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Thread: relationship question

  1. #1
    Battle Toad Historian thatcoolguy_22's Avatar
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    relationship question

    I'm in the air force and recently returned home from Iraq. I have been dating the same girl for about 10 months (give or take). Anyways long story short I just found out that she is 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. Yay! not quite... Only 1 week after I found out she was pregnant I am told that she was cheating on my while I was deployed and made plans to leave me for this guy that since my return, has literally moved to alaska (he got out of the air force and moved back home about a 2 weeks before I got back from the desert). Now I am in bit of a fix. I am going to be stationed in Korea for 1 year beginning this Dec and, she is due in the beginning of March. She claims that the whole fiasco with the other guy was a mistake and yada yada... I still love her but the trust from my side is minimal at this point. Also I do not want to only be able to see my *son* on holidays and for the summers because I refused to try and forgive her.

    What are your guy's opinions?

    Thanks
    "Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load **** into a truck."

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  3. #2
    Oy Vey! Red in Chicago's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    you will never be able to trust her again, so it's best for you to just move on

  4. #3
    First Time Caller SunDeck's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    Quote Originally Posted by Red in Chicago View Post
    you will never be able to trust her again, so it's best for you to just move on
    I would agree except for the complicating factor of the kid. Assuming the child is yours, do you want to try to work things out with her in order to be in his or her life? And just wondering also, can a child be tested prenatally to determine paternity?

    Anyway, it's pretty hard for any of us to tell you what to do, however I can recommend the old adage, "Trust, but verify." I guess if you decide not to start the relationship back up with her you can just make it clear that you are going to do whatever is necessary to make sure this child has a good relationship with their father. That could mean not resuming the relationship, if the two of you can't come to an understanding. Worse things have happened in the world; you'll be a good dad either way, I am sure.
    Next Reds manager, second shooter. --Confirmed on Redszone.

  5. #4
    C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WVRed's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    Only question I have would be is the child yours for sure?

    If not, you may not have near as much to worry about.
    Quote Originally Posted by savafan View Post
    I've read books about sparkling vampires who walk around in the daylight that were written better than a John Fay article.

  6. #5
    Battle Toad Historian thatcoolguy_22's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    Quote Originally Posted by WVRed View Post
    Only question I have would be is the child yours for sure?

    If not, you may not have near as much to worry about.
    Yes

    The doc said conception was may 26 and we were together on vacation from may 21 until 5 jun...
    "Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load **** into a truck."

  7. #6
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    Re: relationship question

    I'm sure most people would say run as fast as you can but I think you owe it to your child and yourself, if you truly love this girl, to try to forgive and give her another chance. Often times when there is unfaithfulness in a relationship, there is an issue(s) in the relationship that has been ignored for a while that causes one partner to act out frustrations in the form of an affair. I think it's important to try to get to the bottom of that issue because beneath the pain and hurt it sounds like there still is love there. If I were you I would let your girl know that you still love her and you are there for the child but you need some time apart to figure out things for yourself and get over the pain of the affair. This will allow you to heal and allow her to miss you and think about life without you as a single mother. If your relationship is a viable one it will spring back together like a rubber band and you can then begin to work on the problems that were in your relationship and grow from them. It would take a lot of work, patience, and understanding but it can be done. You might consider getting professional help together as well as this is a very sticky situation. Just my .02.

    Thanks for serving our country by the way...
    "In our sundown perambulations of late, through the outer parts of Brooklyn, we have observed several parties of youngsters playing 'base', a certain game of ball. Let us go forth awhile, and get better air in our lungs. Let us leave our close rooms, the game of ball is glorious"
    -Walt Whitman

  8. #7
    1st pick 2022 B.B. draft George Foster's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    This is my 2 cents worth.

    If you are sure the child is yours, you owe it to your child, who deserves a full time father, to give the relationship another chance. This is not just about "you" now.

    If you don't marry her, it will be hard for you to get any parental rights other than the "once-in-a-while" visit, and you still will be paying child support.

    If you love her and she is sorry, give her a chance and you kid a father....marry her. That commitment from you might be all she wanted in the first place.

    Thank you for keeping my family safe. God's speed.
    Not this year...maybe a Wild Card

  9. #8
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    Re: relationship question

    You can still be a part of the kid's life without her. I know it's not popular to say this, but in my experience, folks who cheat once cheat again. It's the old frog/scorpion fable.

    Move on; save yourself the heartache--and protect the kid from a relationship filled with strife.

  10. #9
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    Re: relationship question

    Just remember that forcing a relationship so the kid can have a 'traditional' family isn't always the best thing to do, especially if said relationship is a bad one.

  11. #10
    1st pick 2022 B.B. draft George Foster's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    Quote Originally Posted by Falls City Beer View Post
    You can still be a part of the kid's life without her. I know it's not popular to say this, but in my experience, folks who cheat once cheat again. It's the old frog/scorpion fable.

    Move on; save yourself the heartache--and protect the kid from a relationship filled with strife.
    I agree and don't agree. If they were already married, adultery is a "big deal."
    And you are right, statistics show that adultery usually repeats itself. However there was no commitment in this relationship. He said they dated for less than a year I believe. If cheating on a boyfriend or a girlfriend is a scarlet letter, 99% of us is wearing one. Sex outside of marriage is a whole different kettle of worms IMO.

    Having a child can make one more mature, and see the future differently. She might of just made a dumb decision, and was worried she was waiting for a guy that might not ever come home. There is only 1 person that can judge her honesty. I hope coolguy22 can make the right decision whatever it is.
    Last edited by George Foster; 07-29-2008 at 11:17 PM.
    Not this year...maybe a Wild Card

  12. #11
    Member Highlifeman21's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    I would definitely make sure the child is yours, first and foremost.

    After that, I'd show her the curb. While you'll want to trust her, will you really be able to down the road? Doubt and lack of trust will destroy any potential relationship down the road, so best to protect yourself while you still can.

    Tough situation, and I wish you the best.

  13. #12
    Churlish Johnny Footstool's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    I agree with Reds Freak: you should seek professional counseling. We RedsZoners mean well, but our perspectives are limited. Talk to a pro. You owe it to yourself, to her, and to the baby.
    "I prefer books and movies where the conflict isn't of the extreme cannibal apocalypse variety I guess." Redsfaithful

  14. #13
    Hey Cubs Fans RFS62's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny Footstool View Post
    I agree with Reds Freak: you should seek professional counseling. We RedsZoners mean well, but our perspectives are limited. Talk to a pro. You owe it to yourself, to her, and to the baby.
    I second this.

    Talk to a pro, and be completely honest.

    Good luck, and thanks for your service.
    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    ~ Mark Twain

  15. #14
    One and a half men Patrick Bateman's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    Two Words:

    Jerry Springer

  16. #15
    Posting in Dynarama M2's Avatar
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    Re: relationship question

    Quote Originally Posted by thatcoolguy_22 View Post
    Yes

    The doc said conception was may 26 and we were together on vacation from may 21 until 5 jun...
    I'd still suggest a paternity test after the birth, just for piece of mind.

    Counseling and not rushing into any family decisions are the other two things would be the other two things I'd advise. Frankly, I think you ought to wait on marriage until she can demonstrate she's ready and willing to commit to you (actions speak louder than words). Hanging in there while you do a year on the 38th parallel might be the ticket.
    Baseball isn't a magic trick ... it doesn't get spoiled if you figure out how it works. - gonelong

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