Pun time

[OldRightHander]

A tribal leader in the bush had a habit of getting a new throne every year. Being the chief, his hut had a second story and he would always put the old throne in the upstairs area and sit on the new one. Over the years, the old thrones kept accumulating in the upstairs until one day, while he was sitting on his throne, the ceiling gave way from the weight of all the old thrones and he was killed instantly. The moral: Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

The king's daughter was captured by a monster with giant yellow hands. He kept her in a cave and guarded the entrance with his hand. Knight after knight tried to rescue the princess, only to be crushed by the giant yellow hand. The kingdom was rapidly running out of good knights. Finally one day, the court page offered to rescue the princess. He went under cover of darkness, dressed all in black to blend into the night, and sneaked past the yellow handed monster and rescued the princess. The moral: Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.

[camisadelgolf]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[Roy Tucker]

Every morning the Trids got up, ate breakfast, and marched over the bridge to Tridville to work. One morning, a troll moved in under the bridge. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge, the troll climbed up and kicked the Trids all the way back to their homes. The Trids decided to take the day off in hopes that the troll would go away, but the next morning the troll once again climbed up onto the bridge and kicked them back to their homes. In desperation, the Trids decided to ask the Rabbi for help. So the next morning the Rabbi walked across the bridge several times but never saw the troll. He went home believing the troll had indeed moved on. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge afterward, the troll climbed up again and kicked the Trids back home. The Rabbi returned to the bridge and called out for the troll. When the troll appeared, the Rabbi asked why he was allowed to cross the bridge but not the Trids. The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."

[Roy Tucker]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous blonde sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs it out of the air and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater, followed by coffee. After paying for everything, she asks him to walk her home and offers to give him her phone number. Astounded, the guy says, "You are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

[Roy Tucker]

A frog goes into a bank and hops over to the loan officer's desk. He jumps up onto the chair and says to the officer, "Hi, what is your name?" The officer says, "You can call me Mr. Padewak. What can I do for you?" The frog replies, "I want a loan." "OK," says Mr.Padewak, "let's fill out a loan application. What is your name?" "Kermit," the frog says, "Kermit Jagger." "Oh, any relation to Mick Jagger?" Padewak asks. "Yeah, he's my Dad!" answers the frog. "Wow," says Padewak. "Do you have any collateral?" "Yes, I do," and the frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a big, bright pink, ceramic elephant. He places it on the desk in front of Padewak. Padewak scratches his head and says, "Excuse me for a moment." He then walks into the bank manager's office with the loan application and the elephant in hand. Padewak says, "Uh, sir, there is this frog out there who wants a loan." He hands the manager the application. "He brought this, this...uh, well, I don't know what it is, for collateral!" He puts the shiny pink elephant on the manager's desk. "What should I do?" The bank manager stands up and shouts, "It's a knick-knack, Padewak, give the frog a loan!! His old man's a Rolling Stone!!!!!!"

[OldRightHander]

A man was passing through a small town and needed a haircut. He went in and noticed a lot of Christian material on the walls, scripture quotes and what not, and asked about it. He was told that the barber was also the local Baptist minister. So he came in only to find out that the minister was out that day and his wife, Grace, was cutting hair in his place. The man decided to splurge and also get a shave in addition to the haircut. Grace cut his hair and gave him a nice close shave, he paid her, and then he went on his way. The next day he got up and noticed that his face was still as smooth as it was the day before, and he had always had fast growing facial hair. This continued for four straight days. His face was as smooth as can be. He went back to that small town and stopped in at the barber shop, only to find that the minister was the one cutting hair that day. He inquired about why his facial hair wasn't growing back since he had been there earlier and the minister replied, "You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved."

[RedsFan75]

That last one is Great! I've got some friends I'm going to send that one to!

[chicoruiz]

At a state-owned zoo in Florida, researchers discovered a species of porpoise that lived forever, as long as they ate the flesh of a certain breed of seagull. Unfortunately, the supply of that particular seagull was low in Florida, so the zoo sent a truck to Texas to bring back more birds.

But as luck would have it, just as the truck was returning to the zoo, a lion escaped from his cage, darted in front of the truck and was run over and killed. The police were called to the accident scene, and cited the truck driver for... transporting gulls across a state lion for immortal porpoises.