Out of the woodwork
Here we come....all of us.....including me. Reds fans dealing with a 6-8 record and a four game losing streak.
Who are we? Well, we have multiple personalities:
*It's over fan:
Inists team will never see .500 again...this year, next year, ever!
*It's early fan:
Points out there are still 148 games left, the bats will heat up when the weather does, says to look at the back of their baseball card.
*He's terrible fan:
Describes slumping player as, "terrible", "horrible" or as "worst player on the planet"....caps it off by insisting he, himself, could do better.
*Big trade fan:
Has it all figured out...the Reds need to deal their spare parts and bad contracts, plus draft picks, and some $, in exchange for the best two players on any other team. And then trade one of those players to another team for a player to be named later and the Giants AA CF he read about in Baseball America.
*Told ya fan:
Cites his call on Thursday Dec 17th at 3:47 pointing out the fact the Reds need a RH bat.
*Hitting coach fan:
Says Dunn needs to move up in the box, and angle his front foot 47-degrees out from where he currently stands....and crouch a little.
*Pitching coach fan:
After reviewing his DVR catalog of Todd Coffey's last 10 appearances has spotted a flaw in his deliver and can't believe nobody else has discovered it.
Solves the problems by moving guys like the Skyline scoreboard game. Put Scott Hatteberg at catcher, move Adam Dunn to 1B and give Hopper a shot at 3B.
*Cut and eat fan:
Don't worry about how much they make or who replaces them....just cut guys and eat their contracts.
*Should have never fan:
All previous moves were bad. Should not have traded Josh Hamilton. Points to Sunday as the reason releasing Phil Dumatrait was a mistake. Wishes for Jorge Cantu and Cody Ross. And thinks Victor Santos had something left.
Starts all calls with "I've been a Reds fan for _____ years.
*Look ahead fan:
Already wondering about free class of 2009 and if the Reds can make a run at CC Sabathia.
Insists guys like Tom Shearn deserve more of a shot
*Line-up fan: Believes Reds troubles begin with the batting order and insists moving a guy up or down three spots in batting order will fix the problem. Points to the success of Tony LaRussa and the Cardinals.
Pulls out a stat category 99.4326 % of fans have never heard of like VORP or MLVr to explain the problem.
Wonders why these Reds players can't play the game like those Reds players from Big Red Machine.
*Back-up QB fan:
Yea, I know, wrong spot....but concept is same....play the guys that are sitting and sit the guys that are playing.
*Louisville shuttle fan:
All aboard...next stop Louisville! Take 5 Reds, drop them off, and pick up five new players at AAA. Options? We dont need no stinkin' options.
*Toss a base fan:
Angry that Dusty Baker hasn't gotten as mad as he is.
Wants a bench clearing brawl or hard slide to show this team cares as much as he does.
Starts his call by pointing out the number of years he has managed a little league team.
*Fire manager fan:
Fire Dusty and see if Sparky Andersonwants to come back...if not...hire Billy Bean's AAA manager.
*Fire general manager fan:
Wants to get it over with, just hand the job to Walt Jocketty
*Makes too much fan:
Compares slumping players salary to their own and offers to do players job for half player's salary.
*Cost too much to go fan:
States he'd rather spend his money on minor league baseball than pay to watch the Reds.
*Mike Brown fan:
Blames anything and everything on Mike Brown...including the lack of scouts in the Reds organization.