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Thread: Married Guys...How did you propose?

  1. #16
    Member SteelSD's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by Grounds_Crew View Post
    My g/f Michelle and I have now been dating for 2.5 years. The past month or so we've been having problems and we have taken a break. I'm hoping that things work out because this girl is the one I want to marry. In fact, we've talked several times in the past about getting married, but I never pulled the trigger. So, if things end up working out in the coming days/weeks, then I'll look back at this tough time that we are going through and use it as a learning experience. It has given me the kick in the butt that I needed, which means I now know that I can't take this girl for granted...ever.

    With that said, if things do work out, then I'm going to take the next step and ask her to marry me. So, I'm curious to hear about any creative ideas that you may have come up with for your proposal.
    Here's my creative idea for proposing in your particular situation:

    Don't do it.

    At least not right now. Not knowing the circumstances of your "break", I can't comment as to the actual effect a proposal would have at this point, but a "break" is almost NEVER the guy's idea so I'll let probability be my guide. You've been together for 2.5 years with this girl and the "break" was likely predicated by something she can't get or get past, as your "kick in the butt" comment implied. That's not a good sign of a successful marriage, regardless of how often you two may have spoken about marriage. There are no "breaks" in marriage.

    And frankly, 2.5 years ain't a whole lot of time for two potential life partners to get to know each other. My own brother and his GF of three years took a "break" when he was in college and after the "back-together", they took another 2 years to figure out that they weren't ever going to be apart. The message here is "Don't jump the gun". If she's into you for all time, she'll be into you whether or not you're married to her. That doesn't mean she'll wait forever for a proposal, but if she won't wait at all then that's more about the wedding than it is the relationship and that's simply a doomsday clock a' ticking.

    Two people should end up in wedlock only because that's the obvious next step and it needs to be obvious to both parties. SunDeck's response was very telling in that both he and his wife obviously felt already "married", so it was obvious that they should get married. It doesn't appear to be quite so obvious for you two right now and it also appears, via "break", that you guys have some things to work through before "obvious" happens. So take the time to work through them before potentially setting yourself up for disaster down the road.
    "The problem with strikeouts isn't that they hurt your team, it's that they hurt your feelings..." --Rob Neyer

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  3. #17
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by SteelSD View Post
    Here's my creative idea for proposing in your particular situation:

    Don't do it.

    At least not right now. Not knowing the circumstances of your "break", I can't comment as to the actual effect a proposal would have at this point, but a "break" is almost NEVER the guy's idea so I'll let probability be my guide. You've been together for 2.5 years with this girl and the "break" was likely predicated by something she can't get or get past, as your "kick in the butt" comment implied. That's not a good sign of a successful marriage, regardless of how often you two may have spoken about marriage. There are no "breaks" in marriage.

    And frankly, 2.5 years ain't a whole lot of time for two potential life partners to get to know each other. My own brother and his GF of three years took a "break" when he was in college and after the "back-together", they took another 2 years to figure out that they weren't ever going to be apart. The message here is "Don't jump the gun". If she's into you for all time, she'll be into you whether or not you're married to her. That doesn't mean she'll wait forever for a proposal, but if she won't wait at all then that's more about the wedding than it is the relationship and that's simply a doomsday clock a' ticking.

    Two people should end up in wedlock only because that's the obvious next step and it needs to be obvious to both parties. SunDeck's response was very telling in that both he and his wife obviously felt already "married", so it was obvious that they should get married. It doesn't appear to be quite so obvious for you two right now and it also appears, via "break", that you guys have some things to work through before "obvious" happens. So take the time to work through them before potentially setting yourself up for disaster down the road.
    Very, very well spoken. Thank you. Just to set my message straight, I wouldn't intend on a proposal immediately after getting "back together". I'm not even sure THAT is going to happen yet, but I sure hope so. I guess what I meant to say is that this tough time has proven to me that she is the girl that I don't want to live without. If she tells me that we can work things out then I'll eventually spend the rest of my life dedicated to making her happy and keeping a smile on her face. If she tells me that it is time to move on, well...I might just end up spending the rest of my life missing her. True story!
    "Rounding Third and Heading for Home"

  4. #18
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by Grounds_Crew View Post
    Very, very well spoken. Thank you. Just to set my message straight, I wouldn't intend on a proposal immediately after getting "back together". I'm not even sure THAT is going to happen yet, but I sure hope so. I guess what I meant to say is that this tough time has proven to me that she is the girl that I don't want to live without. If she tells me that we can work things out then I'll eventually spend the rest of my life dedicated to making her happy and keeping a smile on her face. If she tells me that it is time to move on, well...I might just end up spending the rest of my life missing her. True story!
    I missed your prior post before posting my response, so please allow me to highlight something you noted:

    She also gave me the, "I love you but I'm not sure if I'm in love with you anymore".
    To me, one of the basic tenants of marriage is mutual respect. That is, IMHO, the simple truth of "in love" because "in love" has to carry itself through an entire lifetime of experiences (even the hard times). Someone who says, "I love you but I'm not sure if I'm in love with you anymore" is actually saying, "When we met, I respected you as an equal and as a potential provider, but I'm not sure that's still true..." I've heard that cliche myself in the long-ago-time and it's pretty near a relationship death sentence, even if you get back together excepting two things:

    1. You've actually willingly changed to meet your potential.
    2. You've decided to be completely subservient to your partner's needs.

    I'm not a professional marriage counselor, nor did I recently stay at a Holiday Inn Express, but right now I'm sensing that #2 would be fine for you while you attempt to accomplish #1. Unfortunately, #2 tends to become a habit for the kind of girl you're describing while #1 can only be attained by someone who puts themself first via ego, drive, and ambition.

    And here's the simple truth based on what you've posted:

    The girl you're referencing does not respect you to the same extreme that you want her, at it doesn't appear that it's even close. The girl you're thinking about marrying will not accept you as you are. It's your choice to change either for your own good or for her acceptance. The former is good. The latter is not, because if you change due to only her needs, that will only reinforce that she can control you. It might keep her happy for a short time, but it will not pave the way for an honest and respectful partnership. In the end, it will bring you even more heartache and, eventually, financial loss.

    The question I have to ask of you is this:

    Do you want to go through life always catering to someone else's needs or do you want to find an equal with whom you can experience all there is to discover?

    Maybe...just maybe...that can put your current "break" into perspective.
    Last edited by SteelSD; 06-08-2008 at 11:38 PM.
    "The problem with strikeouts isn't that they hurt your team, it's that they hurt your feelings..." --Rob Neyer

    "The single most important thing for a hitter is to get a good pitch to hit. A good hitter can hit a pitch thatís over the plate three times better than a great hitter with a ball in a tough spot.Ē
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  5. #19
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by KittyDuran View Post
    I'll chime in even though I've never been proposed to... what's the problem??? - just ask!

    Let me tell you about how my Dad "proposed" to my Mom. BTW, my parents will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary in August.

    Anyhoo... My Mom would never tell me and my siblings how Dad proposed to her saying that somethings need to remain a secret. I finally asked my Dad about 15 years ago. And this is his story... he was in the Navy stationed in Michigan but home on leave (his parents at the time lived in Hamilton). He goes to a "dude ranch" outside of town and meets my Mom who is with other friends. By the end of the night my Mom has had a few drinks and is somewhat tipsy. So my Dad jokingly says "Can I carry you?" - but my Mom in her state thinks my Dad says "Can I marry you?" Which, of course, she says yes. Dad doesn't realize this until later when she calls him up to remind him (maybe she wasn't so tipsy after all). Dad must have been somewhat smitten and tells my Mom that he needs to go back to Michigan not only to get back to the base but to say good-bye to his live in girlfriend... Remember, this is 1948! They dated when he was on leave for about 4 months and were married in August of that year.

    Moral... ya just never know!
    Great story and picture,Kitty! The lady to the left of the man (I assume your dad) doesn't look too happy about things.

    BTW, My proposal was nothing fancy. We had been dating only a month or so. We were both lonely and ready to settle down. So one night on the couch we were talking about things and I said "well let's just get married." She said yes and a few months later we walked down the aisle.
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  6. #20
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    My grand plan was to propose on her birthday, and get married a year later on her birthday. Only 1 date for me to have to remember. I like to keep life simple that way.

    I never told anyone. Not a soul other than the guy who was making the ring.

    At a wedding a few weeks before the intended proposal, 3 of her friends came up to me independantly of each other and asked if it was true that I was going to propose on her birthday. I told them I had no idea what they were talking about.

    It was clear that I needed a plan B. If for no other reason than just because.

    Her birthday rolled around, and she was all set for a proposal. We were just out of school, didn't have much $, and a friend was in from out of town earlier in the week for work. So we got pizza for dinner, then went to a $1 movie. Sense & Sensibility. Lots of marriage proposals in that movie. Got back to her apartment around midnight, and she was clearly down that I hadn't proposed. Pulled out some leftover cake from earlier in the week. Then at 12:10 am on the morning after her birthday, I got down on one knee and proposed.

    She teared up, said "yes", and then proceeded to call me a string of names that were mostly derivations of 4 letter words.

    We're into our second decade of wedded bliss.

  7. #21
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by SunDeck View Post
    We'd been shacked up for two years. We wanted all the gifts, so we just decided to make it legal.

    It was very romantic.
    7 For me.. 5 years of dating prior to that, I said, So we're going to Vegas for a concert eh? We should just get married.

    And we did.

    And THAT'S why we can sleep together when we are in Ohio.

  8. #22
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    There's no one right answer. It depends on whether there's any element of surprise, whether she prefers the big public display or a private moment, etc. You just have to know your audience here.

    In my case, the proposal was purely anti-climactic, as we'd gradually and comfortably slipped into using "when" rather than "if" when talking about marriage. Rather than try and pull off a surprise moment when there was absolutely no chance of her being surprised, I just asked her to go ring shopping with me, which she enjoyed more than she would have enjoyed having me pull out a ring in some fancy restaurant.
    Not all who wander are lost

  9. #23
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Hmmm...not a bad idea. I wonder if asking her to go ring shopping just to "look around" would be a good thing. It would let her know that I am serious about our future together. Which...the lack of my seriousness is what has gotten us into this break. Anyway...that might work out well and it would give me the opportunity to see what she really likes. After that, I could then begin a creative approach in a surpise fashion.

    However...things have to get worked out first...obviously. I'm hoping for the best.
    "Rounding Third and Heading for Home"

  10. #24
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    I entered a recording studio with a song I had written for her. I popped the CD in right after a nice meal, and after the song she turned to hug me and found me on one knee holding out a ring.
    Witty signature.

  11. #25
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by Grounds_Crew View Post
    Hmmm...not a bad idea. I wonder if asking her to go ring shopping just to "look around" would be a good thing.
    I've heard that you just need to go to the mall and let her catch you looking at the jewelry-store display cases. Her subsequent reaction and attitude will tell you what you need to know. Can't say I've tested the theory.
    Not all who wander are lost

  12. #26
    The Lineups stink. KronoRed's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Me: So who do you think we should invite to our wedding?
    Her: We're getting married?
    Me: Yeah, I mean if you want too.
    Her: Sounds good.
    Me: Cool

    Go Gators!

  13. #27
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    On a hill overlooking Florence, Italy. I got lucky that the time I wanted to propose was also right after we both graduated college. I proposed after 7 years of dating and no breakups. Be really wary of that.
    This is the time. The real Reds organization is back.

  14. #28
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Hate to say this, but usually the "I love you but not sure if I'm in love with you" is often times a nice way to break up with someone that they care for, but just don't want to be with.

    If you guys get back together, make sure its not because she feels sorry for you or anything like that. Make it mutual.

    After that, when you've decided you want to marry her, I'd just explain to her your feelings without coming out and proposing. If she seems to be on the same page as you, then plan your proposal.

    In our hometown, there is a HUGE display of Christmas decorations, lights, etc. She had been complaining for weeks about wanting to go see them. We decided on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. I waited until she had unwrapped all of hers, and then I brought out the good one.

  15. #29
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamSelig View Post
    In our hometown, there is a HUGE display of Christmas decorations, lights, etc. She had been complaining for weeks about wanting to go see them. We decided on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. I waited until she had unwrapped all of hers, and then I brought out the good one.
    And you proposed shortly after?
    "I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Thatís the thing about bear attacks. They come when you least expect it."-Dwight K. Schrute

  16. #30
    Waiting for a tour/album KittyDuran's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Hate to say this, but usually the "I love you but not sure if I'm in love with you" is often times a nice way to break up with someone that they care for, but just don't want to be with.
    Well, I was going to mention that as well - but it was such a downer. I'm trying to remember a Jeff Foxworthy stand-up where he talks about "break-up" lines from women...and what they really mean.
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