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Thread: New Fathers?

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    On the brink wolfboy's Avatar
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    New Fathers?

    Can anyone recommend a good message board for new fathers? I feel like I'm in a bit of a niche market. I'm 35; wife is a few years older. l don't know how to react to "I so wasn't cool with it at first, but now I'm a dad" threads. Can anyone help? Gratitude in advance.
    How do we know he's not Mel Torme?

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    Pagan/Asatru Ravenlord's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    can't help you with a website, but i can go with this...

    (this is prolly gonna read more like a PM than a public message);

    about a month after i became okay with having kids (at age 26) my wife and i became expecting.

    she and i understand each other quite well; when we try to escape we both have two ways of doing it (her's probably healthier than mine); she sews and jumps headfirst into our garden. i jump into the garden and rabbits, and drink a pint or two while i do it.

    we had an odd pregnancy, in that birth was the easiest part. in hindsight, the epideral was a bad idea becuase the "professional" doing it told her "bull****" when she said she had two extra vertabrae in her back (she's just now done being declared healed from that puncture wound almost two years ago).

    fatherhood was very strange at first. not talking in the hospital and being asked to cut the cord (i could not, seeing my wifes innards and a blood covered baby i knew would set primitive parts of my brain off). within proly three hours i relaxed enough to say to myslef, "this is my daughter, to whom i am beholden to, and for the first year, a slave to my new fleshy baby godess" (i kid you not, that's what i said to myself).

    it doesn't sound good for me to say, but right after my wife was able to go back to her paralegalness, i felt "put-a-pon". i think that's quite common. it alleviated entirely about six days after my wife went back to work and my baby would stop crying just by me picking her up.

    my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. i bordered on alcoholism because i drink when i have nothing to do, that's what i do. but now i have her, and a yard which i's have a 1400+ square foot guarden and a rabbitry to deal with. while my job keeps me away from home a solid 1/3 of the year, i love the life i've entered to.

    diapers, and minor sickness, and sleep deprivasion will all happen, but it is so beyond worth it. i'd wager if you kept this thread active as the days go by, you'd find quite a bit of support. while my participation on this board has waned dramatically o'er the last five years, support is the thing you can count on here.

    i wish you the best of luck wolfboy, you won't need it quite as much as you might think starting out, but cheers.
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    Pagan/Asatru Ravenlord's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    inexplicable double post.
    the store for all your blade, costuming (in any regard), leather (also in any regard), and steel craft needs.www.facebook.com/tdhshop


    yes, this really is how we make our living.

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    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    All I can say is that your life will never be the same again. In some ways better, in some ways worse, but it will have an amazing amount of depth and meaning to it. Also, you will develop patience that you never knew you had before. It will force you to participate fully in the festival of life. All decisions from here on out can't be just about you. And, you will also put your hands in poop.

    And, as a parent of a 24, 22, and 19 yrs olds, you find that parenting is a lifetime gig. You will never stop worrying about (and loving) your children.

    Pay attention to the open sky

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    Re: New Fathers?

    You're going to learn the true meaning of unconditional love.
    "I talked to an advance scout that told me if Joey Votto and Albert Pujols were on the same team he'd advise his team to do the unthinkable...pitch around Votto to get to Pujols." - Buster Olney, ESPN

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    First Time Caller SunDeck's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    Still waiting for the patience I never knew I had before, but reveling in the never gets old amazement my kids provide for me on a daily basis. And twelve years in, I still feel like a new dad who has no idea what he's doing most of the time.
    Next Reds manager, second shooter. --Confirmed on Redszone.

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    Re: New Fathers?

    Quote Originally Posted by SunDeck View Post
    Still waiting for the patience I never knew I had before, but reveling in the never gets old amazement my kids provide for me on a daily basis. And twelve years in, I still feel like a new dad who has no idea what he's doing most of the time.
    Simultaneously makes me feel better and worse about having a 6 month old, our first. At what point do you get the sage wisdom of life experience?

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    Member medford's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    You're 35, and you're wife is a few years older....

    Sorry to break it to you, but when it comes to parenting, there is no such thing as a niche market, its all a niche market. Every kid is different, every situation is different. I know of no "message board for fathers", seems every time I go looking for various advice on the interwebs, its a bunch of mothers talking about different remedies, situations, etc... however, I think you'll find any questions you have, there is usually somebody on redszone that has been thru a similar situation or can offer advice.

    Has your wife had your child yet? Its an eerie feeling coming home from the hospital to an empty quiet house and a newborn life to attend to. However, the good news is that for the first couple of months, they don't do much other than sleep, eat and poop. The bad news is that they don't often do it on "your schedule". As your child gets older, there are new challenges, but new fun. They'll test your patience every day, but reward you richly in small moments you never see coming.

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    Member medford's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redlegs82 View Post
    Simultaneously makes me feel better and worse about having a 6 month old, our first. At what point do you get the sage wisdom of life experience?
    I'm far from reaching that point, but I'm starting to get that feelig that you don't reach that point until somebody tells you that you're there. Each day/week/month/year is a new challenge. What used to be a challenge with a child is now taken for granted, and replaced with something more complex.

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    Member mdccclxix's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    Unlike my wife, I couldn't wait for our son to reach each next stage, crawling, babbling, walking, etc, because that is one more thing he can do for himself. She just wanted him to stay little and cute. It's hard adjusting to each new problem, but my favorite thing to do is play with my kid and watch him slowly emerge. The best thing to do to keep your sanity is get as much sleep as you can (we sleep trained ours around a year old, but in hindsight would have a bit earlier), probably avoid too much alcohol or caffeine and stay in decent shape so you don't wear down (those babies will kick your butt dude), and find a good babysitter so you can go out and spend 2 hours at the movies worrying about your kid - who's safe asleep. Having a partner to trade off with is very important as well.

  12. #11
    Member mdccclxix's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    dp

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    Churlish Johnny Footstool's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    The best advice I got was about advice. My old boss told me, "Everyone is going to want to be helpful and give you advice. Listen to it all, think about it, and then weigh it against your own values. If it passes that test, use it."

    You'll be surprised what some people will suggest, and how willing you become to try *anything* to get that baby to sleep, eat, stop crying, etc. Stay patient, stay calm, and keep your wits about you. You'll eventually learn what the baby needs and wants, and things will get easier.
    "I prefer books and movies where the conflict isn't of the extreme cannibal apocalypse variety I guess." Redsfaithful

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    Member medford's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    To add to what johny footstool said, I've never heard of a baby that "cried itself to death". We were lucky with our first in that by 6 weeks he was a pretty sound sleeper, but even such, there are times he'd be up in the middle of the night and you couldn't figure out a thing in the world to make him happy. Add up a lack of sleep, perhaps outside stressers, etc... its enough to make you lose your mind at times. If you feel yourself slipping toward the edge of fustration, put your kid in the crib until you can gather our senses.

  15. #14
    On the brink wolfboy's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    Quote Originally Posted by medford View Post
    You're 35, and you're wife is a few years older....

    Sorry to break it to you, but when it comes to parenting, there is no such thing as a niche market, its all a niche market. Every kid is different, every situation is different. I know of no "message board for fathers", seems every time I go looking for various advice on the interwebs, its a bunch of mothers talking about different remedies, situations, etc... however, I think you'll find any questions you have, there is usually somebody on redszone that has been thru a similar situation or can offer advice.

    Has your wife had your child yet? Its an eerie feeling coming home from the hospital to an empty quiet house and a newborn life to attend to. However, the good news is that for the first couple of months, they don't do much other than sleep, eat and poop. The bad news is that they don't often do it on "your schedule". As your child gets older, there are new challenges, but new fun. They'll test your patience every day, but reward you richly in small moments you never see coming.
    Niche market referred to most of what I've found on other message boards. Many, if not all of the new father topics I've found seem to be 20 somethings (or younger) that fell into this via surprise and are slowly warming to the idea. My wife and I waited quite a while for this until we felt the time was right, and then it even took a while after that. I wasn't referring to parenting generally, just what I've found on the interwebs.
    How do we know he's not Mel Torme?

  16. #15
    On the brink wolfboy's Avatar
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    Re: New Fathers?

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny Footstool View Post
    The best advice I got was about advice. My old boss told me, "Everyone is going to want to be helpful and give you advice. Listen to it all, think about it, and then weigh it against your own values. If it passes that test, use it."

    You'll be surprised what some people will suggest, and how willing you become to try *anything* to get that baby to sleep, eat, stop crying, etc. Stay patient, stay calm, and keep your wits about you. You'll eventually learn what the baby needs and wants, and things will get easier.
    We've already taken this approach. Sound advice on advice. I'm still a little shocked at the range of advice you get. We've gotten everything from the obvious to the unexpected to the outright bizarre.
    How do we know he's not Mel Torme?


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