True Break Up Stories

[Ltlabner]

"Dated" a girl for a while that I wasn't particularlly fond of. One of those deals where in retrospect you can't even explain why you wasted the time on the person.

Her dog died and she called up asking me to come over because it was laying out in the back yard. I zoomed over there and did my best to be Mr. Compassionate Guy. After several hours and listening to her sob like a maniac (I'm a nut about my Dog but she was getting slightly over-dramatic about the thing) and trying to console her we wen't to get something to eat.

On the dive home she told me "she wasn't sure" about where things were going. I think she was fishing for me to go into "Oh, please don't do this, I love you with all my heart, you are my everything" mode.

I simply said, "oh...ok. Well, I guess that's what we'll do then" very deadpan and dropped her off in front of her house.

She called a few weeks later but I told her that I had thought about it, and agreed 100% that I wasn't sure about our "relationship".

[SteelSD]

I've always been of the opinion that everyone has to date a crazy person in order to figure out what the sane people look like. Boy did I find a doozy in college- a girl so crazy that my wife and I still laugh about it over a dozen years later. My apologies in advance for the length of the story, but WOW...

I should have seen the signs before the end, as she would constantly prod to do things like grow a mustache and lift weights (she liked "bodybuilder" types). I ended up paying for everything, even to the point of eventually subsidizing her rent. Then she dropped a nuclear bomb six months into the relationship.

We finished watching a movie I rented one night and I asked her if she wanted to go out with some friends of mine the next night. Her response was that she couldn't because she had a date. Seems that one of her friends introduced her to some construction worker (we'll call him "Bob") at a bar a few nights before. Yeah, while I was sitting at home babysitting her son so she could go out. And "Bob" ended up being the brother of a friend of mine. I was floored, and just got up and walked out with as much dignity as I could muster. If only it would have ended there...

For whatever reason, she wouldn't leave me alone. I just wanted to move on, but she would call and act as if she wanted to get back together while still dating Bob and giving me updates on her relationship. More than once she decided to try to screw up a new relationship I was looking to start with another girl. When I was out trying to enjoy the nightlife on the weekends, she would pop up to tell me how much she missed me. Blah blah freakin-blah. I told her I wasn't interested in talking about things while she was still dating someone else.

Then she finds me while running errands one afternoon and tells me that she's now going to go out with someone else (we'll call him "Steve"). I was like, "Ok. See ya' around." Figuring that Bob was now out of the picture, I spoke with him about a week later while he was out with his brother. Told him that it was good that she moved on to someone else because he could do better. Seems that ticked my ex-girlfriend off something severe because I then found out that she was trying to date both "Bob" and "Steve" at the same time- while also unsuccessfully trying to pick me up at random. Oops.

So Bob drops her like a big blonde rock less than 24 hours later after she spends a Saturday night at his house; telling her about the conversation I had with him. She goes nutty and calls me from Bob's house and tries to get me to recant by telling me that she fell in love with Bob. Yeah. Crazy. And I had enough of it so I lay into her over the phone. I said nothing I regret and the experience was actually quite cathartic.

Oh, we're not done yet, patient reader...

Flash forward to Monday. I get a knock at my door and there stands a very polite officer who proceeds to serve me with a restraining order. Yeah. She got so mad about the "Bob" incident that she made up a story to get back at me. So I get to hire an attorney and go to court. Over nothing. I later find out that this is a pattern of hers. Uber-crazy.

So I go to court. Yay. The judge listens to her story. Then I get to tell mine. The judge asks me if I want anything to do with her. That's an emphatic "DO NOT WANT!!!", your Honor. Then the judges ruling was fantastic. He admonishes my ex for bringing this before his court, states that severing ties with boyfriends is not what the legal system is for and again asks me if I want anything to do with her. Same answer. The judge then says something akin to, "Even though my first thought is that I see no reason to put a restraining order into effect, if the defendant has no objection I'm going to proceed with the stipulation that this will be a mutual restraining order. Young lady, I want you to go nowhere near Mr. ________. He does not want to be involved with you. Should you violate this order, Mr. ________ has the ability to have you arrested." My attorney looked at me. I had absolutely zero objection.

But wait! There's more...

My ex is now even angrier. She's still dating "Steve" a few weeks later and I'm now dating the woman who would become my wife. One random night downtown my ex decides that she is not happy and sics Steve on me. Now, I'm not a fighter. Never have been. Steve is. Always has been. In fact, on the night in question, Steve already has at least one simple assault conviction hanging over his head. But Steve isn't very bright. After trying to get Steve to simply go away, I end up getting shoved over a table. Then something profound happened. I do my best Daniel Rand impersonation and channel every single bit of anger and frustration into my right fist. I get up, and a second later Steve falls limp to the ground. I don't pride myself on striking another human being, but there was no other option. That being said, the irony of her big muscle-bound champion laying in a pile on the floor was not lost to me.

The night ends with Steve in handcuffs and me sitting in the local police station explaining myself with two officers present. The conversation went something like this:

Officer 1: "So why did you strike Steve?"

Me: "I was defending myself. The guy had just shoved me over a table."

Officer 1: "If you were defending yourself, why is Steve the only one bleeding?"

Me: "Because I defended myself well?"

Officer 2: <laughs out loud>

So I grab my jacket after giving my statement and walk out to where my future wife is waiting for me. My ex is sitting there as well, waiting for Steve to be processed. The look on her face was priceless; as if she had just realized that karma had finally caught up with her. As we leave, my wife leans into me and whispers, "She's flippin' crazy, isn't she?" That would be a resounding "Yes".

A year goes by. Steve apologizes. Tells me that she dumped him via...wait for it...restraining order (go figure). After not seeing her for a year, on my birthday the crazy ex has the gall to approach me while I was out with my wife and family. Asks if she can meet my girlfriend. I look down for a second and then tell her that they've already met and that neither she nor I want anything to do with her. That's the last time I saw her. It took some time, but eventually anger turned to pity.

I don't know what became of her. I can only hope that she eventually worked her way far enough down the food chain to find some guy dumb enough to put up with her. Luckily, that guy wasn't me.

[WVRed]

Here's my breakup story. The focus is a little bit around church and school.

About spring of last year, there was this girl who I go to church with who had been constantly hanging around me and I knew had a crush on me.(For all of you single guys out there, if a girl is always showing up somewhere around you and always seems nervous, that is a pretty good indicator.) Anyways, I was pretty reluctant to enter a relationship at the time and she had never dated before for reasons I will enter into later.

We are at school one week and I saw her outside of class. She came up to me and asked if I would have lunch with her, so I agreed. This happened on a Tuesday and that Thursday, I ask her out officially. Needless to say, if you read what I put in parentheses, you know the answer.

A little bit of background information: Where we attend church is very strict and dogmatic, preaching sexual purity to a fault. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with that and its clearly explained in the Bible. However, her parents told her when we first started dating that we were not allowed to touch. I didn't find this out until a month after we had started dating, and we were holding hands by the second date. This was brought up because I had kissed her the week before and she had "convictions" about it.

We dated again for another three weeks after this and she came up to me at school and told me that she was not ready for a relationship and that she wanted to be friends. I was fine with this, but ever since, she has made every effort possible to avoid me. I think the reason why is because of her family life and because her family takes in foster kids(which brings in a lot of money I might add), they were afraid they were losing a babysitter, as cruel as it is for me to say.

The good news is though, I started dating another girl back in May, and we will have been together seven months in November. As far as I know, my ex is still very single.

[Caveat Emperor]

Steel...great story. Crazy, but great.

I know this is about break up stories, but I have to interject just a bizarre "crazy girl" story.

I've been on one of the longer bad streaks with women since the aforementioned ex dumped me after the bar. Nothing has lasted more than a date, most don't even make it to the first date stage.

The worst one happened just recently when I was out and about with my usual group of idiot running mates downtown. We were at one of the newer watering holes and I'd struck up a conversation with a girl who was ordering a drink at the bar. We'd been talking for a while and really hitting it off -- good stuff. We danced a little bit, came back to the bar to order new drinks and talk a bit more.

Well, at the bar, she got bumped into by another person trying to squeeze up to the bar and order a drink. In the process, he had accidentally spilled a bit of this girl's drink on her shirt. I reached for a napkin, but as I did, she turned around to the guy (who was an african american) and launched into this profane tirade, yelling and screaming at him for spilling her drink, etc. He got this wide-eyed look, laughed a bit and apologized, and then walked to a different part of the bar. This girl turned back to me and, loudly enough to draw several shocked looks, dropped both the F-bomb and the N-bomb several times and started lecturing me about how worthless members of different races are.

I backed away pretty much as quickly as I could politely and suggested we go to a different bar.

Some real pieces of work out there...

[westofyou]

When I was 19 years old, I had been dating a 17-year-old for about two weeks, and she suckered me into taking her to the winter formal. I paid for the dinner and the photos and everything since she had no money, and on the way back from the dance she was crying. I asked her what was wrong, but she was crying too much to answer, so she basically made me play charades to figure out that she was dumping me after I had spent over $200 to go to a dance I didn't even want to attend. The joke's on her, though--she now has a kid and doesn't know who the father is, and I'm more than 50% sure it's not mine.

Gee, what a guy....

Classy thread for RZ... glad we all have such high standards on swear words and the such... wouldn't want "kid" to read this stuff would we?

[Ltlabner]

Classy thread for RZ...

Wow, I guess I woln't share the story about how a girl dumped me because I farted in her car and she was sickened by the gas-cloud. I'd hate to bring down the comospolitan atmosphere.

[lo ryder]

Wow, I guess I woln't share the story about how a girl dumped me because I farted in her car and she was sickened by the gas-cloud. I'd hate to bring down the comospolitan atmosphere.

Some are meant to stars, some are born to be hicks. I know which atmosphere I live in, LMAO.