When does it all get easier?

[vaticanplum]

Originally Posted by M2

Tom, sounds like she is a nice girl and that she's young. When you get older you realize that you're not going to be friends with somebody if one of you desperately wants to be more than friends. It just doesn't work. In that case you've either got to move on to dating or be casual acquaintances.

She clearly wanted to keep you around because she likes you as a friend, but that, for whatever reason, you didn't trip her dating impulses (and when you're a teenager the yes/no dating impulse is pretty much instant). All of this stuff is relatively new to her too, so I don't see any reason to give her a piece of your mind. Sounds like she means well even if she hasn't done well by you.

Girls often want to be around guys and have it be safe. It's one of the reasons so many females have close gay male friends. There's no pressure and I can see where teenage girls in particular would want that. On the flipside, guys your age are desperately trying to figure out how to talk to girls and be unsafe. You understandably don't want the neutering designation of "just a friend." In time people (mostly) figure out how to work around that. Women figure out that their male friends aren't castrati and men figure out how to balance being the dangerous guy to some women with being the safe friend to others.

As for right now, you don't have to keep beating your head against that wall. Be polite, but keep your distance, which I assume is no problem now that you're away at college. Don't call her and make sure to check your caller ID before you answer the phone. Aside from everything else, you're in a new place now and a lot of freshman make the mistake of clinging to what and who they know back home rather than going out and tackling their new environs. Even if you're ready to make that leap, you don't want to be on the phone constantly with someone from high school who isn't (unrequited love interest or not).

There's a very good tone to this post. Being vindictive in any way gives you a moment of triumph, but ultimately I don't think it's ever good. even thinking of and carrying out the details invests you further in the situation than you need to be and makes it harder for you to let go. You need to be focusing on bettering the future, not complicating the past.

I don't really have anything to add, except to say that you've always struck me as a very smart, funny, respectful, mature kid and based on that I think that, regardless of how difficult this may be for you know, you are going to be absolutely fine. It takes effort to develop those qualities, and if you continue to invest in them they are bound to serve you in good stead and a like-minded girl will eventually recognize them too. And I think your godsend at this point is that you're in college far away from home. That is going to be great for you. Focus on getting the most out of everything you can and a lot of your shyness may dissipate on its own.

And Steel cracks me the flip up.