Turn Off Ads?
Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

  1. #1
    throws 106. NBD.
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1,194

    Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    As I got back to work from Subway yesterday I got an idea for a thread since there seems to be a few Mitch fans here on Redszone. At least once a day I will be in a situation where I can quote a Mitch Hedberg joke and immediately have a smile on my face that usually lasts quite a long time.

    As I reached for my bag of Sun Chips yesterday I immediately thought to myself, "there are 6 ducks outside and they all want Sun Chips!"

    Whenever I shave I always say "I'm going to shave, too."

    Stuff like that. Does anyone else do this? If not, I bet you do now.



    He may not be with us any more but his comedy certainly lives on. It is sad to think about how his life was cut so short and also how much comedy he still had left to give. I don't use this word often, but IMO Mitch Hedberg was a true comedic genius. RIP Mitch...alright!

  2. Turn Off Ads?
  3. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    3,736

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    Mitch is one of my favorite comedians.. such a weird sense of a humor

  4. #3
    Titanic Struggles Caveat Emperor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    The 513
    Posts
    12,642

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    Quote Originally Posted by justincredible View Post
    As I got back to work from Subway
    "Mitchell, do you like submarine sandwiches? All-ecompassingly!"
    Championships Matter.
    23 Years and Counting...

  5. #4
    Churlish Johnny Footstool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Olathe, KS
    Posts
    13,791

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    Every time I see Nascar, I think, "Hey man, you must really like Tide."
    "I prefer books and movies where the conflict isn't of the extreme cannibal apocalypse variety I guess." Redsfaithful

  6. #5
    Tired of talk. Win! Joseph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    The Commonwealth
    Posts
    8,364

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    I feel so in the dark because I don't have a clue who he even is, yet this is the third or fourth thread I've seen with mention of him. I shall google him.

    Championships for MY teams in my lifetime:
    Cincinnati Reds - 75, 76, 90
    Chicago Blackhawks - 10, 13
    University of Kentucky - 78, 96, 98, 12
    Cincinnati Bengals - None
    Chicago Bulls - 91, 92, 93, 96, 97, 98

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    monroe, OH
    Posts
    437

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    We have a lot of ponds therefore ducks at my work. Everytime I see one I think: "I find that a ducks opinion of me is influenced by wether or not I have bread" He has so many classic lines. Its too bad he's gone.

    Some of my favorites:

    "I had a parrot, the parrot talked, but it did not say I'm hungry. So it died"

    "I went to the store to buy a candle holder, but they were out. So I bought a cake"

    "I like an escalator cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You'll never need an escalator temporarily out of order sign. Only escalator temporarily stairs"

    "I tried to walk into Target, but I missed"

    "Rice is great when you're hungry, and want 2000 of something"

    "I liked refried beens, thats why I wanna try fried beans. Maybe they're just as good and we're wasting time"

  8. #7
    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Tampa, FL
    Posts
    6,065

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    I quote him all the time. Probably everyday. Today I gave a presentation in Orlando and slipped into my Mitch cadence with a story I was telling.

    And when I got back to the office, there were two little girls sitting outside eating ice cream cones and I told them in my best Mitch voice: "I wouldn't share that ice cream with anybody. Sharing is a bad deal. That means there's less for you."

    Very rarely do I get too emotional when famous people die, but this one hit me in the gut when it happened. Nearly all my friends quote him. I have one guy who works for me who plays his CD all day long sometimes. He lives on, but I'd like some new material.

    There is an incredible article about him written for Entertainment Weekly somewhere on the web- it is a brutally honest portrait of the guy.

  9. #8
    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Tampa, FL
    Posts
    6,065

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    For old times sake, here are a few more:

    I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk; she gave me her phone number. It's zero. I tried to call her from here, some other woman answered. I said, "You sound older!" {The way he say's "zero" here is the best part of the joke.}

    They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. But I tried to make it at home; there's more to it than that. "Want some more homemade Sprite?" "Not 'til you figure out what the **** else is in it!"

    I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, and they gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, they gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it"!

    And one of my all-time faves:

    Xylophone is spelled with an X. It should be a Z. Xylophone ZZZ X, I don't see it. Next time you spell Xylophone, spell it with a Z. If someone tells you you're wrong, say "No, I aint." If you think that that's wrong then you need to get your head Z-Rayed. It's like X didn't have enough to do so they had to promise it more. "Okay, you won't start a lot of words, but you will have a co-starring role in Tic-Tac-Toe. And you will be equated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing 'Christmas' easier. And you will accidentally start 'xylophone.' Are you happy now, you #%$@! X?"

  10. #9
    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Tampa, FL
    Posts
    6,065

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    I copied this from his widow's blog- a real story about trying to get a room at a hotel:

    "So I’ll tell you a story that I told Henry Phillips on a long drive - and he liked it.

    On the road.

    One time we were checking into a hotel - I can’t remember where. Anyway, for some reason we didn'’t have a credit card - just an ATM card and some cold hard cash..
    So we ask the front desk if we could get a room - it wasn’t anything special. A Sheraton perhaps. Under $100 a night.
    We only wanted to stay one night. We told the girl at the front desk that we could put down a bunch of cash for the room - we offered to give them like, $500 cash deposit for the room, and we get the balance back the next day. It was late at night. We had money from a gig or selling CDS after the show or something.

    ‘We don’t take cash. Only credit cards’, she says.

    “How about $700 for the night?”

    “We don’t take cash. Credit card only”

    Mitch: “Do you know what a credit card represents? Money. Money is the real version of a credit card. Paying by credit card is a long version of money”

    Her: “We don’t take cash. Only credit cards”

    I could see Mitch getting frustrated.

    “We’ll give you all the cash we have as a deposit for the room, ma’am”

    “We don’t take…..”

    Then Mitch goes:

    “So your saying you don’t want the real thing? Like if it was your birthday, and someone sent you a singing telegram - a Frank Sinatra Impersonator to sing you ‘Happy Birthday. You would get mad if the real Frank Sinatra showed up? You’d refuse to listen to the real Frank Sinatra?”


  11. #10
    Winning the Human Race TheBigLebowski's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Titletown, FL
    Posts
    3,855

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    His death hit me in the gut as well. My fiance and I had tickets to see him in Jacksonville a week before he died. I felt just as bad when Chris Farley died.

    A Hedberg-ism that I recently worked into a real life situation:

    My fiance and I were walking to a game last week. I mumble to myself a lot but, like Mitch, it's usually just a bunch of insignificant crap that I'm saying. Course, it aggravates her because, I'm talking and she does not know what the hell I'm saying. So, she yells at me, "speak up!!"

    Thusly, I proclaimed "That ABC Liquor store sign is dirty!" loud enough for all to hear.
    Founder and Ruling Elite of the Derrick Robinson Fan Club. Limited amount of memberships available.

  12. #11
    throws 106. NBD.
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1,194

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    I bought a doughnut today on my way to work and they gave me a receipt. There was definitely no reason to bring ink and paper into it.

  13. #12
    Raaaaaaaandy guttle11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    4,118

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    I have Mitch All Together and Strategic Grill Locations on my ipod, and I listen to them quite often.

    The guy was just plain funny.
    "I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Thatís the thing about bear attacks. They come when you least expect it."-Dwight K. Schrute

  14. #13
    throws 106. NBD.
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1,194

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    I have both of his albums and have also downloaded some stuff that was taped from one of his shows that had a bunch of stuff that wasn't on the CDs. I will have to give it another listen tonight and report back with some of the jokes.

    Has anyone had the pleasure of seeing him live? My girlfriend and I went and saw him at the Funnybone on the Levee a few years ago. We were going to go to the second to last show of the night but when we got there the line was ridiculously long and wrapped all the way around the top level of the building. Since it was first come, first served seating I talked her in to just waiting until they seated everyone for that show and then jumping in line immediately for his last show. We were first in line and were treated to our choice of seats for the show. We sat at the center table that was directly up against the stage. Mitch came out and you could tell he was wasted but was still incredibly hilarious. A few minutes into the set he looks down at my girl and I and says "Don't worry about sitting in the front seat, I'm not gonna **** with you. A lot of people don't like sitting in the front at a comedy show 'cause they know the comedian is gonna **** with them. That's not my style." He starts telling a few jokes and a few minutes later he stands above our table and just starts looking at us. Then he leans down and sticks the mic in my girlfriends face. She starts laughing uncontrollably and turns bright red. He then turns to me and does the same. At this point I was laughing so hard I couldn't speak. It would have been the perfect time for me to say "Hey Mitch, do you like toast too?" He stands up and says "You guys don't say ****" and walks back to the back of the stage and taps the mic against the brick wall. "This wall talks more than you guys." We are still cracking up as he walks back to the front of the stage, standing over us, and starts to lower the mic down over our table by the cord. He just kinda stands there with the mic about a foot off our table for about 30 seconds or so, then he takes the mic and clinks it on the top of my beer bottle, pulls it up and goes on with the set. It was easily the most I have ever laughed in my entire life.

    Anyway, that's my Mitch story for the day.


  15. #14
    throws 106. NBD.
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1,194

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    I got an ant farm. Them (fellas) didn't grow (stuff). I said, "C'mon, what about some celery? You (fellas) don't farm! Plus if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen!"

    Quite possibly my favorite Mitch Hedberg joke of all-time.

  16. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    714

    Re: Mitch Hedberg and my everyday life...

    When eating peas I often bust out the line, "Do you know where I can store this pea? Yes, I have a few locations available."


Turn Off Ads?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Board Moderators may, at their discretion and judgment, delete and/or edit any messages that violate any of the following guidelines: 1. Explicit references to alleged illegal or unlawful acts. 2. Graphic sexual descriptions. 3. Racial or ethnic slurs. 4. Use of edgy language (including masked profanity). 5. Direct personal attacks, flames, fights, trolling, baiting, name-calling, general nuisance, excessive player criticism or anything along those lines. 6. Posting spam. 7. Each person may have only one user account. It is fine to be critical here - that's what this board is for. But let's not beat a subject or a player to death, please.

Thank you, and most importantly, enjoy yourselves!


RedsZone.com is a privately owned website and is not affiliated with the Cincinnati Reds or Major League Baseball


Contact us: Boss | GIK | BCubb2003 | dabvu2498 | Gallen5862 | LexRedsFan | Plus Plus | RedlegJake | redsfan1995 | The Operator | Tommyjohn25