Team's
Buses."
"LSU Has Real 'Earthquake Game'; Stadium Implodes In Fourth Quarter."
"LSU Wins 2007 SEC Championship, Miles Accuses Rest of SEC of Rampant
Cheating."
"Breaux Bridge Crawfish Boil Brings In More People Than LSU Spring
Game."


South Carolina

"Lou Holtz Gets ESPN On Probation."
"Year For Ages Predicted In 2007, Gamecock Fans Have High Hopes for
9-4 Season."
"After 2006 Florida National Championship, Spurrier Officially Regrets
Taking South Carolina Job."
"South Carolina Uniforms Voted 'Worst In The SEC' For the Sixteenth
Consecutive Year."


Ole Miss

"Ed Orgeron Eats Urban Meyer; Complains Coach Was 'Too Skinny' "
"Ole Miss Administration Pleads With Archie Manning For Multiple Sperm
Samples."
"Rebs Hoping Long-Lost Manning Sister, 35, Can Return Team to Glory."
"Orgeron Greats Incoming Freshmen With Hearty, "Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo....
FOOTBALL!"


Georgia

"UGA Fans Complain of Ray Goff-Like Performances Against Florida."
"2007 Bulldogs Looking Forward To Annual Florida Loss."
"Matt Stafford to Compete With Phil Fulmer, Jared Lorenzen in
Krispy-Kreme Eating Contest."
"Georgia Joins Alabama In Human Cloning Quest; Vows Herschel Walker
Clone."
"Verne Lundquist Has Lips Surgically Removed From David Pollack's
Ass."

Arkansas

"2007 Hogs Looking Forward to Annual Auburn Beatdown In Otherwise
Mediocre Year."
"Nutt Hopeful 'Wildcat' Offense Can Win CFA's Annual Award for 'Best
Impersonation of A Pre-World War II Offense."
"Darren McFadden Nominated For The 'Best Player On A Likely Crappy
Team" Award."
"Nutt Claims Offers From Alabama, Miami, North Carolina, North
Carolina State, and Boston College, But Vowed To Never Leave
Fayetteville."
"Nutt Voted 'Coach Most Likely To Go Down Like Mike Price' By The
Associated Press.



Mississippi State

"Bulldog Faithful Unsure If Alabama Obsession Will Continue With Shula
Gone."
"Sylvester Croom Will Appear on the Third Day of SEC Media Days; Croom
Cries Racism Over Late Schedule."
"2007 Mississippi State Looking For First SEC Championship In
Post-Hitler Era."
"Bulldogs Shooting For Elusive Fourth Win In 2007."
"2007 MSU Bulldogs First Team Goal: Be Good Enough Not To Be
Humiliated By An Internet Music Video."


Kentucky

"Tired Of Basketball Losses, Kentucky Vows To Give Football the Ol'
College Try."
"Best Season In 30 Years? Wildcat Fans Hope For 9 Wins In 2007."
"In Honor Of Bluegrass State and Boise State Success, Kentucky
Switching To Blue Field In 2007."
"Furious Over Former Kentucky Coach Bear Bryant's Success At Alabama,
Wildcats Seek Revenge By Hiring Mike Shula."


Florida

"Leak Looks To Continue Florida Tradition Of Producing Terrible NFL
Quarterbacks."
"Meyer Cries Following Son's T-Ball Defeat."
"Florida Fans Do 'Gator Chomp" Upon Hearing Of Gerald Ford's Death."
"University Changes Name to Florida Tebows."
"Urban Meyer Goes Where He Has Never Gone Before: A Third Year At The
Same School."