I'm a writer by trade too. Since you said you're looking for constructive criticism, the only thing I can think to offer for now is don't feel the need to use a lot of commas. Sentences will read a little easier if you're not setting off a bunch of items. I like Purdue's online writing lab a lot--here's what they have to say about it: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/02/
Can't wait to read more from you!