Very punny

[OldRightHander]

I was remembering some pretty bad puns I have heard over the years, and thought it would make an interesting thread if folks shared some of their better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) ones. Here's mine. It takes a while to set up though.

A man applied for a job as a bus driver with a local school. In the interview, he was told that none of the other drivers ever lasted more than a day, but he insisted that he could handle it.

So on the first day of the new job he found out that the bus he would be driving looked like the bus on Sesame Street. He started out on the route and the first student he picked up was an incredibly fat young girl who introduced herself as Patty. At the next house another large girl got on who also said her name was Patty. After that he came to a house where a boy got on who said, "Hi bus driver, my name is Saul and I am a very special boy." The next pick up was a young girl dressed in a very provocative outfit who sat down in the front seat where he could see her and proceeded to pick at the bunions on her feet. When the day was over he went to his boss and said he was quitting and would never drive that bus again. When asked why he was quitting his reply was:

"Two obese Patties, special Saul, little sleaze picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus."

[creek14]

[camisadelgolf]

creek14's post was, bar none, a terrible pun.

[jmcclain19]

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

[gonelong]

If you Russian when you enter the bathroom ... and Chinese when you leave the bathroom ... what are you while your in the bathroom?

European

GL

[redsmetz]

punch line: That's the beer that made Milt Famey Walk Us.

[SunDeck]

From Thirty Terrible Puns, by Stu Savory

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours, and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

[UKFlounder]

A frog walks into a bank to apply for a mortgage, where he meets Patty Whack, who will fill out the paperwork. At the end of their meeting, he hands her a small ceramic figurine, and when she asks what it is, he replies, "Go ahead, give it to your boss and tell him Mr. Jagger said hi."

She goes into her boss' office and shows the item to her boss, and asks what it could be.

He tells her "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

[UKFlounder]

A man found a pun-writing contest and entered 10 of his favorites, hoping one would bring home a prize.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.