How i screwed everything up.

[Unassisted]

TRF, things will get better for you and we want to see you get the help you need to make that happen.

We also want to see you here discussing the Reds with us. Even in the worst Reds' seasons, there were wins and moments to enjoy. Focus on the good things that are in your life now and that will help you look forward to the better things in the months and years to come.

[gonelong]

Hang in there TRF, sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

Reach out to those that can help you. We all require help as we navigate life, but to get it you have to be willing to accept it. Ask, and accept.

GL

[TRF]

i'm ok. couldn't deal last night and this morning. i can't seem to let go. I'm aching and i can't stop thinking about it, wishing i said one word that one time. a lot of one times.

thank you for your concern, i mean it.

[Slyder]

i'm ok. couldn't deal last night and this morning. i can't seem to let go. I'm aching and i can't stop thinking about it, wishing i said one word that one time. a lot of one times.

thank you for your concern, i mean it.

One of the most important things I ever heard was told to me by a roommate I thought couldn't stand me at the time (I was wrong)...

Why dwell in the past? You cannot change the past, but you can learn from your mistakes and make tomorrow that much better.

It got me looking toward the future and really got me out of the haze I had sunk into. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.

[Red in Chicago]

In the words of Don Corleone, "you can act like a man"

[TRF]

no more begging, pleading or wallowing.

time to fight.

[Eric_the_Red]

no more begging, pleading or wallowing.

time to fight.

Fight for or fight against?

[SandyD]

TRF, you're likely to be on something of an emotional roller coaster for a while. You need help, and seem to be reaching out for it.

1. If you feel like you can't take anymore, call your therapist. Immediately.
2. Have a buddy you trust on standby who will let you vent (verbally) when you need to.
3. Add short term, positive things to your life.
Volunteer at your daughter's school.
Volunteer at a local community event
Take a friend on a nature hike, canoeing, fishing
Things that will get you away from your situation for a few hours.
4. Does you community college have a baseball team? Try to catch a game once a week. Keep score. Teach your daughter to keep score, if she's interested.
5. Check the course listings for summer session. Any classes look interesting to you? Sign up. Audit if you don't want the stress of tests and papers and such. Personally, I think the arts, humanities and pure science are the best options. Maybe a foreign language or PE. You could take up fencing, rowing, or another sport you've never tried, if they're offered.
6. Catch the local or nearby outdoor music festivals. Even if it's not your favorite kind of music.

Longer term? Plant a garden. Take a class or two. Join a book club. Learn to play a musical instrument. Take up a new sport or physical activity. Preferably one you do with others.

None of these activities will solve your problems, but you don't have to do that all at once. Like you said, one day at a time. I'm only trying to offer ideas that will help you to keep looking forward rather than back ... controlling the things you can control.

Take care. And remember rule #1.

[TRF]

Fight for or fight against?

For.

myself, my kids, my wife, my life.

TRF, you're likely to be on something of an emotional roller coaster for a while. You need help, and seem to be reaching out for it.

1. If you feel like you can't take anymore, call your therapist. Immediately.
2. Have a buddy you trust on standby who will let you vent (verbally) when you need to.
3. Add short term, positive things to your life.
Volunteer at your daughter's school.
Volunteer at a local community event
Take a friend on a nature hike, canoeing, fishing
Things that will get you away from your situation for a few hours.
4. Does you community college have a baseball team? Try to catch a game once a week. Keep score. Teach your daughter to keep score, if she's interested.
5. Check the course listings for summer session. Any classes look interesting to you? Sign up. Audit if you don't want the stress of tests and papers and such. Personally, I think the arts, humanities and pure science are the best options. Maybe a foreign language or PE. You could take up fencing, rowing, or another sport you've never tried, if they're offered.
6. Catch the local or nearby outdoor music festivals. Even if it's not your favorite kind of music.

Longer term? Plant a garden. Take a class or two. Join a book club. Learn to play a musical instrument. Take up a new sport or physical activity. Preferably one you do with others.

None of these activities will solve your problems, but you don't have to do that all at once. Like you said, one day at a time. I'm only trying to offer ideas that will help you to keep looking forward rather than back ... controlling the things you can control.

Take care. And remember rule #1.

I actually work at my community college. taught continuing ed classes for a while, but never took any. I may try that.

[Eric_the_Red]

Love it, TRF! Praying for you buddy.

[Razor Shines]

For.

myself, my kids, my wife, my life.


.

First time I've read anything in this thread and smiled.

[Mario-Rijo]

First time I've read anything in this thread and smiled.

Damn right!

[savafan]

TRF,

I'm going through almost the exact same thing right now. Maybe we can help each other. I really don't have anybody else.

[TRF]

TRF,

I'm going through almost the exact same thing right now. Maybe we can help each other. I really don't have anybody else.

sava, pm me anytime i'll give you my email addy.

so, an update. we spoke.

ok we texted.

i'm almost positive she has been with this other guy. what surprises me is that it doesn't matter. i was trying to destroy our marriage, mostly out of life long guilt. she is looking to fill a void in her heart. In a weird way i am glad he was there for her.

so, we texted last night. just casually. when it turned somewhat serious, she balked, but stood her ground that it is over. but she let me text. and she answered. I don't think it is so clear for her right now. I think she has hope that i am changing.

Here is the kicker.. i'm not doing it for her, i'm doing it for me. to no longer be sedentary. I hope she sees it, believes in it, but ultimately my happiness has to come first, with or without her.

I'm really buying into the idea of unconditional love. It may be why i am not so bothered by her relationship with his guy. I WANT her to be happy. I'd prefer it were with me, but in the end that choice is hers, not mine.

But though i was restless, and couldn't sleep, it was not from worry, but from something so foreign to me, i can't put it into words. I just feel like smiling.

I realized how much i'd be missing if i were gone. And I know in my heart how much better i will be to my kids now. In fact, I had the longest conversation with my oldest yesterday in years. no lecture, no disproving tone. just talk. she even invited me to dinner.

my marriage may still be over. I hope it isn't, but i accept the likelihood. My happiness however is in my hands.

and well, i have hope.

[frenetic wave]

Hey TRF, great to read your latest post. You are a really lucky guy. The way you are able to look at your own situation and find perspective is really a talent and you should feel very proud that you are able to do that. We can all lose it, especially when we're experiencing a trial, but that is where your strength will come from, your ability to find perspective. When you get through this you are going to see how strong you truly are and you're going to be equipped and ready to enjoy the good things that are still in store and also you'll know from experience that you can weather anything and come out standing & still rich with the love and support of your kids and your extended family (and us!). One day at a time, enjoy the good days a little more. :-)