Because the year is almost over, I tend to look back over thepast 12 months to determine the joys in my life. Simple things, really, like a beautiful fall day with a sky so impossibly bright it hurts your eye just looking at it. Or a rainy Sunday with nothing to do except read the cartoons with that special someone. A perfect 6-4-3 with a strong relay to double up a fast runner. The sweet smell of freshly cut grass. Presents under the tree, all of them.
Speaking of presents, it's time we handed some away. Therefore, let's bring back the Second Annual Redszone Awards Show. Since Samuel L. Jackson is making a movie and Gary Shanding is... well.. doing whatever it is that formerly funny men do, I will be your host for the evening. Cast your ballots, ladies and gentlemen, for the following:
Most missed poster
Miss the daily Richard Hand expose on typing with both eyes closed? Wish Fox could still regale us with constant rumors from his unnamed baseball sources? Fiind yourself melancholy over the absense of a myriad of former posters? Who's missed most?
Best tag line
The tag line is that little thing at the bottom of some posts. No, not that little thing at the bottom; the other little thing. Who inspires best? Makes you laugh? Makes you scratch your head trying to decipher those in jokes that are sure to make sense if only you start licking toads.
Like the understatement of princeton, that Ivy League professor of Reds-related knowledge? Or, Hey Kids! How about Krusty? Does one of the Teamsters make you think about things even before you read their posts? If so, show them you care!
Most Valuable Poster
Whose information do you read first, agree the most with, or disagree but read first anyway? Who finds things you'd never, ever get to read without their help? Who makes you think most?
Best use of poetry, tone, statistics, one-liners to get the point across. Who made a point this year that just made you stop whatever else you were doing and go "uh-huh".
Best Armchair GM
Who would you rather run the Reds than Jim Bowden? Who is the next Theo Epstein?
Who comes up with the best deals? Whether it be plausible or not, which of the ADD posters here entertains you with their constant tinkering with the Cincinnati roster?
Which discussion throughout the year made you think the most? Made you turn to the most? Got the most response? Made you bang your head on the keyboard and curse the heavens because it came up so slow?
Whether it be grammatical, misspellings, or unclear wording, who makes you scratch your head and wonder what they're taking?
Who makes you shoot milk through your nose everytime they post? Who makes you giggle even before you open their posts?
Best Use of Statistics
Which sabre-head helps you understand the game best?
Who can't ever shut up, even though you already get the point and wish they'd just stop, they just keep going and going and going, even though they've already gotten across everything they wanted to say they also go off onto other tangents like that time I was sittin in my car and suddenly I thought of a great trade involving Danny Jackson and a gorilla except this gorilla is like the gorilla in Congo and have you ever seen that movie it's really not bad... Nevermind.
Begging the pardon of Rosy Red here, who's the rosiest of us all? Whose glass is consantly half full?
Who is the eeyore?
Best Use of an Emoticon
Who deserves and for coming up with all the best of these little guys out of all :mad: :hat: :smokin: us posters.
Who is the person most likely to give you the Junor Jersey off their back? Who makes you grin like a little kid?
Who do you depend on the most? Which one of those guys seems to fix everything?
Only those that have attended the chat room may vote in this highly contested award. (Haynes underwear will be given to the winner. But not Haynes' underwear.)
I like potatoes!
Best Use of the Phrase "Billardello of Blood"
(Okay, so I wanted one of these awards for myself. It would look great on my resume right next to Trimble County High School Band Burping Champion, Band Camp Division, 1988-90.) Besides, I really like that line.
Want some other awards? Just write them in. Remember to vote early, often, and Democratic!