TRF, you've always been one of my favorites on RZ.
Lots of good advice here already, please keep your head up. If any of us thought too long on our mistakes, we'd be miserable. That's life, we're not perfect....but there's plenty of good times ahead once you are able to square with who you are, and what you've done. Turning the page is never easy, so surround yourself with people you trust while you go through it.
Most importantly, find a way to forgive yourself as fast as possible.
Keep your head up.