Hey everybody, I was kinda hoping for some words/advice with my recent troubles. I admit that on the surface it is merely high school dramatics, but try and put yourself in the shoes of a shy 18 year old boy if you can. I know that many here on Redszone are older than I am and I find comfort in the words of people who have been through the stupid hurdles that life throws at them.

When I was still living in New Jersey in my junior year of high school, this girl named Alyssa moved here. She was a junior too and while I thought she was a pretty girl, I remember not thinking much of it when it happened. But she was in a class of mine and hearing her speak I could tell she was different than all of the other girls (and guys for that matter) in my school, in a good way. She was the nicest person in the world and the two of us had everything in common. I slowly developed a crush on her only to find out she had a boyfriend who was in college and thus better than me. I was pretty disapointed but decided I still wanted to be friends with her, and maybe something could happen but I wasn't holding my breath. Around this time as well my mom caught wind of my sadness and wanted me to see a psychtrist to try and help with my shyness. I was hesitant but I complied. Alyssa and I quickly became really good friends.

So after a while into senior year Alyssa and her boyfriend split up (she told me about it as well as when other guys asked her out) and things looked pretty good for me. We were going and did go to prom together and we talked everyday. Only I decided I needed to tell her how I felt as I didn't want to move away if i could be with her, and so my best friend Jeff offered to do it. She came back to me and told me she wasnt sure of anything between us and that she didn't want to ruin our friendship like she ruined what she had with her ex. Fine, whatever. I just still wanted us to be close. Only we weren't. And I found out about a month ago why that was. She was having a secret relationship with Jeff, who already has a girlfriend in Florida he's been with since June 2007. Turns out she told him that she liked him when he told her how I felt, and he immediately started going over her house to makeout and whatever. All of those times I'd ask if we could hang out and he would say "I have to talk to my girlfriend", he was really seeing Alyssa.

I would tell Jeff everyday how much I cared for her and how she meant everything to me. I think of how we would hang out in a group and I would notice Jeff and Alyssa becoming really good friends, but I figured at most that maybe she had a crush on him. I told Jeff it bothered me how he flirted with her but I never suspected anything. I trusted him too much. I have never had any drama in my life nor have I even had a girlfriend. I thought Alyssa was a god-send as we talked all the time and I loved hanging out with her. And to find out that all along it was my best friend that she liked "because he remembered her of her boyfriend" just kills me. And that my best friend would do something he knows I could never forgive him for, and cheat on his girlfriend. It should be noted that he not only knew I was going to psychiatry, but he even drove me there on occasion and we'd talk about it. They were the two people I trusted more than anybody in the world, and to say that I'm devestated is an understatement. This is supposed to happen in movies, not to me.

And so here I am now at the University of North Carolina Charlotte, away from all the drama but at the same time away from everyone I've ever known. I'm going to the school counselor which is going good for me. But so far the stereotypes of sex, drugs, and booze seem to be right on the money and I don't really want any part of them. I've made some friends but far from many, and I can't get the memories of my best friend and girl that I cared for out of my head. I still talk to Alyssa because she apologized profusely but I doubt I should be talking to her and perhaps filling my head with more false hope. But talking to her does make me happy, and I'd be unhappy either way.

That was a massive amount of text and I commend anyone who read it. Any replies are greatly appreciated.