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Thread: Humorous Cueto Article

  1. #1
    Tired of talk. Win! Joseph's Avatar
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    Humorous Cueto Article

    Thanks to poster Homer Bailey from the Sun Deck.

    Closing Time: Cueto's WHIP balloons to 0.45
    By Andy Behrens
    How good is Johnny Cueto?

    Scouts agree, he's the best right-handed person ever.

    In fact, baseball insiders believe that Cueto will impact human civilization in much the same way that language, tool use, and agriculture have.

    Physicists are analyzing the Pitch f/x data from his first major league start, looking for new quarks.

    That's how good he is. There's also been speculation that Microsoft reduced its bid for Yahoo! by as much as $5 billion because Cueto wasn't in the player pool before April.

    Seriously, he's that good.

    Tonight he gave up two runs, which will never happen again.

    Dusty Baker had a chance to pinch-hit for him in the seventh with one out and a runner at second. Cueto had thrown 85 pitches and the Reds were losing to Milwaukee, 1-0. Instead, Cueto remained in the game, advanced the runner with a bouncer to short, and Corey Patterson singled to tie the score.

    Then Bill Hall untied it with a solo homer to lead-off the bottom half of the inning. Cueto followed by striking out Corey Hart, but Baker lifted the 22-year-old after 96 pitches.

    Cueto finished with another very good fantasy line: 6.1 IP, 8 K, 2.84 ERA, 0.79 WHIP. He's now pitched 13.1 major league innings, allowing six hits, walking no one, and striking out 18.

    There is widespread agreement that if we harvest Cueto's stem cells, they will cure death.

    Championships for MY teams in my lifetime:
    Cincinnati Reds - 75, 76, 90
    Chicago Blackhawks - 10, 13
    University of Kentucky - 78, 96, 98, 12
    Cincinnati Bengals - None
    Chicago Bulls - 91, 92, 93, 96, 97, 98

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  3. #2
    No half measures, Walter RedEye's Avatar
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    When praise for a young pitching prospect becomes so abundant as to allow for meta-humor, you know you've got a special case on your hands. Thanks, Johnny Almaraz!
    "Iíll kind of have a foot on the back of my own butt. Thatís just how I do things.Ē -- Bryan Price, 10/22/2013

  4. #3
    Hey Cubs Fans RFS62's Avatar
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    I don't understand what's humorous about the article.

    I think they pretty much nailed it.
    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    ~ Mark Twain

  5. #4
    Stat Wanker Hodiernus RedsManRick's Avatar
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.

    BTW, you know how some fans create groups for certain players? I think the Reds need to turn a section in to the Cueto Ghetto -- or is that insensitive?

    *singing to myself, to the tune of "In The Ghetto"*

    As the fans cheer
    On a crisp and clear Cincy night
    A fastball hums and dips and bites
    From the Cueto
    Last edited by RedsManRick; 04-09-2008 at 06:00 PM.
    Games are won on run differential -- scoring more than your opponent. Runs are runs, scored or prevented they all count the same. Worry about scoring more and allowing fewer, not which positions contribute to which side of the equation or how "consistent" you are at your current level of performance.

  6. #5
    nothing more than a fan Always Red's Avatar
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    Quote Originally Posted by RedsManRick View Post
    In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.
    Chris who?

  7. #6
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    This article was the main on on the fantasy sports. Cueto has been featured twice in the past week. I'd say he's the biggest pick up in all leagues. I got him in 1 and Volquez in all 4 of my leagues.
    And This One Belongs to the REDS!!!

  8. #7
    The Boss dougdirt's Avatar
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    Quote Originally Posted by RedsManRick View Post
    In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.

    BTW, you know how some fans create groups for certain players? I think the Reds need to turn a section in to the Cueto Ghetto -- or is that insensitive?

    *singing to myself, to the tune of "In The Ghetto"*

    As the fans cheer
    On a crisp and clear Cincy night
    A fastball hums and dips and bites
    From the Cueto
    Why not just go with Cuetoville?

  9. #8
    Manliness Personified HumnHilghtFreel's Avatar
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    Quote Originally Posted by RedsManRick View Post
    In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.

    BTW, you know how some fans create groups for certain players? I think the Reds need to turn a section in to the Cueto Ghetto -- or is that insensitive?

    *singing to myself, to the tune of "In The Ghetto"*

    As the fans cheer
    On a crisp and clear Cincy night
    A fastball hums and dips and bites
    From the Cueto
    My favorite is The Milledge People from when Lastings was up with the Mets. I might have to brainstorm!

  10. #9
    Titanic Struggles Caveat Emperor's Avatar
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    Re: Humorous Cueto Article

    Quote Originally Posted by HumnHilghtFreel View Post
    My favorite is The Milledge People from when Lastings was up with the Mets. I might have to brainstorm!
    The Johnny-Come-Latelys?
    Championships Matter.
    23 Years and Counting...


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