Today we salute you, Mr. Major League Baseball Schedule Maker
Oh sure, you may be a nameless nobody pounding paper for the King of Bud (Selig). But when it comes to us, you're a helpless hack with a terrific sense of humor.
From Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri to Anheuser-Busch, Denver, home of the September Saints of Baseball: the Colorado Rockies. You've one twisted mind, spreadsheet boy. You're either insane, love your beer or both.
You managed to take a cozy Reds club and stare down the barrel of the gun so you could play Roulette with magic numbers. A drinking game perhaps? A September swig for every Colorado victory. Your liver is glutton for punishment.
So next time you play God with the schedule, and you intend to include the Reds in on your twisted, drunken misery, pop open a few exta cold ones for us. Because when it comes to being miserable, nobody knows better than the lost Reds' decade.
So crack open another Bud Light, Mr. Schedule guy. Bud Selig lost his toupee. Just leave the Reds out of this.
Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri (and Denver).