What kind of fan are you?

[jojo]

This was emailed to me from a friend who found it on the website for Lance McCallister's local radio show. I've long since quit listening to local sports talk radio because I think it causes brain damage. That said, this was well worth sharing IMHO and seems like it might be applicable to an environment like this one.

http://www.thelotd.com/lance/blog

Out of the woodwork:

Here we come....all of us.....including me. Reds fans dealing with a 6-8 record and a four game losing streak.
Who are we? Well, we have multiple personalities:

*It's over fan: Inists team will never see .500 again...this year, next year, ever!

*It's early fan: Points out there are still 148 games left, the bats will heat up when the weather does, says to look at the back of their baseball card.

*He's terrible fan: Describes slumping player as, "terrible", "horrible" or as "worst player on the planet"....caps it off by insisting he, himself, could do better.

*Big trade fan: Has it all figured out...the Reds need to deal their spare parts and bad contracts, plus draft picks, and some $, in exchange for the best two players on any other team. And then trade one of those players to another team for a player to be named later and the Giants AA CF he read about in Baseball America.

*Told ya fan: Cites his call on Thursday Dec 17th at 3:47 pointing out the fact the Reds need a RH bat.

*Hitting coach fan: Says Dunn needs to move up in the box, and angle his front foot 47-degrees out from where he currently stands....and crouch a little.

*Pitching coach fan: After reviewing his DVR catalog of Todd Coffey's last 10 appearances has spotted a flaw in his deliver and can't believe nobody else has discovered it.

*Position fan: Solves the problems by moving guys like the Skyline scoreboard game. Put Scott Hatteberg at catcher, move Adam Dunn to 1B and give Hopper a shot at 3B.

*Cut and eat fan: Don't worry about how much they make or who replaces them....just cut guys and eat their contracts.

*Should have never fan: All previous moves were bad. Should not have traded Josh Hamilton. Points to Sunday as the reason releasing Phil Dumatrait was a mistake. Wishes for Jorge Cantu and Cody Ross. And thinks Victor Santos had something left.

*Longevity Fan: Starts all calls with "I've been a Reds fan for _____ years.

*Look ahead fan: Already wondering about free class of 2009 and if the Reds can make a run at CC Sabathia.

*Journeyman fan: Insists guys like Tom Shearn deserve more of a shot
*Line-up fan: Believes Reds troubles begin with the batting order and insists moving a guy up or down three spots in batting order will fix the problem. Points to the success of Tony LaRussa and the Cardinals.

*SABR guy: Pulls out a stat category 99.4326 % of fans have never heard of like VORP or MLVr to explain the problem.

*BRM fan: Wonders why these Reds players can't play the game like those Reds players from Big Red Machine.

*Back-up QB fan: Yea, I know, wrong spot....but concept is same....play the guys that are sitting and sit the guys that are playing.

*Louisville shuttle fan: All aboard...next stop Louisville! Take 5 Reds, drop them off, and pick up five new players at AAA. Options? We dont need no stinkin' options.

*Toss a base fan: Angry that Dusty Baker hasn't gotten as mad as he is.

*Fight fan: Wants a bench clearing brawl or hard slide to show this team cares as much as he does.

*Manager fan: Starts his call by pointing out the number of years he has managed a little league team.

*Fire manager fan: Fire Dusty and see if Sparky Andersonwants to come back...if not...hire Billy Bean's AAA manager.

*Fire general manager fan: Wants to get it over with, just hand the job to Walt Jocketty

*Makes too much fan: Compares slumping players salary to their own and offers to do players job for half player's salary.

*Cost too much to go fan: States he'd rather spend his money on minor league baseball than pay to watch the Reds.

*Mike Brown fan: Blames anything and everything on Mike Brown...including the lack of scouts in the Reds organization.

Can we find a little of some of these "types" of fans in ourselves at times? Comments? Any other clever or insightful categories?

[Chip R]

Bob Boone fan: Blames anything and everything on Mike Brown...including the lack of scouts in the Reds organization.

I fixed that one for you.

[Falls City Beer]

Sexual.

[HumnHilghtFreel]

Is this guy insinuating that I actually can't hit better than Norris Hopper?!

Worst article ever!!!

[GADawg]

ok so I wouldn't mind having Cody Ross back...btw don't need a good "base throwing" to make me feel better but I did like the quick hook from Lou last night and the disgusted look on his face when he did it.

[LoganBuck]

He forgot

Psychoanalyst fan: Can tell how much heart each player has by looking at them on TV. Thinks that if player makes mistake and doesn't punch himself in the face he doesn't care about the team.

Dirty Shirt Fan: Cares about how dirty the players' uniforms are. Deducts players value from said opinion.

Fitness fan: Guy who thinks that if said player only lost twenty pounds he would play like his hair was on fire.

[Tommyjohn25]

I'm definitely an "it's early fan". I also catch myself getting mad at certain players and calling them "horrible" and "useless", although I never say I could do better.


Unless it's Juan Castro....

[VR]

In a just a few sentences, this person has perfectly profiled RedsZone.

[Spring~Fields]

Frustrated fan, where common goals of excellence are continually blocked, becoming goal blocking, then apathy is soon to follow that fan.

Delusional fan, where the cry is player X, Y, or Z is something, something special, somehow more than what they have shown themselves to be over and over even in the face of comparing players X, Y, or Z to other major league performers who clearly show that player X, Y, or Z is nothing special and delusional fan will fight to the death to hang on to that bias and confirmation bias support for players X, Y, or Z.

Hm, makes me think of Freel, Hopper, Castro, Hatteberg, Ross, Valetin, Encarcion, Patterson and yes even the volatile and frequented conversation piece and lightning rod Adam Dunn.

[JinAZ]

*SABR guy: Pulls out a stat category 99.4326 % of fans have never heard of like VORP or MLVr to explain the problem.

That's me...though I'm such an elitist that I avoid Baseball Prospectus stats like the plague at this point!
-j

[top6]

*SABR guy: Pulls out a stat category 99.4326 % of fans have never heard of like VORP or MLVr to explain the problem.

This is funny. I just love how someone who has the enviable job of talking about sports for a living chooses to make fun of stats instead of trying to explain them, even though they are actually sort of easy to understand for anyone with a high school education. This is probably why I never hear or care about anything Lance says except when it is posted on the internet tubes or on, as Chris Welsh said last night, a "blogspot" or an "internet station."

That said, I am a "Mike Brown" and "told you so" fan.

[Rojo]

This is funny. I just love how someone who has the enviable job of talking about sports for a living chooses to make fun of stats instead of trying to explain them, even though they are actually sort of easy to understand for anyone with a high school education. This is probably why I never hear or care about anything Lance says except when it is posted on the internet tubes or on, as Chris Welsh said last night, a "blogspot" or an "internet station."

That said, I am a "Mike Brown" and "told you so" fan.

Ya' know, he did make fun of lot of people.

[bucksfan]

I'm certainly an "It's early" fan. Maybe a pinch of some of the others, but no major overreactions or anger here - following baseball is a fun thing for me.

[jojo]

That's me...though I'm such an elitist that I avoid Baseball Prospectus stats like the plague at this point!
-j

As you should in a great many cases....

[vaticanplum]

I don't think I'm any of these. Must be either bipolar or lackadaisical.