Advice about a prodigal son needed

[Jpup]

Was this the first time he was caught? How long has he used?

[Mario-Rijo]

Well Jake it looks like you have already made your decision so I hope it goes well for you and Rich.

Initially I was going to respond slightly different than most have. Although I completely understand the stance most have taken and ultimately I may have suggested the same I might have went about it a little differently. But that's really here nor there at this point. At this point it's only important that he knows through your actions that your decision had nothing to do with you abandoning him but assisting him instead. Equally important is that he also knows that he will always have more & clearly defined boundaries than others until he earns otherwise. Con men are good at taking advantage of loopholes, give him no possibility of finding a loophole by being clear, adament and steadfast. Which BTW can be done while still being supportive which is all he should really expect from you. Again good luck to you both.

[Mario-Rijo]

Originally Posted by Handofdeath

I'm a recovering drug addict. I just got of rehab about a month ago and I immediately went to a halfway house. I was only there a little more than two weeks but I have a very good idea of how it works. The one I was at had me on complete restriction for a week except for AA or NA. Regardless of how long you have been there everybody has to sign in and out no matter where you go. They also have mandatory AA meetings. Also most of the house managers were former addicts themselves so they know how to deal with "clients". Lastly, they had random drug testing. One guy I knew while I was there tested positive for cocaine and he was out the door before most of us knew what happened. It is a pretty controlled environment. Not everyone takes to it very well. And really if someone wants to do drugs, they are going to do drugs because that is how an addict is. My advice is that you don't even discuss the possibility of him coming into your home until he completes his time at a halfway house. The one I was at was for 6 months maximum. You might look around and see if there are different ones to choose from as well. I truly feel for you as I have experienced this problem both as an addict and as a parent with a son who was using. Always remember that as an addict it is a constant daily struggle that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life even though the desire to use may decrease. Just know my prayers and good wishes are with you. God Bless!

Mark T. (74 days clean and hopefully I get 75.)

Good to hear Mark keep up that determination.

My brother is clean over a year now (a year in August) and is starting to get his footing back both personally and professionally.

[GAC]

Very impressed with this discussion.

RedlegJake and Handofdeath.... you guys are in my prayers.

One can only do so much as far as personal involvement in helping someone else. Be it a family member or friend. There is a limit one has to reach.

I'd say Handofdeath's personal testimony about his struggles is one that is very compelling when it comes to addiction. There are different degrees of addiction too. I say that as I'm sitting here drinking my 3rd cup of coffee and taking period smoke breaks, always telling myself I'm going to quit.

Some people's "constitutions" are stronger then others. So that will also determine the degree (level) of assistance/involvement.

My younger brother (who is now 50) approximately 25 years ago put my Mom and Dad through a personal hell for over a year when he allowed himself to get caught up with some shady characters and developed a crack addiction. It was very uncharacteristic of my brother, but the addiction changed him radically. He ended up getting busted for possession. And though he wasn't sent to prison, he spent almost 6 months in the local jail. And it was particularly embarrassing for my parents because the Sheriff there was a good friend who they sat next to in church every Sunday. But he was a big help because his son's life was an up and down struggle with drug addiction. He could sympathize and understand.

In that one year's time it cost my brother his marriage, his job, and any self-worth he had. The incarceration time though, in my brother's case, was a huge wake-up call for him. He off course had to go through withdrawal (cold turkey) while there, and had plenty of time to think about the direction of his life. Fortunately for him, he took the steps to straighten things out, and rebuild his life.

It's especially tough as a parent. You love your child unconditionally; but there has to be a limit one will go because then you can be a enabler. My parents let him come back into the house because he had no place to go. But there were rules and stipulations. And as long as he adhered to them, then they helped him to rebuild again until he could go out on his own.

You want to be there for him Redleg Jake with re-assurance, love, and that you are there to help him rebuild any way you can, but there are limits to which you will go because it's his life, not yours...

"So what are you going to do with it son? It's your choice. I'm here to help you any way I can, but the blunt of the effort has to come from you. You want my help? Fine. But there will be rules and stipulations that you must agree to adhere to if you want to come back into my house. The whole effort is to help you; but one issue you first have to re-establish, as far as I'm concerned, is the issue of trust."