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Thread: Unified Theory on Why Reds Blow

  1. #1
    malingered here too long malcontent's Avatar
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    Jun 2001
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    Unified Theory on Why Reds Blow

    Ha, suckers. That was just window dressing.

    There remains no Unified Theory to explain why this "team" sucks so bad.

    What I have posited, for several years now, is a theory that fully explained, for example, how T-Virus and Seabass could come to be pencilled in 1/2 when the former possessed the lowest OPS and the latter the lowest OBP in MLB. That theory is known as the Overt Sabotage by Manager (OSM) Premise.

    Unfortunately, as fully as the OSM Premise did explain countless completely irrational managerial moves, it could not fully explain certain "team" phenomena. For example, how the soon-to-be-43-year-old Miguel Cairo came to be the Cincinnati DH against the Yankees in New York City tonight.
    Or why 62-year-old Melvin Mora could possibly have received a first-class ticket on a Saturday red-eye into CVG.

    For those and other such anomalies, I now propose the Covert Sabotage by General Manager (CSGM) Corollary. Combined with the OSM Premise, I'm confident that the CSGM Corollary will explain most, if not all, of the extremely questionable phenomena the average Reds fan will continue to experience this season.

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  3. #2
    ZCTRMTP!!!!! texasdave's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
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    Re: Unified Theory on Why Reds Blow

    If they sign Melvin Mora - Sayonara. Something about a straw and a camel's back. That would be re freaking dic u lous.
    A summer watching a bad Reds' team, is still a pretty good summer.

  4. #3
    Member smixsell's Avatar
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    Re: Unified Theory on Why Reds Blow

    DUSTY BAKER is a tactically and strategically challenged individual who is also soft as sh*t......

    .......end of thresad.

  5. #4
    Member Moosie52's Avatar
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    Jun 2004
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    Re: Unified Theory on Why Reds Blow

    But Mora has quintuplets. He needs a paycheck.

  6. #5
    always ask questions bigredmechanism's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
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    Re: Unified Theory on Why Reds Blow

    I'd rather have Vlad Guerrero than Melvin Mora.


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