Okay...deep breath.

Let me start by saying this. I'm not usually the kind to complain, or even seek reinforcement from anyone because I don't like to bother people with my problems. I hate drama, and I hate whining, but for the first time in my life my will is being tested, and I have to say, I'm not a big fan. I figured I'd come here since I consider most of you my friends, even though I've never met a single one of you. Also, there seem to be some wise cats here.

So, let me get you all up to speed. I moved to North Carolina this past February, I came here because my Dad bought a franchise here (Servpro Home Restoration) and we had high hopes for it, sky high actually. When I came here, I had to make several sacrifices. First and foremost, my girlfriend of almost 7 years, my rock, the absolute LIGHT of my life, had to stay behind for the time being. She is a chiropractor with her own practice, also she is still living in "our" house, so the decision was made between the two of us for her to stay in Ohio so we could make sure the business was going to be sucessful. That way, if it doesn't work out, we still have our house and she still has her client base. It really is the smart way to do it. The plan was to establish stability, and then she would move down here with me. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work, I move home and get my old job back. Not much to lose on my end it seemed. Also on the list of sacrifices I made. I had a spectacular group of friends in Ohio...great, great people. My dog is still with my girl, not to mention I LOVED our house. It is special to me, since it's ours.

So...seems I was prepared right? I knew all the sacrifices I would be making before I left, right? Wrong. True, I knew of them. But I thought I was a stronger person than I would soon discover I was. Things started off well enough, at least as well as could be expected. The day I left Denise was without a doubt, the single hardest day and moment of my entire life, but by the time I arrived in NC I was optimistic as I could be. Ready to get the business going and my motivation (besides money of course) was to get my lady down here with me.

Since then however, the business has struggled, mightily. It's gotten so bad that my Dad has begun to dip into his retirement just to pay the bills. I cannot even begin to accurately describe how bad it has been. Keeping that in mind, my own personal outlook has suffered. I don't know if it's because of the lack of sucess, being home sick, or a combination of both, but something inside me has definitely changed, and I hate it. Before the last month and a half or so, I was one of the most positive people you would ever meet. I was always happy, always laughing, and always loving everything about life. Now, I feel empty, sad, and VERY lonely.

I can't point to an exact moment when I lost control of my emotions, but at this point, I feel as though I'm getting worse and worse every day, and I can't make it stop. To save money, myself, my Dad, and my brother all live in the same house. I now spend all my non-working hours in my bedroom which is the size of a jail cell, staring at the tv. I have learned that it's not so easy to make new friends when you're 29 years old, and spoken for. Honestly, I have gotten into such a rut, that I have no interest in making new friends down here.

We now have the franchise up for sale, you would think I'd be disappointed, but at this point, I'm just ready to fall on my knees and cry "mercy". The bad thing is, with the economy in such a lull, it may take a year to sell it. I could just leave, but I can't bring myself to bail on my Dad, since he did this whole thing for me and my two older brothers. So here I sit, spinning my wheels away from those I love and getting nowhere. I really DO want the franchise to work, as it would benefit me and my girl for the better, however, it's not going to. I could type the reasons why but I would probably develop acute carpal tunnel if I did. The bottom line is, there is no light at the end of this abysmal tunnel, and I feel as if I have zero control over the situation. It feels like I have an internal war going on. The "happy" me I've known for 29 years is fighting for it's life, but the negativity is fighting back, and it feels like an army of millions. This is truly uncharted territory for me.

So, for now, I guess I'll just pray that we get a buyer for the franchise so I can go back home. Back to where I belong. My old job was mediocre at best there, but I know now that my quality of life was that of a billionaire. Until that day comes, I guess I can just pray that I go numb....