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Thread: Married Guys...How did you propose?

  1. #31
    CELEBRATION TIME RBA's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Here's an idea:

    Buy a Big Mac Meal and tell her: Half of this can be yours if you say yes.

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  3. #32
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamSelig View Post
    Hate to say this, but usually the "I love you but not sure if I'm in love with you" is often times a nice way to break up with someone that they care for, but just don't want to be with.

    .
    I think you're right. I've had someone say that to me before. After another 6 months of on-again off-again business, I recognized it for what it was, a hedge. She wanted a break to test the waters to see if there was someone out there who might have been a better option. She "loved" me, but not enough to look past the things that bugged her, so she wanted a chance to look around. But then she was also afraid of being alone, so she didn't want to say it was an outright break-up. I think the only way you get back on equal footing in that sense is if you take it for what it is, a break up, and start seeking other options. If she comes back and you find you want to get together, at least she'll know you weren't spending your time pining for her like a lost puppy.

    Maybe I'm wrong. Everyone's situation is different. However, the willingness to use the cliche "I love you but I'm not in love with you" should be a big red stop sign that makes you think. You have to ask yourself if this is someone who loves you for who you are and can look past your shortcomings, or is this someone who is always going to be wishing you were something you aren't?
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  4. #33
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    I proposed while driving.
    And she was shooing a fly out the window.
    We knew each other for 3 months.

  5. #34
    Joe Oliver love-child Blimpie's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    I have been married for nearly 14 years (we dated for about two years prior to marriage)....

    I proposed the weekend before Christmas while we were in Louisville staying at the Seelbach Hotel. We were in town to see "A Christmas Carol" at the Actor's Theatre.

    Our family has now grown to five and has made attending the play at Christmas time an annual tradition ever since.
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  6. #35
    2009: Fail Ltlabner's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    She want's to test the waters, isn't sure about the relationship and "is in love/but not in love".

    You are thinking about buying a wedding ring.

    That's about as two seperate pages as people can possibly be on in terms of relationships. Serriously, say those words out loud and listen to yourself.

    If you are thinking of dangling the wedding rock in front of her to entice her back you might as well start sending money to a divorce laywer and therepist right now. Obviously I'm playing Dr. Phil based on your two posts, but it comes across to me that she's not happy and wants to look elsewhere and you're suddenly thinking marriage as a way to prevent her from doing same.

    Sorry to be so harsh, but this girl has already moved on. Likely, you should do the same.
    Last edited by Ltlabner; 06-10-2008 at 04:33 PM.
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  7. #36
    Flash the leather! _Sir_Charles_'s Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    I proposed on the fourth of july by the lake-side just as the fireworks finale was finishing up. Afterwards, I got a standing ovation from the other lake-side viewers. When we got back to the car I had the CD player set up to play our song as the first song she heard. All in all kinda corney...but it worked and it remained memorable. We ended up getting married the following year on the 3rd of July (15 years ago...shortly). There's a tip there for you aspiring hubby's...plan a date that's EASY to remember. :O)
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  8. #37
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ltlabner View Post
    She want's to test the waters, isn't sure about the relationship and "is in love/but not in love".

    You are thinking about buying a wedding ring.

    That's about as two seperate pages as people can possibly be on in terms of relationships. Serriously, say those words out loud and listen to yourself.

    If you are thinking of dangling the wedding rock in front of her to entice her back you might as well start sending money to a divorce laywer and therepist right now. Obviously I'm playing Dr. Phil based on your two posts, but it comes across to me that she's not happy and wants to look elsewhere and you're suddenly thinking marriage as a way to prevent her from doing same.

    Sorry to be so harsh, but this girl has already moved on. Likely, you should do the same.
    I don't know, just by going from his posts, I wouldn't be so quick to throw in the towel. I obviously don't know the whole situation but it doesn't seem like she is "testing the waters" during this break. They've been dating for quite some time and often times long term dating relationships have a tendency to get stale and lose that spark and it just takes a small time away from each other to regain that spark. Obviously, there are many issues that would need to be worked out before you two would think about marriage, but I wouldn't lose all hope yet..
    "In our sundown perambulations of late, through the outer parts of Brooklyn, we have observed several parties of youngsters playing 'base', a certain game of ball. Let us go forth awhile, and get better air in our lungs. Let us leave our close rooms, the game of ball is glorious"
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  9. #38
    2009: Fail Ltlabner's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by Reds Freak View Post
    I don't know, just by going from his posts, I wouldn't be so quick to throw in the towel. I obviously don't know the whole situation but it doesn't seem like she is "testing the waters" during this break. They've been dating for quite some time and often times long term dating relationships have a tendency to get stale and lose that spark and it just takes a small time away from each other to regain that spark. Obviously, there are many issues that would need to be worked out before you two would think about marriage, but I wouldn't lose all hope yet..
    Of corse we are operating on very limited information (as I mentioned previously) and my advice is exactly what you paid for it.

    That said, I've been in the OP's shoes. Many of the guys reading this thread have too. There's a lot of common themes that likely have many guys shaking their heads up and down...and thinking "yep....been there".

    "I love you, but am not in love with you" is relationship kryptonte. That's a soft way of saying, "I realized that a relationship with you isn't going any further". No amount of puppy-dog phone calls is going to change that and in many cases just turns the woman off even more.

    "I want to take a break" is often, but not always, code for "I really want to see who else is out there because an upgrade would be nice". Again, sorry to be harsh, but why else would she "need a break" ? If she can't possibly process all of her thoughts and emotions while simlutaniously contiuning to see somebody what on earth is she going to do when she's actually married? Is she going to need "a break" when the adjustment to living together takes place" Is she going to need "a break" when kids come along and the relationship changes? What about if there's a medical issue or other stresses?

    Keep in mind the OP said they've dated for 2.5 years and had problems "the past month". So suddenly in the space of a few weeks she's gone from dating and occasionally talking about marriage to "don't call me". That's a pretty drastic change. Either there was big time problems all along and she realized it OR another, more interesting option has come along that she'd like to explore.

    Another issue to consider: the gf broke things off to push things towards marriage? Wow. That's pretty damn manipulative stuff. That's relationship time bomb with a capital divorce. Obviously we're not privy to all the details so that one is a shot in the dark, but based on some of the comments the OP made, it might be a possiblity. If that's what really going on here, the OP should run and never look back. It gets back to what SteelSD was talking about with mutal respect. Maybe not at all what's happening but it's not out of the relms of possiblity.

    Relationships are complex things and everybody is different. That said, a lot of the themes are consistant from relationship to relationship. Instead of being distraut and trying to contrive ways to talk to the ex-gf (been there) his energy would be better spent moving on and seeing what else is out there.

    There's a great big wide world out there and while the loss of one relationship can *seem* like the end of the world, if we wallow too long we might miss the next chapter in our lives. Sit back, regroup, explore what lessons you should learn from this relationship and move forward. If this relationship is "meant to be" it will happen. No amount of manipulation and tinkering is going to force something to work when it's simply "not meant to be".
    a super volcano of ridonkulous suckitude.

    I simply don't have access to a "cares about RBI" place in my psyche. There is a "mildly curious about OBI%" alcove just before the acid filled lake guarded by robot snipers with lasers which leads to the "cares about RBI" antechamber though. - Nate

  10. #39
    Stat Wanker Hodiernus RedsManRick's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    If I can offer my perspective...

    In college I was the guy a girl dated while on break with her long time beau. She just wasn't sure he was the guy she wanted to marry. There were some things she wasn't sure were deal breakers and simply wasn't ready to commit beyond what they had. They talked/emailed just a few times over a 4 month period. This is from two people who talked an hour or more in person and exchanged multiple emails/texts every day, long distance, for 3 years. But the spark was gone and she was tired. And I was somebody new and exciting (says her...).

    In reality, she had lost perspective. She had grown to focus on the problems in their relationship, taking the rest for granted. Throughout our brief relationship, she was frequently distracted with thinking of him, though she wouldn't admit it. She was coming to the realization that no relationship would be perfect, that no angel would come down and tell her he was the one. And he was the one person who could not help her see that, despite his efforts. She needed to learn it on her own. Meanwhile, he was going through the same process. He was dating other women too.

    We officially dated for about 2 months. I broke it off when I realized her heart was still with him. They summer after college, they got back together as friends at first. They fell back in love. The next summer they got engaged. They've been married over two years now.

    That's not to say your girl will come back to you. But you should let her go. You cannot convince her to stay. And likewise, you have to explore the idea of moving on. You have to rediscover you without her. That's the you she fell in love with after all. And if after exploring, she wants to come back. And if after exploring, you want to come back, then good for you both.

    But don't start with the wedding ring talk. That's putting the cart way in front of the horse. If you get back together, give yourselves time to enjoy each other again away from the pressure of a lifetime commitment. If that's in the cards, things could move in that direction quickly. But you can't make it happen.
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  11. #40
    Charlie Brown All-Star IslandRed's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ltlabner View Post
    Of corse we are operating on very limited information (as I mentioned previously) and my advice is exactly what you paid for it.

    That said, I've been in the OP's shoes. Many of the guys reading this thread have too. There's a lot of common themes that likely have many guys shaking their heads up and down...and thinking "yep....been there".

    "I love you, but am not in love with you" is relationship kryptonite. That's a soft way of saying, "I realized that a relationship with you isn't going any further".
    Agreed. Yet, there are multiple possible reasonings here as to WHY it's not going further. One possibility is that she's realized she wouldn't want to marry him. The other is, she doesn't think he'll ever want to marry her, and she's attempting to disengage before that wound gets any larger. Since Grounds_Crew mentioned a "lack of seriousness" as a factor, the latter scenario is entirely possible here.

    I wouldn't lead with the ring if I was GC but at least alluding to the possibility might flush out her real feelings on the matter.
    Not all who wander are lost

  12. #41
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    There are some pretty insightful posts in this thread. With that said, here is my take...

    I went through something almost identical to your situation GC. Only difference was we had dated longer (4 years to be exact). Things had been pretty rocky for a while, but there were a variety of variables that I think allowed us to stay together for that time.

    One day, I got the dreaded, "Let's take a break" statement. I wasn't psyched about it, but obviously it wasn't my call and all I could do was hope for the best. I decided not to contact her during the break at all. Well, at least that was the plan. About 6 weeks had passed and I had heard nothing, which was surprising to me given our past. I got word that she had moved on and was with someone else. I then decided to make contact and confront her about it. She was with someone and lied about it, but that's a whole different story.

    Obviously, there are lots of facts GC about your relationship that only you and her know. From the sounds of it, I think the girl has moved on. I know that may be a tough reality to face, but you need to at least consider it as a realistic, but unfortunate possibility. Where I empathize with you is the fact that before I knew for sure the girl had moved on, I refused to acknowledge or believe it. I was thinking up scenarios to try to combat everything that were only favorable to the results I had hoped for. Ultimately, it was all unrealistic. And I was willing to sacrifice whatever needed to try to keep things going. That's not something I would ever do again, but it's in the past now.

    As for advice, I assume you have friends that are girls. Talk to them about your situation. I found a lot of the stuff that my friends told me was pretty dead on (later). Secondly, try to detatch yourself from the relationship, even if it's just a little. There's no real harm from doing it. If it doesn't work out, it'll make things easier. If it does work out, you haven't lost anything. Third, let some time pass. That's the hardest thing to do, but time will do the talking. Lastly, don't do anything you'll regret later. I think that's important.

    Best of luck. It sounds like a bad situation, if I can be perfectly honest. Just be open-minded and don't expect too much.

  13. #42
    Vampire Weekend @Bernie's camisadelgolf's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    If marrying her is so important, just get her pregnant.

  14. #43
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by RBA View Post
    Here's an idea:

    Buy a Big Mac Meal and tell her: Half of this can be yours if you say yes.
    Boo-ya.

  15. #44
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Quote Originally Posted by RBA View Post
    Here's an idea:

    Buy a Big Mac Meal and tell her: Half of this can be yours if you say yes.
    "And yes, baby...fries DO come with that shake."
    We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

  16. #45
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Married Guys...How did you propose?

    Some thoughts...

    - In every relationship but one, when we've hit the "let's take a break" fork in the road, she has gone her way and I've gone mine.

    - I know it seems tragic at the time, but time heals all wounds and it's really best to move on rather than flog a terminally-ill horse with black flies buzzing around it. If it's so hard to make the relationship work, then that is a very telling statement.

    - I used to think I needed to make every relationship work. But I found that the best ones just work organically and sail along. If it doesn't do that, its time to re-think things. As Woodie Allen said in Annie Hall, "relationships are like sharks, they have to move forward to live, what we have here is a dead shark".

    - BTW, the "but one" exception is now an ex-wife. Think about it.

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