If he were a rapper, he'd be Vanilla Ice. If he were a trashy figure skater, he'd be Tonya Harding. If he were dead, he'd be Anna Nicole Smith. As a major-league baseball manager, he is no better at the moment than Terry Bevington, who at least produced 85 and 80 wins in his two full seasons as a much-ridiculed Sox skipper. Last season, Guillen finished 72-90 with a $100 million-plus payroll and few major injuries. While Cubs counterpart Lou Piniella was a candidate for Manager of the Year, he was the clearcut Underachiever of the Year.

So why pay any attention to him? He's nothing but a megalomaniac driven by how much we talk and write about him, which tends to trivialize the more important mission of inspiring the Sox toward some state of contention in the game's most difficult division. I mean, have you ever sat back and absorbed what comes out of Guillen's mouth? It isn't funny. It's mindless.