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Thread: Hard times

  1. #1
    Manliness Personified HumnHilghtFreel's Avatar
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    Hard times

    Ah, the anonymity of the internet. The best place on earth to vent freely about the ills of life and look for sage advice.

    If you had asked me two months ago how my life was going, I'd have been all smiles and sunshine. I was a 22 year old with an okay career, considering my lack of formal education, that I enjoyed. I was getting ready to marry the girl I loved, and hey, even my favorite baseball team was playing meaningful games for the first time in ages.

    Then there's that phrase "life happens." Life happened in a hurry. And life really hit the fan. Two weeks before the set date to get married, the girl broke things off, and cut off any form of communications. Obviously devastated, things went a little bit south, and I ran into problems at work as well.

    Needless to say, I am now a single 22 year old, who is jobless and struggling to pay his rent and bills off of savings. My family has offered lots of support, but I have never been the type to easily take help of any kind from others. But compartmentalizing things and trying to deal with it all on my own has lead me down a fairly self-destructive "self-medicating" type of a path. One that I know I don't want to be on either. But I'm stuck in a rut that I'm not entirely sure how to get out of and it's hard to find an answer to "when is it all going to stop?" I know for a fact that seeking some sort of help would be beneficial, but in losing the job I also lost my insurance, and money is obviously a bit tight for me.

    I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this here, other than the fact that it feels good to have an open forum to actually get this all out to without any real repercussions or worry from those that know me.

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  3. #2
    Mr.Redlegs is my homeboy Eric_the_Red's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    Sorry to hear how rough things have been. I don't know your thoughts on religion/faith and such things, but in my experiences no matter how bad things get, I know that I have a rock to cling to. I'll be praying for you.

    Just know that things will get better, day by day. Hang in there.

  4. #3
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    Re: Hard times

    I dont know what type of "self medication" you are talking about. We talking about drinking or something that is controlled substance?

    I dont know if you work out or anything, but as a really simple and honestly stupid sounding fix try walking a mile or two a day. Honestly I dont know what you do, but it will put some different feelings in your head and will let you clear it some. Even the mental break will probably prove to be beneficial. Do it outside, and maybe with some head phones. Its amazing how clear your mind can get. Plus it will improve some self confidence issues you might have.

    Also the taking money thing. If its a parent I say do it but offer them something in return, be it offering to do their yard work, house work, anything they ask. It might not equal out in terms of cash given and work done but you will feel better for it, and they will appreciate it as a sign that you are a hard working person. Never deal with anyone other than your parents when it comes to money. It ends badly and most people expect stuff in return. Your parents have a different bond, they will forgive easier if you fail them. Just show them something to be proud of, even if you think its silly and stupid.

    Good luck.

  5. #4
    We Need Our Myths reds1869's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    I'll be thinking about you. I've been through some rough patches in my life and those close to me helped pull me through. Don't let yourself become isolated as those you care about are the most important thing in the world.

  6. #5
    Winning the Human Race TheBigLebowski's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    Ah, I can definitely commiserate.

    My Wife of 3 years abruptly left me 4 months ago. To date, I still don't know why.

    My employer laid me off 2 months later. I still cannot find a comparable job.

    I made a silly mistake with my financial aid a month before the wife left, causing me to have to withdraw from grad school until I can find a way to pay off thousands of dollars of back-tuition with no job. I had completed 5 of 7 semesters towards my MBA and I no have no idea when or if I can finish.

    My parents took me in a couple of weeks ago when the lease ran out on our apartment.

    So that makes me a 33 year old, recently divorced, grad school dropout (temporarily, anyway) who lives at home with his parents. It's amazing how much life can change in a short period of time.

    But hey, things will change. I still have my health, the Reds are winning, and I have much more free time for RZ.
    Founder and Ruling Elite of the Derrick Robinson Fan Club. Limited amount of memberships available.

  7. #6
    Blowing away bad memories Redsfan320's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    I'll be praying for both of you. Good luck. All I can say is don't fall into the drugs/alcohol thing, I don't know from personal experience, but I know it never turns out well.

    Don't get stuck in any past mistakes, but do make sure you learn from them, and don't make them again.

    Check out Savafan's thread too, there's some good advice in there about finding a job.

    320
    I'd rather listen to Kelch read the phone book than suffer through Thom Brennaman's attempt to make every instance on the field the most important event since the discovery of manned space flight. -westofyou

  8. #7
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    Re: Hard times

    My situation is way different, but still sucks. Struggling to find a job... no money in the bank account, bills stacking up, and barely any food in the house.

  9. #8
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    Re: Hard times

    These are difficult times for a lot of people. My heart and prayers go out to you guys who are struggling. Stay positive and know better times are always ahead. And for the OP, you said you're 22? Life has barely begun for you, so put a plan together and get on with it. Everything will fall back into place again in time - including finding love again. Good luck.
    "I talked to an advance scout that told me if Joey Votto and Albert Pujols were on the same team he'd advise his team to do the unthinkable...pitch around Votto to get to Pujols." - Buster Olney, ESPN

  10. #9
    Vavasor TRF's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    We've all been smacked by life at least once in our lives. the way to get through it IMO is to focus all your energy into one thing. Accomplish one small goal, then move to the next thing. and on and on. don't dwell on the problems. focus on the future, while allowing the present to unfold.

    Each day will get better.
    Suck it up cupcake.

  11. #10
    Brett William Moore Will M's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    self medicating is not going to help. in fact you are temporarly feeling better but harming yourself long term.

    you have grief/loss/depression issues & it sounds like you need help dealing with these. there is no shame in that. i agree with those who say that you may need a professional therapist to help you. this would be your priest/minister/rabbi/monk/etc depending if you are religious or a secular therapist if you are not. I don't know where you live but there are a lot of therapy organizations that charge on a 'sliding scale' depending on your ability to pay. NorthKey does this here in northern Kentucky.

    don't turn your back on help from friends & family. no man is an island. the old school macho man routine is not the way to go. if you are the kind of man who doesn't like to take help from others look at things this way: when you get back on your feet you can repay the kindness back to your friends and family as well as to others in the future.
    .

  12. #11
    Member NJReds's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    Let your family help you. They have your back. You can repay them (not necessarily financially, but with some sort of support) in the future. Accepting help from people who love you is not a sign of weakness.
    "The players make the manager, it's never the other way." - Sparky Anderson

  13. #12
    Member 15fan's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    One day at a time. One thing at a time.

    Work on the things that you can control and understand that asking for / accepting help isn't a weakness.

    In due time, you'll find yourself in a better place. When you're there, you can repay the cosmos by offering a hand to someone else who will be in the shoes you're in now.

  14. #13
    BobC, get a legit F.O.! Mario-Rijo's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    Plenty of good advice here take heed. I'll just add that I too have been knocked down a few times and right now I am not in the position I want to be but I am at least getting the bills paid and not going backwards anymore. Just 6 months ago I couldn't say that but I decided that this was just a small setback in the grand scheme of my life. Surely I'd look back at this one day and know that it was a fork in the road where I chose the right fork and good things would come from being optimistic, being resilient and willing to do what ever it took to get things back to normal and beyond. I knew things would work out because when you have been there it's easy to know but when you haven't you must rely on blind faith. 1 foot in front of the other and know taking the easy way out is a recipe for disaster. Try to be the elder you 30 years from now and look at the big picture, if this is the worst that happens to you then you have been rather fortunate.

    Not trying to diminish your situation at all just saying right now it seems alot worse than you will likely feel about it down the road. The sooner you move past it the sooner you will be on your way to the life you want.
    "You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one."

    --Woody Hayes

  15. #14
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    Re: Hard times

    For what its worth, I was trying to help a coworkers wife find a job. I emailed some ladies I used to work with at Mercy Health Partners and was advised they have a ton of openings at this time...positions at both the various hospitals and at the corp office in Blue Ash....hope this might help someone out there....

    http://www.ehealthconnection.com/reg...bs_process.asp

  16. #15
    The Future is Now Ghosts of 1990's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times

    Hi there.

    I can honestly relate more then you'll ever know on several levels. Let me try to tell you the short and if you want to hear the long PM me, I'll give you my phone number and I will talk to you anytime, about anything until you feel better or if you don't want to feel better I'll just listen or attempt to help in any way that I can.

    I'm now 27 years old. When I was 25 (beginning of 2008) I became chronically ill with an illness that i'm still battling. I was engaged to be married to my college sweetheart. I got very sick, she was young and wasn't ready to be with someone that sick and she broke off our engagement and moved back to New Jersey where she was from, leaving me with nothing but the mortgage of the home I'd bought for both of us. I tried to work while I was ill, my company illegally terminated me due to being ill so I survived on unemployment... using every dollar to pay my mortgage to hang onto my home. Many nights I lived with my mother because I had no food or money for utilities in the winter... my bills for treatment were outrageously high and I lost my insurance. I lost thousands upon thousands of dollars. Went from being a healthy athlete in college to a guy who was afraid and laid in fear each and every night praying as I fell asleep that I'd just wake up in the morning. I was rock bottom; as you probably feel right now. I promise.

    Listen to me. Any Hell you're going through is only temporary. People who care will help you. Good times, they're temporary too. Life is like that, I'm only 27 and I learn it every day man. My pastor said once "you're either headed out of a storm, or getting ready to head into one." There's really no in between.

    I would love to be able to help you. But if I can't help you I'd hope you take my words to heart and remember what I told you. No matter how things seem right now, things WILL turn around for you if you believe they will and fight the urge to be down and continue a downward slide even if that feels like all there is to do. You'll be down again, this won't be the last time; but you will see a brighter day shining on you I promise it's only temporary. I'm here if you want help from me. PM me.
    2009 Attendance Record: 3-5 2010 Attendance Record: 2-9
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